Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 before I could even say anything he saw me and threw the butt on the FLOOR AND STARTED STOMPING IT OUT! I said "OMG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? You could have burnt the house down!!":eek: JJ.. I don't mean to be abrupt but if my child had done that I would have a coming to Jesus talk with him. If I had done that to one of my parents and their house I would've had severe consequences of my actions.. and not just grounding.. I would have had to remove my Dad's foot outta my ass.. There seems to be a little more at work here than just a teen smoking.. he has absolutely no regard for you and your property. I think you should set him down with a therapist and find out what is behind this.. A teen might smoke out of rebellion.. but the disregard for your home and the disrespect he is starting to show you itsn't just a rebellion thing.
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I plan to quit. It's just hard. about 20 years ago there used to be this tv commercial on the air that basically said this : Parents who take drugs have children who take drugs.. While to me it isn't really a true fact of life it dies rings true in many cases.. and with smoking cigarettes it can also.. You need to quit if you are asking him to quit..
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 What is "dipping"? Skoal is one.. Chewing tobacco that goes between the cheek and gums..
sb129 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Skoal is one.. Chewing tobacco that goes between the cheek and gums.. Oh OK. Thats worse than smoking in some respects, as it contacts the oral tissues for longer. I have seen too many cases of oral cancer to endorse tobacco products, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is such a debilitating disease- you can lose parts of your tongue/ palate/ facial bones etc. Most people who I have seen with it started smoking when they were in their teens.
Author jj2007 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 JJ.. I don't mean to be abrupt but if my child had done that I would have a coming to Jesus talk with him. If I had done that to one of my parents and their house I would've had severe consequences of my actions.. and not just grounding.. I would have had to remove my Dad's foot outta my ass.. There seems to be a little more at work here than just a teen smoking.. he has absolutely no regard for you and your property. I think you should set him down with a therapist and find out what is behind this.. A teen might smoke out of rebellion.. but the disregard for your home and the disrespect he is starting to show you itsn't just a rebellion thing. I know and believe me he has other issues. He is already seeing a therapist for his anger problems. His mother has been in and out of prison all his life for various things-mostly crack. They have never even spent one Christmas with her because she was in jail.The oldest can tell you how to make a crack pipe. While she was out on parole she would have the boys pee in a cup for her so she could pass her drug tests. Her and her boyfriend would go out and the boyfriend would go into stores and steal things and she was the getaway driver and the boys were in the backseat.They have a sister that was born addicted to crack and she is now in a foster home. The SWAT team busted down her door when the boys were 7 and 8. If the officer that came in didn't know who the boys were and who their father was, they would have become wards of the state. Instead they were taken to their father who I was dating at the time. About a year later their father and I got married. As time went on I realized they do not have a great relationship with their father. He is very selfish and still needs to grow up. He is an alcoholic and recovering drug addict also. So I stepped up and became the stability they needed. Now I think I may be in way over my head. But I cannot turn my back on them. I love them so much.
Kamille Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 jj2007, I am guessing that his father and you smoke in the house, which makes his smoking inside unoticeable. The two of you should consider quitting. It would be the best way to drive the point home to your step son that you mean what you say when you say smoking is dangerous. And also, I think one of the things you are well positionned to address is addiction. Tell him how hard it is to quit, how much money your addiction costs, any consequences you have suffered because of your addiction to cigarette.
blind_otter Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I am so sorry to hear about your dad:( I plan to quit. It's just hard. Thanks. It was the hardest thing in the world to watch him die over the course of a year...they removed his left lung, but it didn't help...the cancer had spread to his bones. Believe me, it was hellish when I quit. I quit cold turkey. But it's the best thing to do, IMO. Nowadays they have Chantix and I've heard great things about it.
Author jj2007 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 jj2007, I am guessing that his father and you smoke in the house, which makes his smoking inside unoticeable. The two of you should consider quitting. It would be the best way to drive the point home to your step son that you mean what you say when you say smoking is dangerous. And also, I think one of the things you are well positionned to address is addiction. Tell him how hard it is to quit, how much money your addiction costs, any consequences you have suffered because of your addictions. I am considering it. I have told him all of that. Thanks!
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 So I stepped up and became the stability they needed. Now I think I may be in way over my head. But I cannot turn my back on them. I love them so much. What a tragic story JJ.. That poor boy... I'm glad he is seeing someone and you should be proud that you are his stability.. He at least has a shot at growing up with you in his life.. I myself have given stability to my then Step Daughter.. for 5 years I was there deflecting the drama and being her rock. Do you go to Alanon ?.. if you don't you might think about it.. it will help you understand your husband and his addiction better..
Author jj2007 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 What a tragic story JJ.. That poor boy... I'm glad he is seeing someone and you should be proud that you are his stability.. He at least has a shot at growing up with you in his life.. I myself have given stability to my then Step Daughter.. for 5 years I was there deflecting the drama and being her rock. Do you go to Alanon ?.. if you don't you might think about it.. it will help you understand your husband and his addiction better.. Yes I do go to Alanon and it has been my saving grace. I have been taking the boys to Alateen too as long as they want to go. Their mother is getting out of prison soon and I hope she has made the changes in her life so the boys can have at least one stable biological parent in their lives.
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Yes I do go to Alanon and it has been my saving grace. I have been taking the boys to Alateen too as long as they want to go. Their mother is getting out of prison soon and I hope she has made the changes in her life so the boys can have at least one stable biological parent in their lives. You are one together person JJ and my hat goes off to you... I hope things work out for your family..Keep going to those meetings.. they are there for you.. so you can take your life back from the Alcoholic..
Author jj2007 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 You are one together person JJ and my hat goes off to you... I hope things work out for your family..Keep going to those meetings.. they are there for you.. so you can take your life back from the Alcoholic.. Thankyou very much for your help and kind words:) One day at a time.........
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