meadowlark Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I have recently separated from my husband after finding out he and one of my friends have been carrying on an intimate relationship for months. I just became pregnant again before finding out so am now with child and have a 2 year old as well...and I am in shambles. He has not taken responsibility for any of his actions, shows no remorse and neither does she. In fact she is very satisfied that I have found out about her and my husband's affair after going to some lengths to make sure I found out. I am beyond devastated emotionally, financially, and not sure where to turn. I run the events of the last few months over and over in my mind to go over details I obviously missed with my husband's behavior and I find myself obssessing over why someone I trusted in my home and around my child would do something like this. I can't sleep at night, and I am humliated, furious and feel like someone has ripped out my guts. I don't know when this pain will ease up, but everytime I look at my son I see his innocent face and feel like crying, about his now changed life and future. As well as the future of my unborn child. My husband and I cannot speak, there is too much anger and he has taken a defensive role rather than admit wrongdoing, so we are at a standstill and will be for a long time. There is definitely a divorce in the near future, but I am so depressed that I can barely force myself through the day. The worst part is knowing how happy that B*&^ is that we have broken up, I guess I didn't see her jealousy and hate, but it has destroyed my life and 2 other innocent lives. How do I get over this??? (please don't tell me to seek counselling!) What consolation do I have that this person will get what she deserves for inflicting this kind of harm on people?? I need to get past some of this pain, but I can't seem to escape its overwhelming presence. I don't know how to escape this pain.
guessjeans Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 right now, he is getting his cake and eat it too. What has this affair cost him? Nothing..so far! And he wont see what this affair cost him until you leave or he leaves! In most cases, this affair wont last and one day he will wake up from his infatuation of this woman and the sex and excitment and see what it cost him. Not only a terrific woman that loved him, but an unborn child that he will never be close to and know. He has made his choice and let him feel the pain of his actions. All actions come with consequences good or bad. He needs to feel the cost of those choices he has made. Make it quite clear to him that you will not tolerate this behavior in your marriage, and give him a good dose of reality! You will see your children on weekends only, you gave up a woman that loved you, and a safe place to fall when things got tough! Not to mention, monetarily what it will now cost him for the rest of his life! You think when reality kicks in, the excitment wears off, he isnt going to be knocking on your door begging for forgiveness? Darn tooten he will..then kick him to the curb where he belongs. For the life of me, I cant understand sex being such a powerful physical need that would allow ppl to give up and lose so much in their life for it. There are men out there that would give their right arm to have what that man had, and he threw it all way for the excitment of sex and the grass is greener theory. Make him realize what his actions have cost him! Give him a good dose of reality. I would even call a lawyer and tell him you are starting divorce proceedings, that you could never ever trust him again. Welcome to part time fatherhood and paying a lot of money for the rest of his life. Hope she was worth it!...And she isnt..and he will realize, she wasnt. guessjeans
jeffrey_e Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I'm so sorry. I have an idea as to how you feel. My wife of 27 years has kept a friend in the wings for years. Four weeks ago she says she wants a divorce and 2 days later she sends him an email saying " I LOVE YOU. YOUR DANI." Shes been having phone sex with this guy every night but when she was with me it was sex ever 4-6 weeks. she doent know that I know and so she felt it was ok to ask me to watch the dogs while she went out of town. How sick is that? Yesterday I met her for the first time since and we broke up again but in a much nicer way. I held her in my arms and she cried. I rocked her and kissed her on her head and said," go find your happiness" I needed to let her go but it will bother me for some time. I mean we still love each other but she is angry at me for not making more of myself ( I own my own company and make $70k - $90k per year.) so she went back to the guy shes had on the side since he is a millionare. I didnt make enough and times running out(shes almost 50). I too keep running things in my head but its confusing when we talk on the phone and says I Love You, I Love You Too. I am Low maint. and she is high. Whetever...it still hurts. I've lost 20lbs in 30 days. I eat but my body burns it up. Thats how intense the pain is. I cant wait for it to stop. I hope your pain stops soon. Just try not to cheat it by going out with someone to soon. Keep focused on yourself, Heal and then move on to your next relationship. I wish you so much luck. You didnt deserve this but you can look at yourself in the mirror. Hold your head high. All the best, Jeffrey
Nomad1 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I know how you feel. The constance of the pain is excruciating. On top of that you have a toddler and an unborn child. His selfishness is inhumane. He does not seem to care about you at all. Stop caring. I know it is hard, but a starting point is to decide that it is over and that you will never be with him again as a couple. Take the high road. Forgive him if you can and encourage him to be a good father if he wants to. Make him face up to his responsibilities as a father. The more you show him your pain, the more he will think that he is in control and will continue to 'punish' you. Be strong for the sake of your unborn child and your two year old. Give them your undivided attention. They will get you through this. I feel for you and hope that you will get through this. Take care Nomad1
Gunny376 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 This? This is going to be one of my harder posts that I ever made on LS? Why? Because I'm telling more about myself than I really want to? Granted! I can't spell worth a damn ~ its a mental thing ~ a mental block ~ and to be honest! I don' really give a damn! I simple can't spell worth a damn! Doesn't mean I'm not intellegent ~ I did twenty years in the Marine Corps ~ got out ~ went to college ~ work in a lab! My point! A lot of what you're going through ~ the high's and lows? Are because you're pregnant! In fact! Most of what you're going through is because you're pregnant! Right now? Your body and your mind is going down a "rapid" of hormones, bio-chemicals, and emotions because your PREGNANT! Sorry for the AngryFace ~ But I am a Marine Gunny!
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