Language barriers and relationships = funny mix sometimes... Anyone else know??

[j_hunt_12]

Ok so 6 months ago I left to study a foreign language abroad. Met my language tutor on the first day I was there. We could barely communicate, but still spent a lot of time together and practicing. After two months though I could speak her language very well (I'd studied it a lot before but just needed to get comfortable). After two months spending so much time together we pretty much fell in love, even though she still couldn't speak English well. We were together for two months, then she left to study in the U.S. to practice her english. Now, I'm still studying abroad in her home country and we are in an LDR. Well after two months of LDR we finally get to talk on the phone.

 

Anyways, she was speaking english when she called, and it was SOOOO weird for me for some reason. She spoke it very well (still with an accent that was really cute), but I just can't get over it for some reason. I don't feel any differently about her or anything but switching and speaking in English was just so strange for me. She really sounded like a different person in a way. It's like we fell in love using her language so switching to another was very strange. Thinking about all the little fun jokes we had that just dont transfer to English... It's a cultural as well as liguistic issue, but I'm just amazed at how strange it was to switch over. Now I'm just wondering if anyone has ever gone through anything like this. I just feel that if we switch permanently, which is likely for the long-term, it will be an issue gaining comfort after switching languages.

 

This isn't like a very serious issue for me or anything... I'm not too worried our relationship is in danger or anything. We will adjust with a little time and over the telephone is definitely the worst time to make a switch like that, but just now when we talked, it got me thinking about the importance of communication in relationships and what type of influence it might have on relationships. Something people forget about so easily.

[ZenSilk]

What you describe is very familiar to me. I was in that situation with my ex, both of us perfectly managed the other's language, but we met in his language and that's what we always spoke. Whenever he tried to change to my language, it felt weird. It's like it was a different relationship all of a sudden, like the confidence we had gained in his language was partly gone when switching. Other times, it's just confusing, like you placed that person in the language #1 region of your brain and all of a sudden they're talking in language #2.

 

It's really funny how much changes when one speaks in a different language, as you said, there are so many cultural details included in the idioms and such that it's like a whole other world. I live in a country where my mother tongue is not spoken, and for the longest time I felt like a different person when I was speaking in one language or the other. I think a language can help bring out new facettes of yourself, after all, the way we express ourselves is a big part of who we are and how people see us.

 

I guess one has to learn to feel comfortable with integrating those both sides. But of course, that needs time. Maybe for an LDR it's easier to stick to one language? On the other hand, I've also had the situation where I'd switch between two languages talking to the same person, sometimes even during the same conversation. That sometimes made it easier to always express what you meant, as your mind might start thinking in both languages once you grow more confident in the foreign language. Also, lately I've found that letting someone know me in the different languages I speak is an important part of sharing who I am with that person and of showing more trust.

[j_hunt_12]

Yeah, I think your right that it will take some time to get used to. Maybe she's smarter than me or maybe english is an easier language, but she has just gotten really good really quick, so later it will just make sense to speak in English. The weirdest thing is that it's really hard for me to say "I love you" in English, and it is for her too so we still switched back when we started to say our mushy goodbyes. It just feels like we went through all that nervousness and romance in her language. We both came out and used the L word in her language a while ago and we got comfortable there, so it is like going through it again. I guess she'll just have to take over both sides of my brain with time, then we'll kind of meet in the midddle somewhere.

[bridget]

I went out with a Dutch fella for two years and our communication was all over the place. More funny than frustrating though. We met while working in Berlin so we communicated in German (at work, initially) and when the relationship developed into a personal one we started speaking English (as the Dutch do so wonderfully) but we still had this German/English switch going on. Until 8am we'd be walking to work, eating breakfast in cafes talking in English and then we'd arrive at work and sit at our adjacent desks blathering to one another in German. The problems arose when I started learning Dutch and wanted to practise... that became a bit too much for the poor bloke!

 

My most recent ex was Austrian. We spoke exclusively in German as his English was... dreadful, not to mince words. His German was interesting too, being one of those crazy dialects from Salzburgerland

 

If I were in a LDR I would want to stick to one language, as the previous poster has said. But I think it's good for both partners to be able to express their thoughts feelings in both their native language and the native language of their partner if that makes sense.

 

It's very strange to switch though, I'll give you that. I did think this thread was going to be about some of the classic clangers people come out with in their second/third/forth language... I made a tit of myself in the Netherlands so many times. Thank god for good senses of humour is all I can say!

[j_hunt_12]

Yeah it's funny too. I'm still thinking about the time my GF kissed me on the cheek and said "What is this called in English? .... chi... chee....... chicken?" She got mad when I laughed but it was the cutest thing ever. I've said much worse in her language too. Fun times, fun times.