kissingthecheek Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) I feel somewhat strange posting here, but I have to "get it out." My boyfriend and I have had a tumultuous 2 yr relationship. We were both newly divorced when we met and we both were dealing with our respective emo issues connected with divorce, children, etc. We have broken up and gotten back together numerous times over the last 2 years. At one point, we bought a house together and my son and I moved in (moved to a new city) only to be asked to leave 2 months later because our kids weren't "compatible." My issue is this, though. Last September I broke up with him because I didn't feel that the relationship was "going anywhere." I have never felt that he wanted a future with me but was just with me for the "convenience." Within 2 weeks he was seeing someone else he met on Match.com. I asked him to stop seeing her and we got back together. He wouldn't close the door with her immediately and wanted me to be okay with that. I wasn't and he broke up with me then because I was "cutting up." He began dating her in earnest then. For 3 months I was devastated. I think I had a nervous breakdown because it was so painful to think of him with someone else. He kept contact with me, so I knew when they were together and how it was progressing. He took her to Fla one weekend and I was absolutely beside myself (we went there when we first began dating). He, supposedly, broke up with her to be with me (although I really think she went back to her husband first) and we have been dating for 2 months now. Needless to say, I have had a VERY tough time dealing with all this emotionally. I have asked him specific questions regarding his relationship with her and he gives me specific answers. I asked him if he told her he loved her and he said yes. He also said that if he wasn't with me, he would still be with her. It is so hurtful for me to know that he told her he loved her. How do I cope with this? Edited January 30, 2008 by kissingthecheek
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Wow. You sacrificed a lot for this guy and he turns on you. How is your son doing in all of this? Did you move out or did you bf?
Star Gazer Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I asked him if he told her he loved her and he said yes. He also said that if he wasn't with me, he would still be with her. How do I cope with this? You find a man that only wants YOU, period. I guarantee you that there are men out there who would feel this way. You deserve to be first in his romantic life, not seconds.
Author kissingthecheek Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Wow. You sacrificed a lot for this guy and he turns on you. How is your son doing in all of this? Did you move out or did you bf? Yes, I did sacrifice a lot. All that happened a year ago, so my son is pretty much okay now. At the time, though, it was horrible for him. He had just moved and changed schools, then had to again after only 2 months. He still likes the bf and his children. He never knew that the bf had an issue with him (I felt like that was just an excuse anyway). I moved out because I could not afford the mortgage by myself. The whole experience was so hurtful and horrible. I think it was for the best now, though.
rita's world Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Have you read Divorce Busters or other books that talk about separation? I read that ending an affair is very difficult because it is like an addiction. Some books say that they must go cold turkey with zero contact. Other books say to let it die a natural death so there is no relapse. My husband's affair died a natural death. Most will fizzle between 3-24 months anyways. But there are thing the left behind spouse can do to not prolong the other affair. One was to Get A Life, Be Happy ( a happy spouse is almost impossible to leave) and this one is controversial-date others! Not for cheating or retribution, just to show that spouse that there is competition and to see the left behind person as desirable to others. It worked for him because you wanted him when someone wanted him. This is psychology I guess. I am so sorry about your sitch but read those books. They really helped me during my husband's 6 month affair.
Author kissingthecheek Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 How are you dealing with it now, though, knowing that he was intimate with another woman? They he may have told her he loved her?
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