Ariadne Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Well there's no response from him thus far, which for him doesn't necessarily mean anything, sometimes it takes a few days. But it doesn't matte, I'm already putting in my mind that he is choosing "nothing" and it's over. Maybe the guy didn't even read that note. Are you sure he did? Ok, I'll tell you my suspicion. Why does he vanish and says he'll be out of town on Valentine's? Maybe he's been talking to someone else. But you never cared about that before and I know he likes you a whole lot. Just be patient and see what happens. When you talk to him you'll clear up your doubts. If anything, you can still continune to have him as a FWB since you like him so much.
Star Gazer Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Well there's no response from him thus far, which for him doesn't necessarily mean anything, sometimes it takes a few days. But it doesn't matte, I'm already putting in my mind that he is choosing "nothing" and it's over. It's the missing him part that will take a while to get over. But I think I now what's going on. Aside from there maybe being other women or whatever...because last time we were together, there was hours of talking and cuddling, fooling around was only a small fraction of the night. At one point he looked at me and told me I was so "sweet". Well you know what they say about nice guys finish last. Of course I didn't think of this until last night. But I think his decision was made before he left the next morning. I think it's why he held me so tight all night long. He knew it was time to stop stringing me along. And he knew I'd get mad about no contact eventually, but he also knows I"ll get over it eventually. He realized I'm better than just as a f**k buddy, but knows he can't give me better. He possibly re-thought the time I tried to say "this is it", and the note after our argument that asked him to think about ending it. I think he finally said to himself, she's right, and this can't go on. I don't know but it makes sense because of how much closer we've gotten. Gosh, he was talking my head off that night. When I talk he always listens well, but that night it was like, he was just so happy that I was there to listen to all his stories and such. It took me all this time to learn that if you get him talking he doesn't stop. Maybe he even felt like he'd opened up too much, who knows. But if he's letting me go right now, he's doing the right thing and I'm going to deal with it like I do with any other guy and get through the little "grieving" process or whatever. But it's hard, weather it was just FWB or whatever, it feels like breaking up and I'm a little sad. So now you think he's a NICE GUY?!?!?!
Author LoveLace Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Maybe the guy didn't even read that note. Are you sure he did? Ok, I'll tell you my suspicion. Why does he vanish and says he'll be out of town on Valentine's? Maybe he's been talking to someone else. But you never cared about that before and I know he likes you a whole lot. Just be patient and see what happens. When you talk to him you'll clear up your doubts. If anything, you can still continune to have him as a FWB since you like him so much. No I don't know that he read it, but I don't think it matters anymore... Appreciate your continuing to root me on. He has told me that he "likes me a lot" but saying and proving it are different things. I'm obviously not capable of FWB...not with him anyway...anymore... I'm not saying he's a "nice" guy or a bad guy, that is just what I think happened, because I was there, and I know him and his way of thinking...I sord of tried to put myself in his shoes, and things that have occurred lately, and I think he's quiet because he knows we got closer and he knows it's time to end it. I don't necessarily think it makes him a nice guy it's just what I think happened.
Author LoveLace Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Maybe the guy didn't even read that note. Are you sure he did? Ok, I'll tell you my suspicion. Why does he vanish and says he'll be out of town on Valentine's? I thought it was a bit odd that he said he's going to this place on "Valentines Day", instead of just saying on this weekend, Feb. 10th or whatever I'm going to this place. I partly wondered if he wanted to see if i would react to the Valentines Day thing, and see if I'd get upset because he won't be around for it. But I don't really give a crap about Valentines Day, never have. So when he mentioned these plans I just said, oh yea that sounds like it'll be fun. I guess there is a chance that the trip was this weekend, however V day is 3 days away so the trip could be next weekend too. But somehow I'm anticipating he calls with the excuse that he was out of town, if he calls at all. Well any excuse won't matter, cuz I'll just repeat what the note said, it's gotta be all or nothing.
Kamille Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Maybe the guy didn't even read that note. Are you sure he did? Ok, I'll tell you my suspicion. Why does he vanish and says he'll be out of town on Valentine's? I thought it was a bit odd that he said he's going to this place on "Valentines Day", instead of just saying on this weekend, Feb. 10th or whatever I'm going to this place. I partly wondered if he wanted to see if i would react to the Valentines Day thing, and see if I'd get upset because he won't be around for it. But I don't really give a crap about Valentines Day, never have. So when he mentioned these plans I just said, oh yea that sounds like it'll be fun. I guess there is a chance that the trip was this weekend, however V day is 3 days away so the trip could be next weekend too. But somehow I'm anticipating he calls with the excuse that he was out of town, if he calls at all. Well any excuse won't matter, cuz I'll just repeat what the note said, it's gotta be all or nothing. Sorry. I am likely going to really hurt you with what I'm about to say. The Valentine's day thing sounds more like a : I have a date with someone else and am using a cop out excuse in advance. It's not an actual test. I think you are inclined to see tests everywhere because you're hoping there is more to his feelings and actions. But if there is one LS philosophy we can all agree on it is: men mean what they say and act how they want. Don't look for deeper meaning LL. Take what you have to rely on, him saying he didn't want a committed R and flaking when he wants to, and go from there. Again, I repeat, he isn't worthy of being considered relationship material. So if what you want is a relationship, cut the mf lose.
norajane Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 LL, I'm so glad to see you're gaining perspective and being stronger about this whole thing. I know how badly it hurts to let go of a dream of happiness and love. But I also know how much easier it is to let go when you yourself come to the conclusion the relationship isn't giving you what you want and you are choosing to let it go, rather than having the choice be made for you while you cling on to hope. In essence, by making the choice yourself, you are ending the relationship because you know you're aren't getting what you really want out of it. Good for you! Stay strong! :bunny:
Author LoveLace Posted February 11, 2008 Author Posted February 11, 2008 Well I guess I passed the test then Kam, cuz when he mentioned Valentines Day it didn't even phase me...I went on to the next subject...thought about it later though. He and his friends go out of town a LOT...he's friends with this couple (I've met them) that have tons of money and they want to take him to Japan for his 40th birthday...(he's not too excited about Japan but doesn't want to bust their bubble) anyway that's how much money they have. They are always taking trips to Vegas and such. For Valentines day he said they were to going to (major U.S. city) for "this girl's birthday"...then I just said oh sounds like fun.
Kamille Posted February 11, 2008 Posted February 11, 2008 Well I guess I passed the test then Kam, cuz when he mentioned Valentines Day it didn't even phase me...I went on to the next subject...thought about it later though. He and his friends go out of town a LOT...he's friends with this couple (I've met them) that have tons of money and they want to take him to Japan for his 40th birthday...(he's not too excited about Japan but doesn't want to bust their bubble) anyway that's how much money they have. They are always taking trips to Vegas and such. For Valentines day he said they were to going to (major U.S. city) for "this girl's birthday"...then I just said oh sounds like fun. Good then. LL, I really get the feeling you know and you've known all along Dan isn't the one for you and this ultimatum is you proving this to yourself. There is no reason to be angry at him. What you wrote you thought were his thoughts are actually a projection of your own: But I think his decision was made before he left the next morning. I think it's why he held me so tight all night long. He knew it was time to stop stringing me along. (...) He realized I'm better than just as a f**k buddy, but knows he can't give me better. Let me rephrase for you: I think my decision was made before he lfet the next morning. I think that's why we held each other so tight all night long. I knew it was time to stop allowing myself to be strung along. I realized I'm better than just a f**k buddy and I know he can't give me better. You don't want him Lace. You want a relationship and you are coming to the conclusion Dan, worthy sex partner that he is, is holding you back from getting what you really want.
Author LoveLace Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Good then. LL, I really get the feeling you know and you've known all along Dan isn't the one for you and this ultimatum is you proving this to yourself. There is no reason to be angry at him. What you wrote you thought were his thoughts are actually a projection of your own: Once I came up with that idea I wasn't thinking I was angry at him for it, I just figured that's what happened, maybe it was me, maybe him, maybe both of us I don't know. Maybe subconsiously we both realized the same thing at the same time and that's why we're not talking. I'd be lying if I said I was surprised by this. But while laying there with him, I remember having that never-want-the-night-to-end feeling, which I've never had with him before. So maybe this was the reason for that.
Author LoveLace Posted February 12, 2008 Author Posted February 12, 2008 Hi Kam I wasn't angry when I came up with that, I just figured that's what possibly happened, weather it was me or him or both of us, I don't know. But when laying there I had that never-want-the-night to end feeling, which I've never had with him before, so maybe I felt that because of what's going on now. I never tried to say he was "the one" though, just that I've liked him more and more. Those are 2 different things..."the one" question would only come up if we got serious for a while...I think that's the best way to find out if someone's "the one"...I don't think people decide we're "the one" and THEN get serious...do they? That's a$$ backwards to me... oops i posted twice sorry
Author LoveLace Posted February 13, 2008 Author Posted February 13, 2008 I was sitting here thinking I should yet AGAIN go in and delete my last email to him...but got there to discover, he's read it. It was only a few sentences long, and said that what happens while together is incredible, but what happens while a part matters to me too (like not calling...duh didn't put that in there though he knows what it meant); then I admitted to closer feelings while with him last, said it was unfamiliar territory and if it makes him nervous, well join the club. I said I still deserve more than I'm getting, but I didn't say it ignorantly. That was pretty much it. He must have read it just today. But he said he'll be out of town around Valentines Day so I don't know if he's returning or about to leave. And no he hasn't e-mailed back, but he's more likely to respond to it another way, that's how he is...and it's likely to take a few days or more. I was actually thinking of deleting that one, and sending another that would suggest "Friends without benefits"...because who are we kidding, sex is the major attachment, or what causes it anyway. And if I enjoy just his company without sex, why should I have to give that up? I am friends with TONS of guys that I think are cute but I love to hang out with them and could care less that we don't want to hook up "that way". Some of them are even guys that I HAVE hooked up with that way, long time ago. The purpose wouldn't exactly be to kick him into the "friend zone", but to start over in a sense. We got sexually active right into knowing each other...and now that I've found out what good times we have without it, I could more easily go without it if I wanted to. Plus, he's told me once before that he doesn't think I could just "not sleep with him"...I jokingly responded, "Oh yea? Well I won't sleep with you tonight then, just watch"...then he said, "Ok I don't like this game anymore"...one of those playful moments between us. So for me to say let's be Friends without benefits, well that pose a challenge to him, and if I could really hold up on it, he would be chasing, chasing away...from what I can tell, he seems to like it better that way. Why would I choose to subject myself to this? Gosh, I don't know...without sleeping with him, I could probably find out how I truly feel about him, ya think? But since he's read the email, I don't know about sending another one...and again, my message was the only one he looked at, out of like a hundred new ones....I have no desire to call him though, still. It is getting a little easier to deal with this day by day. I can let go, but still wish he'd make a move at the same time.
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