jdeedee Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 To those of you keeping track, my ex and I are dating again as of yesterday. We hung out together for ~5 hours talking, and had a very good time. She wants things to move slowly, "We need to start new." I am fine with that but am worried that I might rush things. I hung out with her today and we kissed a few times. I went out of my way to go see her about 30 minutes ago, to take her out and get coffee before her night class. Everything seems to be going excellent, we have plans for Saturday. I'm just nervous. I really want things back to the way they were but at the same time I also know that the way things were involved lots of upset and fighting days. She is right, we need to move slowly, but I can't help but long for more. I am really scared that my desire to rush things might scare her away. She has given no signs of rejection towards me so far. She is obviously a little hesitant/less comfortable with me now than when we were together before but I know those things will change as she adjusts to this again. I guess I'm just nervous and worried she might change her mind. There is no real justification to these feelings, my mood fluctuates between utter joy and a little bit of being scared. I worry that texting her goodnight might be too clingy but at the same time I worry that not texting her will be a sign of rejection.
fray718 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 why did you two break up and who broke up with who? I'm going through the SAME exact thing right now (read my threads) and I tell you I feel the same exact way. I'm so scared that my former ex bf will change his mind and even though we have plans for the next 2 weeks I'm so scared he'd change his mind! He initiates them for the most part too but still!! I'm nervous as well. But thing is, all you can do is wait and see. Plus, if you were the one who dumped her, totally text her to make up for it. The reason why you two broke up plays a huge factor in how you proceed.
backspn Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Are we twins? My SO isnt my ex but we have recently slowed down and it feels different now but Im sure things will warm back up. We have been dating strong for 3 months until last week when she said she wanted to slow down. I know how you feel about the feelings of her changing her mind. I think its normal for us to feel. Im guessing that she broke it off with you the first time? The only thing we can do is be ourselves and know that we do the best we can. Certain times of the day I can feel happy and then I feel anxious about what if she doesnt want to continue. I fight those feelings hard and try to stay positive because women can sense that in us. My suggestion would be to continue to have fun with her, obviously she likes you enough to go out with you and be affectionate. Be yourself and be FUN. Dont get heavy with her even though you and I want to know what is going to happen in the future with our SO's. You can text her but not everyday. Give her room and let her know that you can have a life when she isnt with you.
Author jdeedee Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Very good suggestions guys, basically same things I think constantly, it's nice to hear others say. We had a mutual breakup, too much fighting etc. I had to initiate asking her back, apologise, etc, so I am a little scared she may change her mind. The worst is she has given no hints at all of wanting to change her mind. That is besides the fact that she is not fully comfortable yet. Which makes sense. I texted her last night a goodnight and she said she had a good day. I made efforts, major ones today and she appreciated but I don't plan on texting her goodnight tonight. She knows I really love her so I don't want to push push push. Tomorrow I will see her in the morning and she will wave, I don't have any plans with her tomorrow so I need to figure out how to possibly communicate. I'll probably text her in the evening if we don't run into each other. We have a date Saturday that isn't fully finalized so maybe I'll call Friday (same deal as tomorrow) or stop by her work and take her out for dinner. I am so nervous, there is no reason this won't work at all. I am so excited but scared.
backspn Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 So far from what you have said is that you are moving way too fast. Slow it down. She needs to miss you for her feelings to grow back. I would say 2x a week is good enough at the beginning. I dont see anything wrong with a goodnight text every night, I used to text my SO every morning saying Good morning and have a good day but that was before we slowed down. Now I only text her every other day. Its hard for me not to text more but I resist. I didnt listen to my friends when they said to take it slow with my SO when we first started dating cause it felt right at the time but if I did I wouldnt be in this situation. You cant rush love.
gfto Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 She has given no signs of rejection towards me so far. Yes, she has. She "wants things to move slowly." That means she isn't very interested in you. She will probably cancel the date on Saturday. That's why it isn't "finalized." She already knows she isn't going.
Author jdeedee Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 ...or you could not be so negative about the possibilities of different relationships working differently. I talked to her about my nerves and she was feeling the same way. Yknow, communication.
gfto Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) ...or you could not be so negative about the possibilities of different relationships working differently. I talked to her about my nerves and she was feeling the same way. Yknow, communication. Not negative; just realistic. How was your breakup "mutual"? Did one of you say to the other, "Let's break up," and the other said, "great idea! See ya later." I'm willing to bet it was actually her idea. (The woman usually leaves first.) Communication is great if you're communicating with someone who wants to be with you. Edited January 31, 2008 by gfto
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