Jmina Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 the title is meant to say urgent 'advice' but the word violated loveshacks terms or something...anyway A good friend of mine (female) who has always been straight, had a husband but they broke up and then after she had a boy (who she broke up with her husband for) to be with him and she was head over heels for him but the timing was off - hes 10 years younger. so that hasnt worked out either.. i need urgent help here... this is my problem she has just messaged me telling me she has feelings for me...and that they have been there for a while but shes been ignoring it! she said she thought it was just adoration but feels it might be something more... it totally has taken me by suprise!! i dont know what to say to her... the feelings arent recipricated... i think alot of woman are attracted to other women or their friends, but never really take it seriously because their ego kicks in and moraltes what is best to coincide with the outside world... but because she knows my history and that i have had a relationship with a girl she obviously has been pondering about this and her ego isnt filtering this idea out of her head as it COULD actually work for her. however im not comfortable with it i know it wouldnt work - she is 40 years old and i am 24.. (she looks and acts much younger though) she is the lovliest person and friend but i just dont see her as a prospect and i am totally confused and taken back! what do i tell her?? its going to make our friendship so awkward now! we used to be such good friends and would help each other out with our relationship problems... now we have one. actually now that i think about it, she did kiss me on the lips once - or aim to kiss there after we had a few bubblies once i turned my head though. wow. i totally DID NOT see this coming... i do need help straight away as she is messaging me now abotu it and i just dont know what to say THANKYOU Jmina
PinkRibbon Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I would say use my common sense and better judgement. This is a sticky situation if I was you I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.Tell her politely you are not interested and would like to keep it friends.
carrotgirl Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I think some tactful misdirection is needed here Jmina, something along the lines of .... "Bad timing. I met someone new and I think it maybe could be something." Carrot
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 You can still be friends. Just talk it out a little bit, but not too much. The truth is, she sounds confused, so even if you were attracted to her, or could see something working out, she doesnt sound like she knows what she wants. You can tell her that, then it wont hurt her feelings, and you can remain friends with no awkwardness. Also even if this was a straight boy/girl situation, there would be the friendship factor to consider. This happened to me except we were both straight, and I told her it wasnt a good idea for various reasons and after a few minutes awkwardness, we remained really good friends.
dbtmarley Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Maybe she just wants sex. Pure, unadulterated sex!! My advice to you is not to get drunk with her.
Author Jmina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 anyone? this is how our conversation has gone via text her - a me - j a: hey jmina, i need a hug x j: hey hun. big hugs to you. are you lookin after yourself? whats wrong hun? a: im ok. no contact with boys. bein strong. feelin empty but hard. feel like a hug from u thats all. u always make me feel good? xx oo (at this point i just thought she was feeling close to me like good friends do... i didnt see what was coming.) j:hey thanks hun. you make me feel good too. my advice my friend is this. know that youre in the exact right spot that you are meant to be in because you are gaining gifts from it. i believe youre on the road to some inner strength and that is why you can trust where your life is right now and to go with the flo of it. try no to resist it. even though it is so hard i know, you are actually in the perfect place and soon enough you will feeel the benefits if you trust yourself and your situation right now. make sense? xoxo a:yeah i feel lost still and loss of direction. but i no when i feel strong i want a lot of positives to come thru. i am stop looking for relationships in men. i need to concentrate on kids and making something of my life. i dont know why i have feelings for u. xx (i was confused about her saying she has feelins for me i didnt know if she made a typo or meant it someway other than romantic) j:well the best thing to do when you feel lost is to write everything down that leaves room for direction in your head and direction you will get. men or woman are no good when we are on a soul searching journey its better to work it out without a partner flittering around. you have what kind of feelings for me hun? xoxo a:dont know hon but been there for a while. dont know if there friendship or more?? x (at this point my jaw has dropped and ive said what the **** as many times as you can fit into 30 seconds of reading a text...really unexpected and actually upset me a bit as i feel it might alter our friendship) j:well i do know that every friendship has a certain amount of attraction. thats why you have friends. i really didnt see that coming! you might be idolising and feeling an attraction at the same time. which is normal! how long has it been there? (totally overwhelmed and confused at this point) a:a long time now i keep puttin down to admiration etc to you, i dont know hon its never an area i tried. but im not scared anymore. i dont know? xx j: what about your feelings for adam? (recent ex who is in love with her but feels wrong timing and all that) you dont need me or anyone to make you feel good and to make you feel good its got to come from you. you might be exploring the option more because you know my history. otherwise you might have just ignored it. have you ever been attracted to a girl before? (she didnt reply to this for a while so i thought something may have upset her) j: are you okay? a: yeah sorry shouldnt have voiced my thoughts xx j:did i upset you? im sorry if i did a, i just didnt see it coming thats all and am a little confused. we're still good friends and i am here to talk like always. xoxo a:that ok. yea friends r good. sorry dont know what im feelin x j:its okay i know what you mean when everything gets confusing. im flattered a i think a lot of you too.however im not in a spot to try anything with anyone male or female (i just turned down another boy) because im confused about my life too. you will be okay hun, we both will. dont feel silly for talkin it out k. sorry if i handled it different to what you expected. im new at people tellin me these things and thats where the convo has ended so far..... i have no idea how to handle this and i think it shows... can i have some help here? thankyou jmina
Author Jmina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 thanks guys. i definelty wont go through with this, i will tell her that it cant happen because i know it just wouldnt work. plus im not attracted to her that way. she really is a very good friend, one of my best so i dont want to be rude to her. i hope this sorts itself out without getting too awkward... i have to teach her ballet tmrw!!!
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 What you said was open and fine. It sounds like she feels abit embarrassed aswell. So just act like normal, and you will both carry on being good friends. If there was any awkwardness in your reaction, it was understandable and you were sympathetic to her feelings too.
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Theres no need to talk about it anymore, unless she brings it up.
Author Jmina Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 okay thanks. thanks so much for the prompt replys guys very much appreciated. lol and dont worry i wont be getting drunk with her soon.... we are due for a few champagnes together... i dont think anything would happen though (def not on my part!)
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