gooseoriceman Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Alright, This is yet another story about some poor guy getting dumped. I was with a girl for about 4 months...not too long of a relationship but I feel hard for this one. Her decision to leave me happened after winter break when we both came back to school. I traveled down to see her during break and everything seemed fine, I even met her parents. They loved me by the way. I was a great boyfriend. I was kind, caring and compassionate. I always made sure that she knew I thought she mattered and tried to do that while giving her space. I dont think I smothered her and I know I was not too needy. In fact I was an emotional rock for her during the relationship. She was really stressed all semester, her identity was stolen, and her grandmother died. In all those instances she turned to me for helped and I did my best to comfort her and reassure her without treating her like a fragile piece of china or being an jackass. I always went above and beyond for her too. I thought everything was great! The break up was a complete shock to me. I thought we were both happy, and never fought. There were little arguements but it was mostly playful teasing. I remember one day while lieing in bed she looks at me and says "Why are you so good to me?". I said I love you a little to early, but after about 3 weeks she said she loved me too. I really meant it and I mean real love not lust love or infatuation love (Im a bit more mature than my age would suggest, Im 21). We are both 2nd semester seniors that are graduating this semester Her reasons for leaving (what she told me) 1. I cant be in this relationship 2. You are the best boyfriend I ever had. You didnt do anything wrong, there was nothing you could have done 3. I dont feel as committed to this relationship as I feel like I should What I think I did wrong: 1. Told her I love her too soon (I do love her, but I think I just expressed myself to soon) 2. Was not a challenge to her, she knew I adored her 3. During break I told her I miss you every call (I did, but ironically I did this because I thought she wanted me to) What I have done since the breakup 1. Day of said break up got drunk and texted her a little bit ( nothing too wierd or mean, just a stupid thing to do) 2. No communication for 1 week- then I called her to tell her I understand her reasons, I was dissapointed that she didnt come and talk to me about her problems, and that I would miss her, the relationship, and that I would enjoy the memories of the good times 3. Have not talked to her since (has been 1 week, 2 weeks since breakup as of today) She has not called me back, and not attempted any communication. She wouldnt meet me when I called her, but will pick up my phone calls. I want to know what this all means. Does she still care about me, do I have a chance of getting her back. And are there any new things I can try baed on this situation. I dont have any allusions that this wouldnt last past May because I start my career and she goes to law school, but I cant let it end like this. My fear is that she is a trong woman and very stubborn, which I was greatly attracted to but I feel like if she feels she wants me back she would be too stubborn to admit it; or even act on those feelings. I thought she very well could be the one, but I feel like she didnt give it a chance. Any thoughts. Thanks
vivrantflo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 2. You are the best boyfriend I ever had. You didnt do anything wrong, there was nothing you could have done 3. I dont feel as committed to this relationship as I feel like I should In my opinion, she has her eyes on someone else. When it comes to women, actions speak louder than words, but what she's saying here should tell you what she's feeling. 2. You are the best boyfriend I ever had. You didn't do anything wrong, there was nothing you could have done. = You're a nice guy, and I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't want to be with you anymore. 3.I dont feel as committed to this relationship as I feel like I should = There's another guy I have my eye on, and I don't want to cheat on you, or have interest in another guy while im with you, cause the guilt will kill me. In my opinion, you should go NC with her. Chances are she's already dating someone else, which is why she's igoring you. Go NC, and try to detach yourself away from her. You sound like a nice guy, that treats his women good. You'll meet another great girl that would appreciate you, and wouldnt want to let you go.. This girl will regret dumping you, but that's her problem.. move on
Author gooseoriceman Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 her friends say she isnt dating someone else (mutual friends) I was worried about that right after the break upbut it seems like that wasnt an issue. She may have her eyes on another guy but we travel in the same circles. I would have heard about it, if she did. But thats definitely a possibility
vivrantflo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 If she has her eyes on someone, and she doesn't want you to know.. you WONT find out.. trust me.. Guys may be considered dogs, but women are cats.. why?? Cause they're better at cleaning up their $#!T
Belkin Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) I'd go with the new boyfriend theory too, sorry... Happened to me a week ago, exactly same situation, I'm 22, she's 21, we're both students in the same school, and had been going out for 3 months... She told me exactly the things as your gf, and I believed her. Two days later she was going out with another guy openly As least YOU don't have to see her everyday with her new bf... The best solution is NC, I'm sorry to say. (But it's hard I know, I'm currently back up in my room for a pause during a end of exams party, where she and him are dancing together ) So be courageous, and try to occupy yourself the most you can (sports, go out with friends...) Well, I gotta go back downstairs to the party... Gonna be hard, we're all in this together! Edited January 31, 2008 by Belkin
Author gooseoriceman Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Like I said, it is a definite possibility, but some of her really good friends are saying thats not it. One of them said she still likes me. Are there any other thoughts. Her being a lying cheating &*$% is a possibility but it just seems unlikely. A girls perspective maybe?
cant let go Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 even as a girl... i have to agree that she probably has feelings for someone else. or maybe she has some other ideal for love in her mind or maybe there is just something from her past that she hasn't let go. she could be just caught up in a crush that isn't really developing into anything but nonetheless, if her feelings are not 100% into you anymore, she probably just feels wrong staying with you. she needs some space. def don't beg or grovel. just let her figure things out on her own and be nice to her if she contacts you. just don't expect anything and you can't be disappointed. if it's really possible to ever not expect anything.
Author gooseoriceman Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Thanks for all the input guys: I've been doing all thie things I should be doing but I have found out that she is 100% single, there is no other guy. This is coming from god knows how many sources, her friends, mutual friends and my friends. Problem is when I see her she doesnt want to talk. I dont want to push it but how do you think I can make it less awkward for her, so we can hopefully start over, take it all slow. Any thoughts?
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