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urgent! a big problem


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Posted

hi everyone

im in a bit of a fix.

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago and i have maintained absolutely strict NC since.

We were together all through college(4 years) and broke up when he left me for another girl. Luckily this was at the very end of college so i havent had to attend classes with him.

I have made sure that i dont run into him these three months and it has really helped me to slowly detach myself.

But our friends circle is absolutely the same and i did have great difficulty in avoiding him. I managed by excusing myself from get togethers where he was sure to come.but mostly i did not miss much because he's rarely invited by anyone.

But now there is a problem, my best friends birthday party is this saturday and he is goin to be there maybe with his new girlfriend!

i dont want to sound juvenile but im absolutely not ready to be around him,specially see both of them together. I have made great progress in getting over him, but it still doesnt change the fact that he was my first love and the breakup left me completely shattered.

One thing i know for sure....i dont want to get back with him.Infact i dont even want to see or talk to him again.

And this is goin to be a very small cozy party,sort of a bonfire and barbeque.How the hell am i going to keep my poise in such a situation.

I wish it had been a huge party where i could have avoided him.

what do i do....im so worried.I dont want him to see that he still effects me :(

Posted

Your best friend will understand if you dont want to go and why.

  • Author
Posted (edited)

ofcourse he will...but is that the only option?

i want to be there for his birthday.its impossible i kno.

but thnkx for the advice flowerystars

Edited by purplegurl
Posted

It's a tough one because it's such a cozy atmosphere. If it were in a club it would be a lot easier to remove yourself from his proximity.

 

I don't know what your options are besides avoiding the party altogether or sucking it up and realizing it was bound to happen. And prepare yourself to face it as the challenge that it is.

 

Do you think you can get yourself mentally ready to face him by Saturday? Or do you still need more time?

 

One thing to consider is if you finally face him you won't have to exude as much energy by trying to avoid him anymore. He won't be on your mind as much if you just take it as it comes and if you run into him you run into him. It could be a good opportunity to free yourself from the hold he has on you.

 

Can you do it?

  • Author
Posted

i dont know if im ready or not amaysngrace.....ur right and the very same thing has been playing on my mind too.

I dont know how long i can go on avoiding him.

He has tried several times to initiate contact, and i have always not replied to his messages and calls.

My friends are telling me to relax and just ignore him. But i dont want to make it awkward for everyone.

Hope it doesnt result in a setback in my progress so far.

Posted

Can you go and bring a good friend to act as a companion and date?

 

This will ease the tension.

Posted

Your friends give you good advice. You could show up and see how it goes. Make sure you have your own way home. If it gets too uncomfortable you can leave early.

 

But showing up ready to handle what's coming at you is a baby step.

  • Author
Posted
Can you go and bring a good friend to act as a companion and date?

 

This will ease the tension.

 

I thought of that....but there is nobody like that.

All my friends are his friends too.

Posted

Showing up will show your best friend how much of a friend you are. Im sure your friend knows how hard it is for you already. You dont have to stay long but I think you should go. Heck, you may even be ok with it which will help in the recovery. Hope all goes well.

Posted
hi everyone

im in a bit of a fix.

I broke up with my ex 3 months ago and i have maintained absolutely strict NC since.

We were together all through college(4 years) and broke up when he left me for another girl. Luckily this was at the very end of college so i havent had to attend classes with him.

I have made sure that i dont run into him these three months and it has really helped me to slowly detach myself.

But our friends circle is absolutely the same and i did have great difficulty in avoiding him. I managed by excusing myself from get togethers where he was sure to come.but mostly i did not miss much because he's rarely invited by anyone.

But now there is a problem, my best friends birthday party is this saturday and he is goin to be there maybe with his new girlfriend!

i dont want to sound juvenile but im absolutely not ready to be around him,specially see both of them together. I have made great progress in getting over him, but it still doesnt change the fact that he was my first love and the breakup left me completely shattered.

One thing i know for sure....i dont want to get back with him.Infact i dont even want to see or talk to him again.

And this is goin to be a very small cozy party,sort of a bonfire and barbeque.How the hell am i going to keep my poise in such a situation.

I wish it had been a huge party where i could have avoided him.

what do i do....im so worried.I dont want him to see that he still effects me :(

 

Well... I would say if you are that uncomfortable about this party then simply don't go.. If your Best Friend is truely that of a Best friend then she should not give you a hard time about skipping out on the party.

 

AP:)

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