guessjeans Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Alittle background, I left a 26 yr relationship because of his inability to love me the way I needed to be loved. I felt he just didnt love me anymore, and I grew more and more distant. We have been apart for 4 yrs now. After a yr of being apart, I wanted to try to see if we could patch things up because I felt we did really have a soulful connection. I did love him very much. He decided to move his elderly parents in with him, so I kept quiet about my feelings. I knew he would feel he would have to choose between them and me, and I didnt want that. Right or wrong decision on my part, I didnt feel we could make a new go of the relationship with the added stress of elderly parents in the household, along with our teenage son. I figured i would let life deal our faith, and once the parents passed on and he was alone again, I would tell him how I feel, if indeed time passes and I still feel the same way. Well, fast forward 4 yrs later, and I am still in love with him. He has just recently started a relationship with a secretary at his office who is 58 yrs old, ten yrs older than me (he is a youthful 51 yr old). I panicked when he told me about her and I told him how I felt back in October. He didnt seem to matter, he felt that I should have told him earlier, and he continued to see this woman. Fast forward to a week ago. Havent talked to him since October, I go over to see him and we talk alittle about our past issues. He told me that this relationship he is in as he said to me is " you know when you love someone just because you are with them?..thats the way it is between them he said..its nothing more than that. He said "its not like that between them". He said I still love you, after 26 yrs of course i would still love you, heck he said i still dream about you. I had a dream about you just a couple of days ago where we were just sitting and talking. He said I could see myself in a relationship with you, but I fear I cant trust you. I know he has huge insecurity issues and jealousy issues that was what broke us up originally. I told him i was still in love with him, and he said perhaps you are regretting leaving, that perhaps you made a mistake, then he said perhaps we both made a mistake. I asked him to look straight at me and tell me he wasnt in love with me anymore. He backed off and I pulled him closer to me and I said again, tell me straight in my eyes that you arent in love with me anymore. He said, no I am not. I will believe him when he says that, but I also know, that he will build walls up to protect himself from hurt, hurt from his lack of self confidence. And thats it! We parted and I told him to think about what I said...and I am going back to NC. I am going to continue to date other ppl, he is still with her, but i feel its more a companionship sexual relationship than a fulfulling one. Do you think NC is the right thing to do? I have laid my cards on the table, he knows how I feel, but at the same time, I will not sit at home waiting for him to get on a white horse and sweep me off my feet. But i feel, at this poiint, give him some time to miss me. After 30 yrs of knowing each other, we have never spent more than a month apart. I think the 2 months apart recently is perhaps why he had a dream about me..perhaps he misses me a bit. But I would love a second chance...4 yrs is a long time and I am 1,000 times more equipped to love someone now, because I have learned to love myself again.
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