konfuzd Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 So, this guy I've been seeing (long distance) sent me a very distasteful e-mail recently. I know it was his attempt at being funny, but I found it offensive and crude. He has had a goatee for the last 6 years, and decided to shave it off, so I asked him to send me a photo, as I'd never seen him without it. So, when I get this photo, he has dropped his pants (can't see anything as it's all tucked away) but, in any case, I find it pretty inappropriate. In addition to that, the message was not only sent to me, but to his ex gf, some other girl, and 2 of his best male friends. I replied to the message telling him I thought that crossed a line, I thought it was in poor taste and was not happy about it. I haven't heard back from him, but not sure how to proceed from here. Obviously it shows a lack of maturity. Does this sound like a deal breaker, or just a bad judgement call? Other things between us are great. We have an awesome time together, have a lot in common, and he's already made plans to move down this summer. I'm not really sure if this is a red flag, or something I can deal with? Any thoughts?
Florida Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 So, when I get this photo, he has dropped his pants (can't see anything as it's all tucked away) but, in any case, I find it pretty inappropriate. In addition to that, the message was not only sent to me, but to his ex gf, some other girl, and 2 of his best male friends. So it's basically his ding ding tucked tight in a pic? Bad taste is virtually unforgiveable, letting everyone know he has bad taste:even worse. I'd have more of an issue he sent that to his ex GF. WTF??
Author konfuzd Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 :sick:Yup, that's exactly what it was, legs sqeezed tight, hiding his package.... It's absolutely awful. It was definately a bad judgement call, and not appropriate on any level, I thought sending it to me was bad enough, but when I saw the ex's name on the send list, my heart just stopped for a moment. I know they are trying to maintain a friendship, and I never questioned that as long as he never gave me reason to distrust him. I honestly don't know if it creeps me out more that he sent it to his ex, or to his guy friends, that's just creepy.
amaysngrace Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 That reminds me of Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs.
Florida Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 :sick:Yup, that's exactly what it was, legs sqeezed tight, hiding his package.... It's absolutely awful. It was definately a bad judgement call, and not appropriate on any level, I thought sending it to me was bad enough, but when I saw the ex's name on the send list, my heart just stopped for a moment. I know they are trying to maintain a friendship, and I never questioned that as long as he never gave me reason to distrust him. I honestly don't know if it creeps me out more that he sent it to his ex, or to his guy friends, that's just creepy. :laugh: I don't know, I have all these "rules" about what is and isn't okay, but this one I can't really imagine. I would want to find out more what his relationship was/is precisely with his ex and the other girl in the email, plus the 2 guys. He may be freaky, do you know him really well? As in-can you be assured he doesn't have some related skeletons? I don't know, I empathasize with you, it would leave a bad feeling in me for sure too. I don't know what I would do. How long have you known him? If it is just a few weeks and it's long distance I may cut him loose. If more investment was made, you know him well, or if it is longer than some weeks- some more investigating about who he is would be in order.
oppath Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Emails are often difficult to interpret anyways. It's possible he had a previous joke with those other people and was including you. Sounds weird. I've sent some weird emails but I wouldn't send a photo like that.
Author konfuzd Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 He may be freaky, do you know him really well? As in-can you be assured he doesn't have some related skeletons? I don't know, I empathasize with you, it would leave a bad feeling in me for sure too. I don't know what I would do. How long have you known him? I met him about 6-7 months ago, because of the LD thing, we don't know eachother super well, but I think fairly well. One of the guys he sent the e-mail to is a good friend of mine, I'm pretty sure there is no secret gay thing going on. Not sure why he sent it to them. As far as his ex, what I know is that they were together for 3 years, he wanted to marry her, but she had never been with anyone else, so wanted to date other people. He was heartbroken, but told me there's no chance of them getting back together. I was hesitant until he told me he was moving to my city, so I'm pretty confident he was being truthful.
Author konfuzd Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 That reminds me of Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. Oh dear, maybe I should check his closet for women's clothing... or on the bright side, maybe he'd have some cute shoes I could borrow!
CD111 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I think he was just trying to be funny. Personally I would not be offended at all and just laugh my ass off. If I was offended, I wouldn't make a big deal about it, because it's just not worth it. So what that he sent it to his ex, there is probably a reason she is his ex. Especially since he sent it to you too. It's not like the pic was from a photo spread for Playgirl. Now, if he sent the pic to 100 of his closest friends I would be a bit concerned about the whole deal. In all reality the pic and situation could have been way worse.
Author konfuzd Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Emails are often difficult to interpret anyways. It's possible he had a previous joke with those other people and was including you. Sounds weird. I've sent some weird emails but I wouldn't send a photo like that. So... deal breaker, or not?
Star Gazer Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Okay, well I think it's kinda funny, but at the same time I can see how you'd be disturbed having received that from your BF, who also sent it to his ex. So... deal breaker, or not? I'm gonna say not, but to keep a keen eye out for any other behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
CD111 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Who knows maybe he is into being an exhibitionist? Yes, it was a bit awkward but guys do crude things like that sometimes and it's unfair to them, especially if he didn't have any bad intentions, if you get all worked up and in his face about how unacceptable it was.
amaysngrace Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Who knows maybe he is into being an exhibitionist? Maybe but then he should put it on exhibit and not tuck it in.
Tony T Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Since this is a long distance thing and you're MUCH better off seeing someone in your proximity, I'd say simply drop him. Of course I would forgive his indiscretion but I would not forgive his failure to apologize to you once you let him know you considered the picture inappropriate. He sounds quite immature and very confused. Good luck on finding a honey you can be with in your own town who has a little sense to him.
oppath Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 It's not a deal breaker, but it may be an incompatibility in your senses of humor and tastes.
Star Gazer Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 but I would not forgive his failure to apologize to you once you let him know you considered the picture inappropriate. I forgot about that part. Yeah, that might nail the coffin shut for me.
reliance Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I had something similar happen to me only thing i was in a relationship with someone at the time and he knew it and he said to me he wanted to send me a pic. When i opened my email there it was him exposed bare......i thought it was disgusting and emailed him back to tell him so and he was unhappy with me thinking it was not good. We stopped talking for a while, we're back friends again but he knows he crossed the line big time. In your situation. I wouldnt be so concerned but it would worry me that he sent it to his ex. I would actually question him.
Citizen Erased Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 What a nasty thing for him to send you. I have seen a guy do that before...he was very incredibly drunk. He also turned around and bent over with his little fella still between his legs. I can have a few laughs at that because I know the guy, I am comfortable with him, and I have no intention of every sleeping with him. But if any guy I was interested in sent that to me, he wouldn't even get a second thought from me. It shows he has a 6 year old boy mentality, do you really want be the mother to a potential boyfriend? I think not.
Author konfuzd Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Well, he didn't apologise per-se. He made another joke about it, then asked if I'd let him take me out on Valentine's day. He's going to fly down here just for a few days. I wasn't supposed to see him until March.
Florida Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) Well, he didn't apologise per-se. He made another joke about it, then asked if I'd let him take me out on Valentine's day. He's going to fly down here just for a few days. I wasn't supposed to see him until March. I would just caution you to do a lot of verbal investigating. For example, I would want to know if this was a normal group occurence. And why DID he think it was accetable to email his ex this exactly?? Will he now receive pics of his ex GF's butt exposed with a smiley face drawn on? Does the other female friend reciprocate by squeezing her boobs together and drawing 2 eyes on them?? Then mails the friends circle this smut? Do they all exchange obscene body part "joke" pics? Edited January 31, 2008 by Florida
Jilly Bean Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 That reminds me of Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. I was SO thinking the same thing! Ha ha! "Do you want to f**k me? I'd f**k me!" OP - I think it was terribly immature. If he is under 25, then I would chalk it up to his age. If he is 25-30, I'd be a bit concerned, and proceed cautiously. If he's 30+ - RUN. Sidebar - I had a two night stand with a guy last year. He did some odd things, so I dropped him entirely. About 6 months later, he sent me an email pic of his business. I was like, WTF? I wrote back that it must have been meant for someone else. And he replied, "No, it was for you. I thought it was funny!". Um, no... (he was 38).
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I find it pretty inappropriate. In addition to that, the message was not only sent to me, but to his ex gf, some other girl, and 2 of his best male friends. Dump and flush this guy.... He sent it also to his EXGF and another girl.. WTF ?.. that alone is grounds for a breakup.. I do think he was trying to be funny..but he sent it to his ex and another girl and his friends also.. You could give him another chance.. but you need to explore the EXGF thing and the other girl thing further...
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 That's funny. I can picture one of my exes doing this, but he really had unresolved issues with his ex, who dumped him because she wanted to experience being with other guys. In your shoes, I would ask him why the other people were included in the email. Maybe it's just because everyone asked to see a picture of him without a goatee. My ex has this on-going body hair humor and I was included in some of the emails. I was never included in anything that involved his nether area however. (Never had to reply, as he was an ex). I remember always wondering if he was including me to make the ex jealous and let her know he was getting over her. I thought they used group emails as a way for the two of them to stay in each other's business. I judged it to be messed up and was glad to no longer be involved.
Nevermind Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I wouldn't say it is unforgiveable...but a clear sign that you have different ideas about some things. As Bridget Jones put it: there are so many dating disasters that could have been avoided by closer attention to details.
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Sounds like something my friends would do....back when they were 21, and under the influence of a lot of SoCo. Come to think of it, my ex used to do that little move when we were together. He thought it was hilarious. I thought it was creepy. Needless to say he turned out to be quite an interesting fellow (who i swear, bitterness aside might be gay, from the pictures he posts of himself). Anyhow, all that to say BE CAREFUL A mature, self respecting guy wouldnt take a picture like that AND SEND IT TO A COUPLE OF PEOPLE just because.... Im just saying I dont think its a deal breaker really....but i do think, given how offended you are, that ur maturity level and sense of humor are way off from his.
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