Mz. Pixie Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 It takes years of mental and emotionial neglect combined sometimes with abuse ~ coupled with stress and being taken for granted. Its not always a case of what you did? But, a combination of what you did and didn't do? Such as stopping what you did to get her in the first place? Not helping around the house and with the children without being told ~ or even asked. Women and men not understanding that they truly are different. Not understanding that you can give a dozen roses once or twice a year and earn "one-point" or periodically and unexpectanly given one rose twelve and earn twelve "points" Not understanding that she's more than just a piece of meat ~ touching her, carressing her, cuddling with her, kissing her and it not be a prelude to sex everytime. All of this and much ~ much more? A while I'm not directing this at anyone in particular on this board nor thread, I just saying what it takes to keep a woman? Is what it took to get her to begin with. You've got to "date your mate" But even still it can get crazy, quick, fast and in a hurry like. Why? Because the times have changed, the laws have changed, society and culture has changed. We've got more machines to wash our clothes, cook our meals, clean our dishes. We've got more way of communicating ~ but one of the biggest problem in marriage and relationships is communication? Stress plays a hugh part in all of this and the way men and women handle and react to stress differently Outstanding book I'm currently reading: "When Mars and Vensus Collide ~ Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress" John Gray, Ph.D ISBN 978-0-06-124296-0 So to the OP? Don't be so hard on yourself! You didn't know all you needed to know going into it, and you won't know all that you need to know even if you live to be 100. All you can really do is pick yourself up, clean yourself off, learn and grow from the pain ~ and do the best you can to improve yourself. Try to set as a personal goal ~ the goal of reading at least one if not personal relationship book (I recommend two) a year. Enhance your personal skill set when it comes to inter-personal relationships. Gunny Wonderful post Gunny. I wish more men could read this!
br0ken_w0lf Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Wonderful post Gunny. I wish more men could read this! I second that! Should be quick but required reading at the altar with a slap upside the head so it sticks flavender: I don't have much advice to offer yet other than come here as often as you can (if I'd found this site earlier, I wouldn't be nearly as screwed up as I am now) and have faith that you will feel better. I can relate to the lack of attention thing as well but don't beat yourself up over it. Take care...
mental_traveller Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 (edited) Edit - posted on wrong thread, sorry. Edited February 4, 2008 by mental_traveller
Author flavender Posted February 4, 2008 Author Posted February 4, 2008 I second that! Should be quick but required reading at the altar with a slap upside the head so it sticks flavender: I don't have much advice to offer yet other than come here as often as you can (if I'd found this site earlier, I wouldn't be nearly as screwed up as I am now) and have faith that you will feel better. I can relate to the lack of attention thing as well but don't beat yourself up over it. Take care... Thank you for those uplifting words. I believe my first step to healing is for me to get out of the house. We really don't need to be under the same roof in my opinion as she will continue coming in late and doing whatever makes her happy. If I'm not there, I won't have to witness any of that behavior. Bless you!!!
Author flavender Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 What this all boils down to is my wife is lashing out at me for us not having our second child when my first born turned 3. As we have talked about divorce, she keeps saying that I knew that she wanted another baby. I never told her we could have a second child. I told her to wait for my first born to get a little older. That will give us time to get a little more financially stable. She suggested that I get a second job to make this happen when she wanted it to. I feel that was unfair to try and force me to get a second job if we needed more time.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 What this all boils down to is my wife is lashing out at me for us not having our second child when my first born turned 3. As we have talked about divorce, she keeps saying that I knew that she wanted another baby. I never told her we could have a second child. I told her to wait for my first born to get a little older. That will give us time to get a little more financially stable. She suggested that I get a second job to make this happen when she wanted it to. I feel that was unfair to try and force me to get a second job if we needed more time. Blameshifting and verbal abuse...? ...Something isnt right with this whole picture. Flav dig deeper because my guess is she's hiding something. There's too much guilt on her part and no one feels that guilty aunless they have commited a sin so aggregeous they cannot atone for it. Something's wrong.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Thank you for those uplifting words. I believe my first step to healing is for me to get out of the house. We really don't need to be under the same roof in my opinion as she will continue coming in late and doing whatever makes her happy. If I'm not there, I won't have to witness any of that behavior. Bless you!!! I forget, does she have a FIRST job? Or would she consider a SECOND job in order to have another child? Doesn't make sense to me. What good is a family with too many JOBS?
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