I need urgent with this man I like so much.

January 31, 2008

Hello all,

I am a newbie on here. I have been lurking for a while and reading the posts on here but never had the courage to post. After a bit of a confusing time with this man I like I thought i needed to ask for help.

There is a man I have known for a couple of years....Now when I say know, I dont know him on a personal level, he owns a business I shop at not so frequently.

It has always been a friendly "hello how are you?" conversation and that is that.

I have got the biggets crush on him ever and it has only ever grown stronger. I didnt want to ask him out so i thought if i tell him i like him then he can be assured if he asked me out that he wouldnt be rejected.

Here's what happened....

I went in there last week and he was complaining about his weight and how he needs to lose some and i said to him "you are perfect as you are" and he looked down with a huge smile on his face and said "thanks" but he looked shy/embarrassed.

I sent an email to him the day before i was going in the next time to see if he would be open (i knew he would) but just wanted to make conversation. I said i was working late (which was true) and i couldnt wait to get home and relax and have a drink.

He responded with telling me his business was open and to have a drink on him.

I go in there with a friend who actually knows his family....well her parents know his parents and he knows of her as well. Both families come from the same European country.

So my friend came with me and taught me to say "I like you very much" in his language and i walked in there and told him that and he had a grin on his face and was blushing and i said to him "you're blushing" and he said "i'm blushing i'm blushing" lol

Then he said to me "is that true?" for what i had said about liking him and i said "very much so" and then he turned to my friend and was asking her "is that true? does she like me? does she tell you?" and my friend confirmed...Then he asked if i had that beer on him and i said i did and he said he had some to....

I said i would've prefered his company and i said "maybe you could join me next time" and i was actually so nervous i dont remember the response but i think he said "maybe"

Anyway i let it go for a few days and after the weekend send him an email saying "how was your weekend?" and i get no reponse. I went to the shop to get something and he was really cold towards me, not talking or saying much. He asked how i was and that was that....no mention of the other day me telling him i like him or anything.

Then i said dont you check your email? and he said "yeah why did u send something? and i said "yes" and he said nothing came through. And i left it at that and he never responded.

Now i am not sure what to do. For a while i thought he was interested and now i think he isnt. The signs are to mixed and i dont want to give up on him just yet. I like him a lot.

Please let me know what you make of the events that have happened and please offer advice what i can do.

Thankyou

January 31, 2008

oops sorry the title is meant to read i need urgent HELP with this man i like so much.

January 31, 2008

I'm going to give this a play by play breakdown...

Hello all,
I went in there last week and he was complaining about his weight and how he needs to lose some and i said to him "you are perfect as you are" and he looked down with a huge smile on his face and said "thanks" but he looked shy/embarrassed.

That's nice, a compliment, letting him know you are interested.

He receives it well, but doesn't do much after that.

I sent an email to him the day before i was going in the next time to see if he would be open (i knew he would) but just wanted to make conversation. I said i was working late (which was true) and i couldnt wait to get home and relax and have a drink.

He responded with telling me his business was open and to have a drink on him.

You contacted him to leave the door open to a future date, by insinuating a drink alone, he does not take the bait. He side steps it with "have a drink on me"-classic avoidance line.

Reliance-did he give you his email? I'm just wondering, because it has a different flavor if he did, vs being searched out.

I go in there with a friend who actually knows his family....well her parents know his parents and he knows of her as well. Both families come from the same European country.
So my friend came with me and taught me to say "I like you very much" in his language and i walked in there and told him that and he had a grin on his face and was blushing and i said to him "you're blushing" and he said "i'm blushing i'm blushing" lol

While I'm sure he was very complimented, you are pursuing him now. And he hasn't given you any indication of returning the interest, saying "I like you very much" is sweet, but never, never say this to a guy if he hasn't returned your affections equally by this point.

Again, he sidesteps by not returning the compliment, but just joking around by asking if you really do.

Then he said to me "is that true?" for what i had said about liking him and i said "very much so" and then he turned to my friend and was asking her "is that true? does she like me? does she tell you?" and my friend confirmed...Then he asked if i had that beer on him and i said i did and he said he had some to....

I said i would've prefered his company and i said "maybe you could join me next time" and i was actually so nervous i dont remember the response but i think he said "maybe"

I'm going to give it to you straight- ideally you should have cut your losses and let him come forward for the next move, thee is no point after this, he made it clear he is uncomfortable.

Anyway i let it go for a few days and after the weekend send him an email saying "how was your weekend?" and i get no reponse. I went to the shop to get something and he was really cold towards me, not talking or saying much. He asked how i was and that was that....no mention of the other day me telling him i like him or anything.

Then i said dont you check your email? and he said "yeah why did u send something? and i said "yes" and he said nothing came through. And i left it at that and he never responded.

Now i am not sure what to do. For a while i thought he was interested and now i think he isnt. The signs are to mixed and i dont want to give up on him just yet. I like him a lot.

Please let me know what you make of the events that have happened and please offer advice what i can do.

Thankyou

There are no mixed messages, you pursued him and he sidestepped and avoided you because he decided you were not right for eachother.

I would definitely advise you to not pursue the guy, but if you must, after dropping a few compliments, he should do the rest if he was interested.

I have to ask you though-what do you know about him to say "I like you very much?"

It has the makings of a bit of obsessiveness. Trust me-I know all about it, I would get obsessed over a crush from afar based on very little information and project what i thought they were like- so that is why I ask.

January 31, 2008

I was on the recieving end of this for the last 2 weeks (in his shoes) so let me be straight with you. If he didn't reciprocate or make the next move, he isn't interested. He doesn't want to be flat out dismissive because he owns the shop and it is his work place. Just let it go and move on. I'd give it a couple of weeks before going back there unless you want to see him getting colder towards you. (the guy that was in your shoes just kept coming back and I had to call him and tell him flat out that I wasn't interested- and he still came back- I now ignore him completely and have my coworkers deal with him) When you do go back pretend none of this ever happened and move on.

January 31, 2008

I have got the biggets crush on him ever and it has only ever grown stronger. I didnt want to ask him out so i thought if i tell him i like him then he can be assured if he asked me out that he wouldnt be rejected.

Exactly what May N said.

If a guy likes you, he will do anything in his power to have you.

You decided you liked him without any indication he liked you, so be more careful in these situations. It can quickly escalate into obsesssion because it is one sided. Do you see the difference?

You can't just like someone, then assure them they won't be rejected by you to make them like you back.

Something is off with your give/recieve signal.

If you decide to give/give/give it does not mean you will recieve/receive/receive back.

Try more like this:

give, wait for receive, give once more at most, no receive-walk away!

It doesn't mean that they don't get it. Believe me, after an email, a compliment, an invitation-they get it!

They just aren't returning the signal purposely. The problem here is it can turn into a constant loop of :

give/give/give/...frustration...rejection....try harder....give/give...which you are already in.

don't do that, okay? Step back, like MayN said, stay away for awhile, act like it never happpened. Don't ever bring it up with him, move on because you deserve someone who likes you back.

Edited January 31, 2008 by Florida

February 1, 2008

Thanks for your comments...

I guess I pushed a bit to much with him. I think in my mind i saw it as not going to far as i didnt directly ask him out. I just kept dropping hints.

I wanted to ask him outright to have a drink but i am a bit fearful of the reply.

Maybe I should just back off. So next time i go in there do i be friendly and say hello how are you etc? like i normally do or do i give the cold shoulder back?

February 1, 2008

I think the reason I was confused is because he keeps talking to me. Even asking me if i had that beer on him etc? That's what made me think he may have an interest. I just thought if you weren't interested you wouldn't be saying much to that person at all.

I guess i took it all the wrong way and got it mixed up.

February 1, 2008

Maybe I should just back off.

Take the maybe out and you have your answer. If you want to see how it can be viewed from the other side check out my post "Going on a date and don't feel like it'. Good luck in the future. I'm sure you'll find someone who will reciprocate

February 2, 2008

I am feeling really confused about the whole thing.

After reading all the posts you have me all convinced the better thing to do would be to move on, however if he ever approached me and asked me out, the answer would definately be yes lol

But last night i caught up with a friend of mine (the one that has been to see him with me) and she thinks i am crazy if i gave up on him. I told her i thought he wasnt interested and maybe i was wasting my time with him and she still thinks i should go for it....

February 2, 2008

I am feeling really confused about the whole thing.
After reading all the posts you have me all convinced the better thing to do would be to move on, however if he ever approached me and asked me out, the answer would definately be yes lol

But last night i caught up with a friend of mine (the one that has been to see him with me) and she thinks i am crazy if i gave up on him. I told her i thought he wasnt interested and maybe i was wasting my time with him and she still thinks i should go for it....

Go for what, exactly?

I dont know him on a personal level, he owns a business I shop at not so frequently.

You went for it and nothing happened:

You complimented him, no dice:

i said to him "you are perfect as you are"

Then you emailed him and he avoided going on a date:

I sent an email to him the day before i was going in the next time to see if he would be open (i knew he would) but just wanted to make conversation. I said i was working late (which was true) and i couldnt wait to get home and relax and have a drink.
He responded with telling me his business was open and to have a drink on him.

Then you came on to him, he brushed it off :

So my friend came with me and taught me to say "I like you very much" in his language and i walked in there and told him that and he had a grin on his face and was blushing and i said to him "you're blushing" and he said "i'm blushing i'm blushing" lol

Then he said to me "is that true?" for what i had said about liking him and i said "very much so" and then he turned to my friend and was asking her "is that true? does she like me? does she tell you?" and my friend confirmed...Then he asked if i had that beer on him and i said i did and he said he had some to....

then you asked him out AGAIN , he declined your invite politely:

I said i would've prefered his company and i said "maybe you could join me next time" and i was actually so nervous i dont remember the response but i think he said "maybe"

then you email him AGAIN:

Anyway i let it go for a few days and after the weekend send him an email saying "how was your weekend?" and i get no reponse. I went to the shop to get something and he was really cold towards me, not talking or saying much. He asked how i was and that was that....no mention of the other day me telling him i like him or anything.

then he lied that he didn't get your email to avoid having to outright reject you:

Then i said dont you check your email? and he said "yeah why did u send something? and i said "yes" and he said nothing came through. And i left it at that and he never responded.

Reliance- this friend who tells you to "go for it" -is she the same one who told you to say "I like you very much" in his native language?

Either she doesn't know enough, and it isnt her butt on the line, or she is having fun at your expense.

What more can you go for? I don't get it!!! Can you explain what you think you should do that you haven't done already?

Edited February 2, 2008 by Florida

February 2, 2008

Hi Florida.

This is the same friend who told me how to say i like him in his native language.

She is a close friend of mine so i dont want to get nasty at her or anything for pushing me. But she keeps bringing him up as well. Last night before she came over she saw him driving past her street and she comes in and says to me "i just your "boyfriend" drive past.

February 2, 2008

Hi Florida.
This is the same friend who told me how to say i like him in his native language.

She is a close friend of mine so i dont want to get nasty at her or anything for pushing me. But she keeps bringing him up as well. Last night before she came over she saw him driving past her street and she comes in and says to me "i just your "boyfriend" drive past.

I just don't understand why she is encouraging you.

Now-I don't know anything about her, so no need to be mad at her either.

But don't let her push you into doing or saying things that aren't your thoughts or words, okay?

February 2, 2008

Thanks Florida. I actually asked her last night outright why she kept pushing me and why she thought i should keep chasing him....And her answer was that he is a very shy man.

Now i can understand the whole shy thing, one of my ex's was shy but when he knew i liked him he had the balls to ask me out.

I am confused because i want someone to like me for me and i dont want to have to keep chasing them. But then there's something in the back of my mind that keeps nagging me when my friend keeps telling me he is only doing this because he is shy. Her opinon on it is if he didnt like me at all he wouldnt make conversation with me at all.

My friend thinks the only way to know for sure is to ask him outright that way she says he can either accept or reject and then you will know for certain.

February 2, 2008

Also doesn't help when she CONSTANTLY and i mean CONSTANTLY brings him up. I cant get a minute without hearing his name.

She sees someone on the street or on tv that looks like him she mentions it. We hear a "love" song on the radio she sings along to it and puts his name all over it. She takes me past where his parents live, she drives me past his work and beeps. Its all so full on. Its hard not to think of him when i feel i am being bombarded by her mentioning him.

I cant say i dont like it, i like hearing his name and have her refer to him as my boyfriend but the truth is he isnt my man and hasnt made an effort at all.

I hope i am making some sort of sense...

February 2, 2008

Well if you ask him out and he says no, prepare to stop shopping there for a long time. I'm not trying to sound cruel, but he obviously isn't interested.

February 2, 2008

Well if you ask him out and he says no, prepare to stop shopping there for a long time. I'm not trying to sound cruel, but he obviously isn't interested.

That's the problem. He owns a "specialized" sort of store where i get supplies for my business and there's no one else within my area who can cater for me. So if i cant go in there anymore i am going to be stuffed.

February 2, 2008

Many things could explain why he isn't reciprocating the feelings. For some reason I get the impression he is already seeing someone else. Or maybe he's decided to take time off dating. The thing is, it probably has very little to do with you and that's why you are getting mixed signals.

The only thing to do is accept it didn't work out and move on. Next time you see him, be yourself. Just forget about anything else happening with him.

You might also want to tell your friend you are moving on. Start brainstorming about your next crush.

February 2, 2008

Many things could explain why he isn't reciprocating the feelings. For some reason I get the impression he is already seeing someone else. Or maybe he's decided to take time off dating. The thing is, it probably has very little to do with you and that's why you are getting mixed signals.

The only thing to do is accept it didn't work out and move on. Next time you see him, be yourself. Just forget about anything else happening with him.

You might also want to tell your friend you are moving on. Start brainstorming about your next crush.

Thanks Kamille. I am certain he isnt seeing anyone. Have asked in general conversation and he said he was single. Funny thing was he asked if i was as well....weird.

You made me feel a lot better with your comments, knowing that it has nothing to do with me makes me feel so much better about myself.

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