pioneer Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I have been split with my ex for about 10 months, im 28 and she’s 19, and she has been seeing her new boyfriend for about 9 months, a week after she had been seeing him, she came to my house and we slept together, she ended up confessing about this and he still wanted to make a go of things, they have since moved in together. Me and her fell out and hadn’t spoken for a few months but we met up recently and decided to be friends and keep it quiet. The problem is that her boyfriend works away for a few days every now and then and she’s been coming to my house on these nights and stopping the night, over the last 3 or so weeks we have ended up shaving sex about 3 times, after witch she got upset and said she felt really guilty but keeps coming and stopping on the nights hes away. We don’t always have sex but I just find it very strange and cant understand why she is risking her relationship like this as she claims she loves him and I know that he hates me more than anyone in the world because of what happened before. I put up with it because I still have feelings for her and I really like her a lot. She rings me in the day getting me doing all sorts of favours for her, and if she has any problems she runs to me to sort them out, if she falls out with him she’s always on the phone telling me what hes done and said. He pays for the place they live in and she knows she’s got it good, her money is her own. I know I need to put a stop to it because its messing my head up, but every time I decide not to see her, I miss her like mad and cant get her out of my head. She says she has no feelings for me. I have no Idea what she is really thinking or what to do about the situation, everyone is telling me to get rid and not have anything to do with her, but I miss her to much if I do this, what do I do???
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Well.... enjoy the sex, but dont think of reconciliation... Shes keeping you on the backburner ever since she got with the other guy. You just have to understand that as reality and keep it carnal.... even if she thinks she has you, she doesnt....and keep going about your life having her on the backburner also, while you keep looking for other potential women.... It would seem reasonable to me..... Im probably gonna get crucified for this one!
PinkRibbon Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Ok It would seem she is a little young in maturity level and this seems to be playing a game at yours and the other mans expense. She must think she is just all that to be playing you both like this. I would put her behind me a find a more mature person.
Author pioneer Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Shes does think shes all that, but always shys she feels really guilty after and says she loves him and its not gonna happen again. But she always comes and stops at mine when hes working :S. Im screwed because i still have strong feelings for her, id love to just tell her to get loast and see the back of her but i can never bring myself to do it.
vivrantflo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 You have to do that man. She's 19.. that's really young.. in my opinion, too young to handle a mature relationship. She's using you, and you're allowing it. I understand you have strong feelings for her, but you have to put yourself first. Hanging out with her now, is not, and will not help your chances of getting her back. Because she is getting her needs met by both you and her man. There's no reason for her to go back to you, cause you're giving her the goods without the committment. Just tell her that you can not handle a friendship right now, and that it's best that you two don't talk. Since she's 19, she'll call you, come by, or messege you every now and then to make sure you're still there. But you need to be strong about this for yourself. It's better you detach yourself from her, and find a woman in the 25+ range.
Author pioneer Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Yeah, i really do understand this and iv been trying for months. The longest iv managed without calling her or anything is about 3 months. But yeah you are right, i just need to find the balls to do it. I wanna finish it like you say by tellin her that i dont want it, in the past iv always ended it by causing trouble with her fella because she seems to stay away for longer then, but we always seem to end up back in touch, i thik she just likes the danger of it. I always want to say no to the favors she asks me to do but deep down i feel if i do that then she wont see me no more, so i end up doing everything she asks.
vivrantflo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 This is because you're a nice guy! Right? And what happens to nice guys?? They get kicked in the gonads. PLUS, she's cheating on this guy with you, so she's showing even more traits that you don't want anything to do with!! What if she wanted you back next week.. you don't think she'll be hitting him behind your back?? She's got that needy complex which is selfish.. but then again it boils down to her age again. I know it's hard, but I speak from experience.. Im 28, and my ex was 20... same crap. If you STOPPED doing nice things for her, and stopped talking to her, you'll feel much better about yourself. I really do understand your thought of losing her if you stop doing things for her.. but in this situation, would that be so bad?? She needs to grow up man, and u don't want to be apart of that confusion.. I even feel sorry for the guy she's with now!
Author pioneer Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Yup, i kinda feel sorry for him to, although did warn him what she was like as soon as he got with her, because he knows she cheated on him with me the week after. The main problem i have is, i see her out every week when i go into town for a drink, shes always on the net posting on the same boards me. she even said her new fella has cried when they got home after seeing me, and iv spoken to him, iv told him to get rid and hes openly stood there and said he cant because her loves her, hes only 18 and working his nuts off to pay for a flat and stuff for them. I need to find a way of getting rid without seeing her again witch will be difficult. Im on a bit of a low at the moment anyway because im looking for work after been made redundant and starting to get low on money, witch isnt good when im still spending on her.
vivrantflo Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Why are you talking to her boyfriend???? why? Stop talking to both him and her. You don't want to know, or need to know what they are doing, and what they're going through. It's only gonna hurt you more. You need to stop communication with her. Stop going on the websites she is on. Tell her not to call you, or to visit you. She's not your woman anymore.. She even told you she doesnt have feelings for you... wtf???? Why are you spending money on her?????????? Ler her 18 boyfriend spend his money on her. Focus on YOU. She's focusing on herself by banging both you AND him. Stop man. You can totally do it.
Author pioneer Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Your dead right dude, same as everyones been tellin me, im gonna do it ASAP
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