Elilmomma Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) My hubby recently had an affair with I thought a co-worker , but now he says that it was a customer who used to come to his job while he was working. He says he ended it with her but how do I know for sure that she does not go to his job still? I am going crazy at night cause he works nights wondering if she is till trying to see him. he does call me during his breaks from work, but how do I know she 's not sitting next to him? Because of this I am afraid to leave my house I fell like if I do my whole world is gonna end. He says he was only with her one night and that they only kissed, and now on his days off he spends with me. I can't stop thinking about this, I am sad every day unable to concetrate on anything else, maybe even a little obsessed . A part of me don't believe that it's still going on, but I don't know that for sure. I did try to talk to the ow she would not talk to me. He says she wanted to buy him alot of stuff and he never fills up his gas tank and now his tank is full this bothers me cause he told me the night he was with her that she paid to fill it up and he was working last night... I really hate that I have to question everything he does but he left me no other choice... We have been together for almost 11 years and have 2 beautiful daughters, yes in the past we have both cheated but I knew when it was over, and we got past all that. I don't know if we are gonna make it this time? I need some advice? Edited January 31, 2008 by Elilmomma
Confused9 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 you need to talk to him. You need to tell him how hard it is for you to trust him and he needs to work wiht you to rebuild that. He cheated, he needs to work at fixing everything. He needs to be in full no contact with OW(s?). He needs to be honest and explain to you why, how, when he cheated. I think you both should do marriage counseling and you should do individual to work through this trama. It turns your whole world upside down. Take care of yourself but talk to your husband. If he isn't willing to work at it or listen or talk -- then he isn't putting your marriage first still. Are you willing to stay with a man like that? (I am posing the question for you...not at you...you need to ask yourself.)
Owl Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 This is why NC and marital recovery pretty much always requires a job change when the affair is workplace related. You can't recover while he's still working there. There is no way for him to "prove" to you that he's not still in the affair...therefore, there's no way for him to rebuild your trust in him, assuming the affair has truly ended. You need to set a clear boundary...he needs to change jobs.
BetrayedMM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 The hurting will stop when you find inner peace. You can do this with him or without him. If it is to be with him, his job is to help you find that peace, since he took it away. He must be 100% committed to trying to undo the damage, even knowing that is impossible.
Author Elilmomma Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 The hurting will stop when you find inner peace. You can do this with him or without him. If it is to be with him, his job is to help you find that peace, since he took it away. He must be 100% committed to trying to undo the damage, even knowing that is impossible. I think you are right, it's just extremely hard right now and he's not really making it any easier for me.. He's not going out or anything it's just like it happened it's over I chose you that's it... but it's still on my mind everyday and night. He does spend more time with me than he did before and no phone calls from her but it just happend a couple of weeks ago so it'll take some time to rebuild my-self.. Thank you for your advice I really appreciate all the help I can get, I have no-one to talk to about this so thanx..
Author Elilmomma Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 Sometimes I fell like my hubby doesn't want me to have peice, a part of thinks he likes me being an emotional wreck. His actions show me that he does care but his words can be really harsh sometimes. I am getting so depressed to the point where I am smoking a pack a day and I don't even want to leave my house because I feel like if I do something else is gonna happen meanwhile he did it right under my nose.. I have been doing alot of soul searching and I really want my marriage to work out, but sometimes I feel like I am fighting to save our marriage alone. Yes he is with me more now than before but the pain and hurtful words he said to me while he was having his affair are still ringing in my ear. How do I get it out of my head? I want a stronger better woman to come from all this pain, but how?
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