brokenhearteddad Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 My wife & I have been married 1 year, together 2. After our daughter was born (11mo ago), I worked days, she worked nights & we only saw each other 5 min/day. I told her that we should rearrange work schedules to work on our marriage. I know that you all do not know the dynamics of my situation and every relationship is different. I actually told her I would quit my job and would work at McDonals if I needed to to work on our marriage. She was willing to leave her job and stay at home and spend more time with our daughter and myself until we could get back on the same page in our marriage. She put in her notice and a week before she was to leave, she told me that she wasn't ready to quit. I said no problem, but we really should try & make time to see each other more even if it were one more day or night for ourselves. Everything went down hill from there. She started getting angry & mean to me & about a month or so later she said we need to separate. Well, a week after we separated she started seeing a guy that drives in from Knoxville to Nashville 170 miles away each day to pick up a load of computers (where she works) to take to back to Knoxville (where he also lives). She is 24, he's 42 twice divorced, with a few kids, Im a 35, devoted, loving husband, a good father and provider. I am by no means perfect or saying I am a great catch, but I was a good husband who treated her great, lovingly, listened, sent flowers, told her I loved her ten times a day, etc, and likely an upgrade from what she left me for. I know you only have one side of the story here, but I will admit that this is pretty accurate even coming from my hurt point of view. She blames me for everything and anything & says that she doesnt love me like she did and when our daughter was born she changed. I always treated her well, dont cheat, yell, abuse her. I told her I loved her at least 10 times a day. I send flowers and I am responsible. Asked her to go to counselling and she said no. It has been 2 months since I moved out and she says that she may be falling in love with this guy, which kills me. She talks to me like she hates me now and has so much anger towards me for no reason. I am sure the blame and the anger towards me is a way for her to feel better about what she is doing. I tried everything and cried while litterally begging her to work on our marriage and she sighed and got angry that I told her that I loved her and missed her. I am not a pushover and don't cry often, but I do believe that marriage and commitment are forever and not easy. Again, I am not saying at all that I am a perfect husband, but I was very good to her and treated her well. Is the blame she is puting on me normal? She has no friends at all and has had only bad relationships in the past until she and I met. Her mother conditioned her poorly by preaching to her growing up that her and her fathers marriage was miserable and that she should never stay in a marriage if it is not perfect, which is unrealsitic for sure. I imagine that she will have to realize that the "Grass is not greener on the other side". I believe she took the easy way out by pushing marriage issues aside to be with someone that tells her great things. I do accept responsibility, but she is laying the blame on heavier every day which she is trying to keep herself angry at me I guess. It would be easier without a child in the picture, so I have to speak with her. I try to keep the topic on our daughter but it somehow turns into her getting angry over absolutely nothing. I miss her and love her completely and I am devastated and lost. I am trying to find strength to move on but I have had many tear filled nights missing her and my daughter. Any advice would be great. I did file for divorce last week. Sorry for the lengthy post. Any advice would be great, thanks.
hippyvic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Its a tough one, especially for you snd it is still quite raw and obviouskly hurtful for you right now and probably will be for a long time. At the moment, there is very little you can do if she is angry. Just make sure you still get to see your daughter whenever you can as I'm sure she is the most important person in your life. There probably isn't a valid reason why she left and i'm sure one day she will wake up and realise what a big mistake she has made. At that point it is for you to realise if you can ever trust her again. Big hugs to you and try and spend time with your family and friends who will help you through it. In the meantime, if you need a chat, you know where i and the forum are, we are here for you
Meaplus3 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 My wife & I have been married 1 year, together 2. After our daughter was born (11mo ago), I worked days, she worked nights & we only saw each other 5 min/day. I told her that we should rearrange work schedules to work on our marriage. I know that you all do not know the dynamics of my situation and every relationship is different. I actually told her I would quit my job and would work at McDonals if I needed to to work on our marriage. She was willing to leave her job and stay at home and spend more time with our daughter and myself until we could get back on the same page in our marriage. She put in her notice and a week before she was to leave, she told me that she wasn't ready to quit. I said no problem, but we really should try & make time to see each other more even if it were one more day or night for ourselves. Everything went down hill from there. She started getting angry & mean to me & about a month or so later she said we need to separate. Well, a week after we separated she started seeing a guy that drives in from Knoxville to Nashville 170 miles away each day to pick up a load of computers (where she works) to take to back to Knoxville (where he also lives). She is 24, he's 42 twice divorced, with a few kids, Im a 35, devoted, loving husband, a good father and provider. I am by no means perfect or saying I am a great catch, but I was a good husband who treated her great, lovingly, listened, sent flowers, told her I loved her ten times a day, etc, and likely an upgrade from what she left me for. I know you only have one side of the story here, but I will admit that this is pretty accurate even coming from my hurt point of view. She blames me for everything and anything & says that she doesnt love me like she did and when our daughter was born she changed. I always treated her well, dont cheat, yell, abuse her. I told her I loved her at least 10 times a day. I send flowers and I am responsible. Asked her to go to counselling and she said no. It has been 2 months since I moved out and she says that she may be falling in love with this guy, which kills me. She talks to me like she hates me now and has so much anger towards me for no reason. I am sure the blame and the anger towards me is a way for her to feel better about what she is doing. I tried everything and cried while litterally begging her to work on our marriage and she sighed and got angry that I told her that I loved her and missed her. I am not a pushover and don't cry often, but I do believe that marriage and commitment are forever and not easy. Again, I am not saying at all that I am a perfect husband, but I was very good to her and treated her well. Is the blame she is puting on me normal? She has no friends at all and has had only bad relationships in the past until she and I met. Her mother conditioned her poorly by preaching to her growing up that her and her fathers marriage was miserable and that she should never stay in a marriage if it is not perfect, which is unrealsitic for sure. I imagine that she will have to realize that the "Grass is not greener on the other side". I believe she took the easy way out by pushing marriage issues aside to be with someone that tells her great things. I do accept responsibility, but she is laying the blame on heavier every day which she is trying to keep herself angry at me I guess. It would be easier without a child in the picture, so I have to speak with her. I try to keep the topic on our daughter but it somehow turns into her getting angry over absolutely nothing. I miss her and love her completely and I am devastated and lost. I am trying to find strength to move on but I have had many tear filled nights missing her and my daughter. Any advice would be great. I did file for divorce last week. Sorry for the lengthy post. Any advice would be great, thanks. I'm so very sorry your hurting... as this is a very touch spot to be in. Going through a divorce is never an easy thing..Have you considered some therapy as a good mean's of support? Therapy can work wonder's... when in need. I really feel for you here...take each day as it's come's and try to remain strong for your daughter..hug's AP:)
Author brokenhearteddad Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 I am actually seeing a therapist and it is working but this has crushed me down to my very core and will take a long time to recover. Thanks
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