Pyro Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Who should pay on dates? Tradition says that the guy should, but the latest trend seems to be that both sides equally pay or the individual who made the date. What do you think? Me? I am not sure.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I think it's ok if the guy pays, but should not always be EXPECTED. Like it says in Seinfeld, a reach for the check would be nice. Just a reach. Seriously though, I would pay for my own drinks when I went to bars with my male friends, and they'd get a little annoyed and said I never let them pay and it bugs them:rolleyes: I never expect the guy to always pay. I feel rude if I don't at LEAST offer. At least to pay my side of the table.
Jilly Bean Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 If a man invites me on a date, then he pays, and I won't even be bothered with a "reach". Dating to me is courtship, and I also expect a man to not take me on a date he cannot afford. He plans it, so he knows what he can swing. Once we are in a relationship, however, then that changes and I will pay from time to time. Though it's been my experience that I generally date men who earn more than me, so they always pay for the most part as gentlemen, regardless.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 If a man invites me on a date, then he pays, and I won't even be bothered with a "reach". Dating to me is courtship, and I also expect a man to not take me on a date he cannot afford. He plans it, so he knows what he can swing. Once we are in a relationship, however, then that changes and I will pay from time to time. Though it's been my experience that I generally date men who earn more than me, so they always pay for the most part as gentlemen, regardless. Ditto! Same goes for me....
spookie Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I am uncomfortable with anything but straight down the middle. I've never understood why it should be the guy. IMO the sexes are nearly even where economic opportunity is concerned, at least in most of the Western world. I want a relationship of equals. So why should it be the guy?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I am uncomfortable with anything but straight down the middle. I've never understood why it should be the guy. IMO the sexes are nearly even where economic opportunity is concerned, at least in most of the Western world. I want a relationship of equals. So why should it be the guy? It shouldn't. And women want to be equals to men in every OTHER way, so why all of the sudden when it is more convenient for them(us) all of the sudden equality isn't so attractive? I'm with you more on the 50/50 thing.
spookie Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 It shouldn't. And women want to be equals to men in every OTHER way, so why all of the sudden when it is more convenient for them(us) all of the sudden equality isn't so attractive? I'm with you more on the 50/50 thing. I was going to point this out too but you beat me to it. Good point and I agree 100%.
Author Pyro Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Let me see if I can get this out the right way: Women are and deserve to be equal with men, so I think that both sides should pay, but also it makes sense that the person who makes the plans and asks the other to join them in their plans should be the one to pay, but it seems like that the guy makes the plans a majority of the time, so that would mean that he ends up paying most of the time. He could back off and have the woman initiate plans more so she pays just as much, but the problem with that is if the guy were to back off in that sense, the woman may assume that he is losing interest in her.
blind_otter Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I want to be courted. My father always taught me that I was the prize. I feel the need to be won. I'm old fashioned. I feel like the guy should pay. Once in an established relationship, I split everything down the middle.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Let me see if I can get this out the right way: Women are and deserve to be equal with men, so I think that both sides should pay, but also it makes sense that the person who makes the plans and asks the other to join them in their plans should be the one to pay, but it seems like that the guy makes the plans a majority of the time, so that would mean that he ends up paying most of the time. He could back off and have the woman initiate plans more so she pays just as much, but the problem with that is if the guy were to back off in that sense, the woman may assume that he is losing interest in her. Also, if your a man and you pay... you shouldn't be expecting anything in return.
heidiQ Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 In the beginning, my boyfriend paid for everything but now that we are in an established relationship and I now know that a)I make more than him & b)he has a mortgage on a house he is no longer living in and his monthly rent payment, I tend to kick in at least half of the time. I would just feel bad making him pay all of the time, I think once in a relationship you should take turns treating and sometimes just split the check.
norajane Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Guy pays on dates unless I specifically say I am taking him out as my treat ahead of time. Even then, they always reach for the bill. Once in a relationship, then I try to trade off who pays the bill each time, so it winds up relatively equal over time. However, I'm 40, and most of the guys I date these days are well-established in their careers and financially, so it's a struggle to get them to accept me paying for anything. If a guy wants me to split the bill on the first 'date', it wasn't actually a date, but a friends hanging out thing. I have to say, though, even my guy friends don't want me to give them money for the bill at dinner or if we order pizza or something. So now I always bring wine and dessert when we order in.
allina Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I don't think the man should pay for 100% of the date but he should pay for most. For example if you go to dinner and then out for drinks he should pay for dinner but the woman should buy a round or two of drinks afterwards. If you go to a show he should pay for the tickets but the woman can buy him a glass of scotch at intermission or pay for the cab ride home.
spookie Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I don't think the man should pay for 100% of the date but he should pay for most. For example if you go to dinner and then out for drinks he should pay for dinner but the woman should buy a round or two of drinks afterwards. If you go to a show he should pay for the tickets but the woman can buy him a glass of scotch at intermission or pay for the cab ride home. WHY??? Can we get to the WHY of the question?
tanbark813 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 When I first start dating a girl I offer to pay but if she insists on picking up the bill it's fine by me. I think things should be split but I don't care if it's exactly 50/50. It usually works out how allina described it where I'll get dinner and she pops for drinks or something. If a girl always expected me to pay and never paid for anything it would definitely be a red flag but I can only think of one girl I've dated who didn't offer to pay for something. And even she ponied up some money for drinks once it was pointed out and she felt bad.
allina Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 WHY??? Can we get to the WHY of the question? I honestly can't give you a rational response to why other than that it's what feels right to me.
mental_traveller Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I tend to pay on the first date, since it's usually me doing the asking out. After that, a lot depends on how much she can afford. If she's a student with no money I'd usually cover the bill every time. If she's a corporate lawyer on 6 figures, anything less than 50/50 would get her the boot. As long as she makes a reasonable contribution, then I'm fine with that. As for those women who expect to be paid for until it's a serious relationship, I find this a useful way to filter out gold-diggers and those who just want to mooch off a guy's wallet. After all, if I wanted to pay for female company, I'd have gone to a strip joint or a brothel.
Texan Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I can't speak for any other of my gender, but I've always been of the opinion that, if I asked HER out, it's on me to pay. I know the modern thing is 'hey let's just meet for coffee' which is fine, I suppose, to schedule an initial meeting. (You never know if one of us might want to go climb out a bathroom window.) After that, whatever is comfortable... I've been asked out where she paid for dinner, so I'd pick up the movie or bar tab if we went out to hear a band or something. It's not something that needs to be stressed over. If she wants to go out, you're ahead of the game. You're spending time together... whether it equates into another date is immaterial. Enjoy the moment. I suppose I should mention that I'm over the 50 year mark and, after a recent breakup, am still trying to figure all the dating stuff out. I'm learning that it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. If you both vibe on each other, the money thing doesn't matter... just enjoy the time.
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