Mr Zandos Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I was dumpped by my ex girlfriend over a week ago, I really want her back, I was told by a friend to try and make her jealous, easy enough to do but without her seeing me or talking to me how do I do this? Well, I got a friend (female/attractive) to message my my space and 12 hours after she did send me a message my ex got in touch to see how I was, we sent about 15 txts, it is still over but I know that 99% of the reasons she gave for ending it were false, it all came down to trust, I know I have a long way to go to get the trust back (I never hit her/cheeted or abused her), I just got paranoid and spoke to people about us, she did not like this and I lost her trust, I don't blame her at all, this is all my fault, but do you think the jealousy thing can work to get her back?
norajane Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 It wouldn't get me back. If you were dating someone so quickly after breaking up, it would only confirm that I made the right decision in breaking up with you...clearly, you weren't so into me if you were seeing someone else inside a week! Have you tried being honest and explaining to her why you spoke to someone else about your relationship? Women do that all the time, so she might be a little bit hypocritical about that. What did you SAY to whoever it was?
Author Mr Zandos Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 The message sent was from a female friend who is gay, my ex knows I am friends with her and we have a past (being friends when I lived in the same city and also that this friend is also gay) All the message was that she was sorry to hear my heart had been broken and I should go and see her for a night out, it wasnt a come and sleep with me message at all. I used to talk to her mum and sister on msn about us (we were friends before I started dating her), she had post natal depression and before she moved into her house her mum asked me to let her know when she was feeling down, but when she was down I got paranoid thinking it was me that had done something to upset her, so I used to get paranoid about us. She does know why I did talk but she has lost trust.
norajane Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 The message sent was from a female friend who is gay, my ex knows I am friends with her and we have a past (being friends when I lived in the same city and also that this friend is also gay) All the message was that she was sorry to hear my heart had been broken and I should go and see her for a night out, it wasnt a come and sleep with me message at all. Well, then, it wasn't jealousy that got your ex to contact you, IF she read that message. It may have been pity, over the brokenhearted thing. Or she may still want to talk with you to see if she can get over the trust issue. But if she knew your friend is gay, it wasn't jealousy. I used to talk to her mum and sister on msn about us (we were friends before I started dating her), she had post natal depression and before she moved into her house her mum asked me to let her know when she was feeling down, but when she was down I got paranoid thinking it was me that had done something to upset her, so I used to get paranoid about us. She does know why I did talk but she has lost trust. Then I would suggest letting it lie, and not doing something to provoke jealousy. A trust issue does not improve if you add jealousy to the mix.
Author Mr Zandos Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Your right, im going to stay out of contact for a month, I will send her flowers on monday as a friend as she has to go to hospital for a small operation
SeraBella Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 If jealousy would bring her back, it would be for the wrong reasons and the relationship wouldn't be one based on the right things. It would eventually end. You want her to reconcile with you because she realizes she loves you and still wants to be with you. The flowers are thoughtful, and I am sure she will appreciate them. But don't smother her, and don't expect that they will bring her back.
D-Lish Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I posted on this but it didn't go through the first time. This girl broke up with you. You have every right to move on and flirt with others. If you wanted your jealousy scheme to work.... the best way to go about it was to NOT answer her texts when she contacted you after seeing the sexy messages sent by your friend. You negated the whole effect of the attention from the other girl when you exchanged texts with her afterward. So, your friend posted- your ex probably got a bit concerned and reached out to you. All you did by answering her was to confirm that you still like her- that she still has a hold on you. I am not an advocate for playing games.... but if you want to do this the right way, continue getting sexy messages and be in no contact mode with your ex. She won't get jealous if she knows she still has a hold on you. You give up all your cards when you remain happily connected to her when she reaches out to you. Hey- you want to play a game? Then do it right. Have your friend send the messages- then ignore the ex for a while and see what stirs up. If you had broken up with her- I wouldn't advocate this... but she broke up with you and you are asking a specific question about how this works.... so I am giving you an answer. I know I will get flack. Oh well- the poster asked.
Author Mr Zandos Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 Thanks above for that, I had to reply to her text as I had given her my old television and she wanted to know if I wanted it back, also last year I bought her a new bed and washing machine and she wanted to pay me back for that, that is the only reason I answered her, I do miss her like crazy, I will send her a letter hand written (I dont think email is romantic) once we have reached the one month mark and see where/if we can go on, I miss her like crazy, we didnt have a nasty split up, I just want her back in my life and explain how/why I was and to let her know I have changed, to be honest I miss her friendship and I do want that back no matter how long it takes.
reliance Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Any relationship that is going to last needs a healthy foundation to be built on and i dont think starting a relationship on jealousy is healthy. If you want her back talk to her, tell her how you're feeling. I think getting someone else to contact you on my space etc is a little immature for me and if my ex did that to me and even if i was interested in having me back that would be enough to call it quits forever. Just my thoughts....
Lonestar Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 I once had an ex come back to me out of jealousy. It didn't work. They have to come back because they way YOU. Not because they don't want anyone else to be with you. Get it?
reliance Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 I once had an ex come back to me out of jealousy. It didn't work. They have to come back because they way YOU. Not because they don't want anyone else to be with you. Get it? So very well said. I totally agree with you. It may work in the short term but forget it lasting the long haul...
Phateless Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 D-Lish is dead on. It's even better if you are ACTUALLY meeting new girls because you might find one that you like more than your ex, which bypasses the whole problem in the first place.
wizer Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 So young and inexperienced you are. "Making her jealous to get her back". Think about it. Why the heck would that work? Give one good reason that would stand the test of time. Right. That's what I thought.
oppath Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 This is very unhealthy for you, too. There's nothing wrong with trying to make an ex who dumped you a little bit jealous, but the reason should be to make her cringe, not to get her back. Make her jealous by showing her "this ship has sailed and isn't going to visit your port anymore." Do it for you, not to get her back. If you break up with me and it wasn't mutual, and you didn't tell me your concerns and include me in a discussion first, you will have to swim the English Channel to get me back. I will try to make you jealous by moving on with my life. I will want you to realize what you are missing. And I hope you are attacked by sharks (bad dates, the grass not being greener) on that swim and are torn from limb to limb, me being the one you let get away.
wizer Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 This is very unhealthy for you, too. There's nothing wrong with trying to make an ex who dumped you a little bit jealous, but the reason should be to make her cringe, not to get her back. There's nothing constructive about doing anything for the purpose of getting a reaction out of the ex. It's time and effort better spent doing something for yourself, like healing, like meeting someone new.
blackrippericedearth Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 i know it makes sence that ppl say that to make someone jelouse is for the wrong reasons but im my case i have been with a girl and were comeing up tp 3 years in aprill. i met her online when i was a sophmore in high school i liked her alot and then loved her i keept incontact with her for 8 months then i went to see her for chrismas we had this hudge conection it was great so much love and atraction between us then when i left i promiced to return in the summer but things failed on me. i know i was young and it is hard for me to leave my home and travel by my self to see a girl 2 states away but i wasnt able to do that untill then fallowing chrismas we broke up during the year that i didnt see her and it killed our relationship the second time i saw her it was hard for me to accept her and look at her knowing she lied to me and was with other guys (during the breakup) but i kept my mouth shut. when i left i promiced to return in the spring and i did i went to see her. once my graduation came around 3 months later she came to visit me and she was proud of me for acomplishing i big step in my life long story short she convinced me to start an new life in her state with her family to live under her roof untill i can get on my feet. i know things change and once your liveing with someone the first months were really hard for me. now that i got a car and a job she said to me that im not mature and that maybe we shouldnt be together she wants me to leave and go back home im going why? she said that if i stay she will feel bad to be with someone else knowing im here alone she wasnt an open relationship and wants to experiance life that shes not ready to comit to anything i cant just pick up and leave thats really messed up im ready to stop our relationship and i want to improve my body and mined i want girls to see me and go wow that guy is hot im the perfuct boyfriend i have never cheated on her or ever made her feel bad i dont like my girl being jelause of me but when it comes down to her she will make me feel that way when shes with her guy friends i havent even met them should i make her jeluse and go and hang out with girls ??? please help
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