lost4ever Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) So my H always tells me anytime a man talks to me it's because he wants to sleep with me. I think/thought this is a stupid idea...but now I'm starting to believe him. Why can a man not talk without making some kind of pass at you? It's always the, just kidding unless your going to do it... do you think it's men, or do I give off some flirty "vibe"? I don't mean to, but this is really really annoying me. I wrote my instructor on an assignment...now 15 emails later I don't even want to go to class anymore... Edited January 31, 2008 by lost4ever title is worng...ops!
bridget Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I was going to post a similar thread. I'm having HUGE problems with men who can't understand the 'just friends' thing, lately. I always thought it was rubbish that "men and women can't be friends" but I'm starting to believe it, too, and thus feel really disillusioned. Generally we just let it slide and continue to hang out together, I tend to think they're just chancing it... trying their luck. But there's one who is very... persistent. We were really good, good friends and on the same wavelength (such a rare occurence for me, especially with blokes) so it's sad. Just a shame, really You do wonder if it's something you're putting out there, but you can't blame yourself if men can't understand the boundaries. Especially with a married woman, sheesh...
SamZamboni Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 There's really too much truth to it. See "When Harry Met Sally" and you'll hear the best arguments for why men and women can't be friends. Sexual attraction is at the root of it but the rationale is too funny and too true.
LoveLace Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 There's really too much truth to it. See "When Harry Met Sally" and you'll hear the best arguments for why men and women can't be friends. Sexual attraction is at the root of it but the rationale is too funny and too true. This is what I was going to refer to...When Harry Met Sally. Harry said no matter what woman a guy is friends with, he'll want to sleep with her if there's attraction. Then Sally asks what if she's not attractive? Harry's reply: "You pretty much want to nail them, too." I've also heard guys say, "I don't expect to get lucky, I hope to get lucky"...in other words, the possibility is ALWAYS in the back of their minds, especially if he finds her attractive. And I've had male friends tell me, if a girl is even talking to them at all, they might think there's a chance of getting laid. If a guy talks to a girl, she thinks "I wonder if he likes me?"...while the guy thinks, "I wonder if she wants to sleep with me".
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Do a google search on "ladder theory" and check the first hit. That will tell you what you need to know. It is tongue in cheek, sharp and funny but in many ways oh so true.
LoveLace Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Do a google search on "ladder theory" and check the first hit. That will tell you what you need to know. It is tongue in cheek, sharp and funny but in many ways oh so true. Ha ha...looked it up...very funny..and true...
taiko Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Does not JUST suggest something more something better is availble? Who wants to settle for second best?
Author lost4ever Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Wow LB, that does have a lot of truth behind it (sorry to say, on both sides!)......I'm sticking to just talking to gay men and my H! lesson learned.....
Phateless Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Being interested/attracted to a female friend is one thing, but acting on it or attempting to force it on her is quite another. I have plenty of female friends that I'm attracted to/mildly interested in, but I don't hit on them, nor would I be interested in dating them. Most of the time when I randomly initiate conversation with a woman I don't know, it's based on at least a physical attraction or curiosity about the person. Sometimes I just want to talk to her to find out if I'm interested. It doesn't always mean I'm trying to get into her pants just because I asked her if she's also waiting for speech class.
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I remember this guy friend I had...I still have him on my myspace but we rarely talk, now. Anyways, he had a foot fetish and I unfortunatley have a huge scar on my left foot from an accident when I was a baby, so I was obviously low on his ladder. So we cultivated a pretty good friendship. He would do couple-like things with me while he was single. We went to movies together, and would often watch the food network while on the phone with each other (weird, I know, but fun at the time). One day he was at my house and I went to get something out of the freezer. A point to add here is that I never wear a bra when I'm at home. My boobs are gigantic now, due to pregnancy, but normally they are a perky B, so they don't require support. When I came back from the freezer, my nipples were hard and clearly outlined against my tank top. I joked with him for a second, then turned to put my food treat that I retrieved from the freezer on the table. When I turned back around he had a very prominent erection and he was staring at me while stroking himself. I paused (I had been chatting while turned around, and paused mid-sentence). Then I very deliberately turned BACK around and said, "Whenever you're ready for me to turn around, let me know...." He tamed his erection quickly and we went on like nothing had happened. But our friendship was never the same and we pretty much stoped hanging out after that. I tossed him into the abyss.... Around that time I realized that all my male friends (and I had tons of them) were just waiting for the opportunity to have sex with me. That was about 3 years ago. At this point in my life I have no male friends.
Phateless Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I remember this guy friend I had...I still have him on my myspace but we rarely talk, now. Anyways, he had a foot fetish and I unfortunatley have a huge scar on my left foot from an accident when I was a baby, so I was obviously low on his ladder. So we cultivated a pretty good friendship. He would do couple-like things with me while he was single. We went to movies together, and would often watch the food network while on the phone with each other (weird, I know, but fun at the time). One day he was at my house and I went to get something out of the freezer. A point to add here is that I never wear a bra when I'm at home. My boobs are gigantic now, due to pregnancy, but normally they are a perky B, so they don't require support. When I came back from the freezer, my nipples were hard and clearly outlined against my tank top. I joked with him for a second, then turned to put my food treat that I retrieved from the freezer on the table. When I turned back around he had a very prominent erection and he was staring at me while stroking himself. I paused (I had been chatting while turned around, and paused mid-sentence). Then I very deliberately turned BACK around and said, "Whenever you're ready for me to turn around, let me know...." He tamed his erection quickly and we went on like nothing had happened. But our friendship was never the same and we pretty much stoped hanging out after that. I tossed him into the abyss.... Around that time I realized that all my male friends (and I had tons of them) were just waiting for the opportunity to have sex with me. That was about 3 years ago. At this point in my life I have no male friends. Sad, but to a certain degree, true. I have even realized that some female friends seem at times like they are hoping to be more as well. It's flattering but I wonder if that's the only reason they hang out with me. Weird how it's flattering and insulting at the same time, isn't it?
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Sad, but to a certain degree, true. I have even realized that some female friends seem at times like they are hoping to be more as well. It's flattering but I wonder if that's the only reason they hang out with me. Weird how it's flattering and insulting at the same time, isn't it? Yes it's a strange sensation. Thing is, I've always been game for sex, even when no relationship was at hand. With guys who are firmly entrenched on my friends ladder, though, there has not and never will be any ladder jumping.
Nemo Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 When a man say "Hi" to a woman, the real meaning behind it is, "I just pictured us having sex."
Phateless Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Yes it's a strange sensation. Thing is, I've always been game for sex, even when no relationship was at hand. With guys who are firmly entrenched on my friends ladder, though, there has not and never will be any ladder jumping. See, a lot of guys are honestly afraid to make a move until we get to know you, and decide that we like you. If we knew ahead of time that you might be down for friends with benefits we would be a lot more clear. I have one friend who is an actual honest FRIEND but we used to sleep together every now and then. It was never an issue. The option is still there but there's no pressure. It's a very healthy situation. So Otter, you've never fallen in love with a friend? That happens to guys all the time...
norajane Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 When a man say "Hi" to a woman, the real meaning behind it is, "I just pictured us having sex." "Friend is a code word for "women I'd like to f*ck," said a friend of mine.
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 So Otter, you've never fallen in love with a friend? That happens to guys all the time... Ah, my first love was a friend...but a woman. We had a weird relationship where we would be intimate and cuddle, but we would also date men. We both agreed we liked the penis. Then she had to go and sleep with a guy I was dating. I've never fallen for a male friend. I have had several FWB relationships, though, with men.
Author lost4ever Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 I never had a FWB, but I am guilty of the "cuddle b!tch" thing.... though I think some men don't have the ladder....I think they will sleep with anything.....my opinion, I've been cheated on with people way lower on the ladder than me. (and thats not to be snotty, just saying)
blind_otter Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 my opinion, I've been cheated on with people way lower on the ladder than me. (and thats not to be snotty, just saying) I've had this experience, too. I had one BF who cheated on me 8 times, I later found out. Some of these women would approach me and tell me...I remember once sitting across the table at a bar from a woman who looked so bovine. She had straggly hair, was very overweight but wearing a tube top, was pale and pasty, and she also had a well known reputation for sleeping around. I was almost open mouthed with shock. I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea of my then-BF sleeping with her. I call that "slumming".
SamZamboni Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 That's way below slumming. Down here, we call it cow tipping.
lindya Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 though I think some men don't have the ladder....I think they will sleep with anything.....my opinion, I've been cheated on with people way lower on the ladder than me. (and thats not to be snotty, just saying) I think it's true that the opportunity will tend to be seized if there. There are a few single men in the block I live in, and a few of them have cracked onto me recently. Never mind very obvious age differentials, or the highly untempting, mascara smudged spectacle I make when trudging into the building after a hard day's work. I think when it's cold outside, that's an incentive to court a potential f*ck buddy you wouldn't need to leave the building for. That or they're running a sweepstake. Men and women certainly can be just friends provided neither has got it really bad for the other. A spot of sexual opportunism rearing its head needn't be the end of the friendship, unless it's handled badly - or was the only reason for the guy being your friend in the first place.
oppath Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I'm friends with a LOT of women. Some of them I am mildly interested in. I keep myself in check when they have boyfriends. However, if I meet you semi-randomly, and we have not established a friendship through mutual friends, work, some class we are taking, and I try to hang out with you...it means I am interested at the very least in sleeping with you. So women, if you meet a random guy, and he wants to hang out, he probably has a sexual and romantic agenda. I've seen a lot of people naive to that fact -- especially within relationships -- when they meet someone new. A guy is not going to ask a woman to go do something, if they don't have an established history or rapport, unless he has interest. Men are capable of being just friends. But if you meet a new dude, he wants more, so if you are going into it thinking you are making a new friend, you'll be disappointed. And yes, I'd sleep with most of my female friends given the opportunity regardless of how it would affect the friendship. I wouldn't date some of them for fear of losing the friendship, but I would sleep with them.
Florida Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I'm friends with a LOT of women. Some of them I am mildly interested in. I keep myself in check when they have boyfriends. However, if I meet you semi-randomly, and we have not established a friendship through mutual friends, work, some class we are taking, and I try to hang out with you...it means I am interested at the very least in sleeping with you. So women, if you meet a random guy, and he wants to hang out, he probably has a sexual and romantic agenda. I've seen a lot of people naive to that fact -- especially within relationships -- when they meet someone new. A guy is not going to ask a woman to go do something, if they don't have an established history or rapport, unless he has interest. Men are capable of being just friends. But if you meet a new dude, he wants more, so if you are going into it thinking you are making a new friend, you'll be disappointed. And yes, I'd sleep with most of my female friends given the opportunity regardless of how it would affect the friendship. I wouldn't date some of them for fear of losing the friendship, but I would sleep with them. Oppath how exactly will you handle this when you meet a girl who becomes your serious GF? Would you try to keep them? Or let them fade off? I remember when dating, I would always check the guys social networking site page (okay fine -myspace/facebook) and if he had comments on his page from girls galore that was the end of that. I've never met a guy with lots of girl friends who didn't foster some inappropriate ones that probably scared off some prospective GF's, and they (the guy) probably wondered what happened afterwards. Or are you holding out to meet someone who is laidback with all of them?
Enema Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Why would a man want to be just friends with a woman?
Phateless Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Opp - I totally agree. This thread ties in nicely with the thread recently about girls who give out their number, don't mention the bf, and are surprised at what happens next. You started that thread, didn't you? Florida - I keep in touch with who I want to keep in touch with, but a lot of the less close female friends will probably fade off when I get a serious gf. Not because I wanted to sleep with them, but mostly because I won't have time for them. That happens with most people when they get a significant other, and with friends of both sexes, right? As for myspace - you would disqualify me because I have a lot of comments from girls, even if they're all friendly and most of them aren't even flirty? My top list is actually 50/50 (not on purpose) I counted recently out of sheer curiosity.
Phateless Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Why would a man want to be just friends with a woman? I have some very cool JUST friends that are women. Just because I'm attracted and wouldn't mind sleeping with them doesn't mean I'm trying to, or hitting on them. Nor does it mean I would stop hanging out with them if they got a bf. Just that one girl I made all those threads about.
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