dynababy1 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 My relationship is like everyone else's I guess i love him beyond reason we have been together for 11 months he has been seperated for 5 months of that but nothing is progressing he says he dont wanna lose everything he has so he has to do it right. He has two children one 20 and one 15 he loves them very much..I do not want to be a cause for a heartache for these kids i went thru my dad leaving my mom for another woman when i was twelve and it was the worse hurt of my life...I dont want to complain but he has been crazy since he left her he breaks up with me constantly but then he gets me back. I go to pieces when he give's up so easily cause if he loved me why would he give up? He dont want us to date other people just each other but he dont want a serious commitment to be tied down just a promise to be faithful but in my mind i feel he cheated on her and was married so what would he do to me? He says he was unhappy with her but he is quick tempered with me and short all the time nothing i do is right if i want to see him he says i am clingy and needy.He was my boss but now i am laid off so we dont get to see each other much he treats me great when we are together but like everything is only on his terms never mine. i dont know what way to go except crazy right now..
whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 It sounds like you need to think long term here and not just in the heat of the moment. IF he was a single man, treating you like he is now, would you put up with that treatment? Would you stick around because you LOVE him? Why put up with a jerk when you could have a nice man, especially one who isn't married (yes he still is married, though newly separated) and has tons of emotional baggage. Ofcourse it's on his terms. You are the OW, not his wife. He will make time for you when it suits him best. If you can live with that, be second fiddle to everything else in his life, then continue the A. If you want more, he isn't going to give that to you.
bentnotbroken Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I'm glad to see you took Skirtchaser's advice and came here. You will find more support here.
StillSame Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Let's analyze this logically: I do not want to be a cause for a heartache for these kids i went thru my dad leaving my mom for another woman when i was twelve and it was the worse hurt of my life... Hate to break the news to you, you are causing heartaches to his kids and their mom. You are wrecking their home. They can't come home to mom and dad for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. I go to pieces when he give's up so easily cause if he loved me why would he give up? If he can give up on a 20 plus years of marriage with kids, family, mortgage, etc. involved, getting rid of you should not be a challenge. Don't doubt that. he is quick tempered with me and short all the time nothing i do is right if i want to see him he says i am clingy and needy. This is a HUGE problem. If he gets quick tempered with you during honeymoon stage, what will happen in 2 years, 4 years, etc. down the road? when we are together but like everything is only on his terms never mine. It will only get worse after the honeymoon stage. And, don't be surprise, if he "cheat" on you with his wife or other women.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Sounds like an exit affair to me, if he even actually divorces at all.
jaslene2009 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 You know what? Some of these homes were wrecked before the OW showed her face or vice verser. People leave for different reason and some stay for different reasons. I got married and and was not really sure if it was what I should have been doing. In other words, I felt preassured to do so and did not wait until my heart and mind was ready. There is a time when you become ready. I just think I was not. Therefore, no man or woman can part someone elses's home unless the other person let them. She is not wrecking his home, it was wrecked some how before she got there. Now, if he chooses to stay with his SO and not leave, than I would move on. She could find someone who is wiling to appreciate her self worth. Let's analyze this logically: Hate to break the news to you, you are causing heartaches to his kids and their mom. You are wrecking their home. They can't come home to mom and dad for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. If he can give up on a 20 plus years of marriage with kids, family, mortgage, etc. involved, getting rid of you should not be a challenge. Don't doubt that. This is a HUGE problem. If he gets quick tempered with you during honeymoon stage, what will happen in 2 years, 4 years, etc. down the road? when we are together but like everything is only on his terms never mine. It will only get worse after the honeymoon stage. And, don't be surprise, if he "cheat" on you with his wife or other women.
Author dynababy1 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 I feel where u are coming from..I really do he says love yet i know what love should be and i have never allowed myself to love anyone like him..I think his home is broken reguardless of me it is just i dont see him continuing on with me maybe i am his exit.He was afraid to be alone and said he would never be by himself now he says he will be alone for a while to be sure before he jumps into anything.He loves me but i dont think it is that true true love. I am having a hard time at the thought of letting him go but it is inevitable i guess and painful for me..
nextel Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 My relationship is like everyone else's I guess i love him beyond reason we have been together for 11 months he has been seperated for 5 months of that but nothing is progressing he says he dont wanna lose everything he has so he has to do it right. He has two children one 20 and one 15 he loves them very much..I do not want to be a cause for a heartache for these kids i went thru my dad leaving my mom for another woman when i was twelve and it was the worse hurt of my life...I dont want to complain but he has been crazy since he left her he breaks up with me constantly but then he gets me back. I go to pieces when he give's up so easily cause if he loved me why would he give up? He dont want us to date other people just each other but he dont want a serious commitment to be tied down just a promise to be faithful but in my mind i feel he cheated on her and was married so what would he do to me? He says he was unhappy with her but he is quick tempered with me and short all the time nothing i do is right if i want to see him he says i am clingy and needy.He was my boss but now i am laid off so we dont get to see each other much he treats me great when we are together but like everything is only on his terms never mine. i dont know what way to go except crazy right now.. No relationship is perfect, and nobody is perfect either. But when you find yourself in a situation that hurts then you have evaluate things and make a decision. Yes it is easier said than done, but you have to value yourself to make the tough decisions. There is a certain way in which you expect to be treated and you have to take that stance regardless of who you love. Don't be afraid of losing something that you don't have. MM should know better than to treat you in any unacceptable way. If a man starts to mistreat you and say things like he has, it means he has lost his respect for you. When a man stops respecting the woman that he is seeing (whether in an affair or not), its one of two things... 1. He does not value what you have going on with him or 2. He is insecure. You decide which one it is.
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