Says he loves me but going to counceling with soon to be ex...

[heartonhold]

Sigh...I guess by the time I throw this out there, I will have answered my own questions...but here goes.

I got a phonecall several months ago from a man I was engaged to 20 years ago. We both had issues and a long distance situation back then, and we broke up. Then,BOTH of us got into a relationship with someone else and BOTH of us found out we were going to be parents (I got pregnant with my rebound, he with his) We married our rebound guy/girl for the sake of our future child. I tolerated my bad marriage for 14 months and got divorced. I've been in 4 long term relationships since then...never married again. He has lived unhappily with his marriage for 15 years. We both have a daughter. Three months ago whehn he called, he truly was making amends but we ended up falling in love again just through our conversations which became more frequent with time. He flew me to visit him for one turnaround afternoon(just talked and held hands..no kissing even) and it was like we'd never been apart...both feel we are soulmates. We have continued to talk daily and he is going through counseling to "earn his way out". I know he feels bad about his daughter whom he adores and keeps saying he wished she was older. He has apologized many times for "dragging" me into this, tells me he will marry me hopefully this year(wish he'd married me 20 years ago)... and we did meet up one more time recently and it was awesome and beautiful(this time did more than hold hands). He tells me today that his wife is progressing very well with counceling and is going to start working on her problem...she cannot be touched...at all. No hugs, kisses, handholding...needless to say anything else. He's lived with it for all these years and has learned to be in denial of his needs...as she has been in denial that there was anything missing in their marriage. With all this "counceling" going on...I sometimes feel they are working toward rekindling the marriage... but I truly know he loves me(and always has, as I have loved him too all these years apart).

I am starting to get afraid of a broken heart...I have had enough and I was aware of these consequences going into this...but I was so love blind and feel like he and I have the real deal. Since he has not contacted an attorney yet, and is considering moving back into their house "for his daughter" until they are finished with counseling(he's doing this so he can "earn his way out" and they can have an amicable divorce (is that possible?). Am I wrong in thinking he's keeping me as a backup? I've always thought men don't leave ANY relationship (good or bad) until they have something to fall back on. Is this true? What are your thoughts? Thanks very much for your insight.