p0ppabear Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 So, my original thread's link is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1509211&posted=1#post1509211 Feel free to start off there, and then you can figure out, how all this came to be. So tonight, we had dinner, and then came to my house for some good old rump-festing. All I can really say is, I was true to her, gave her space, and showed her that I wanted her because I really care/cherish her, and not because I felt guilty of the past. We're not "back together", but she's opened up to me a LOT, and has brushed the other guy off. They have not even kissed, and the reason she brushed him off, is because he's very insecure. I'm figuring, that he's sexually frustrated, because he's putting in a lot of effort, to show her how he feels, and isn't getting anything in return. He pushed her away, before he even got her, and that shows all he wants is to "hook-up". He continuously questions her, with the typical, "where are you, who are you with, what are you doing?," and she's never liked to explain herself, because someone already assumes the worst. So, all I can say is, we're on the road to recovering what was damaged, due to my lack of being empathetic towards her feelings. Yes, I was selfish and immature, but I've discovered the root of our issues. It's mostly because of her Father. He doesn't "accept" her, no matter what she does. Nothing she does is good enough for him, and I triggered these emotions with her. She doesn't have the power to walk away from her Dad, but she can with me. I'm sure it was very empowering for her, and she felt like she did it for herself, and not because she had less feelings for me. I stuck with NC for about 2 weeks, after we talked last, and she decided she wanted time to herself. I found out she was going to Vegas with this guy, for the MAGIC convention, and it's during Valentines. I text her. "hey, hope you and X have fun in Vegas. I'm glad you guys found each other." She calls back, and explains to me there is nothing going on between the two. I don't buy it, because she lied to me, and I can tell when she's lying. She later explained, that she knew, I knew she was lying, but she just didn't feel like explaining herself, because she knew I assumed the worst already. To her, if someone views her in this negative way already, then they don't deserve the truth. Well, that phone conversation ended with me saying, ""if you want this to be worked out, we need to work hand-in-hand to work it out. When you're ready to be friends, reconcile, and work on this, give me a call." She text the next day, and said she'd like to see me. So, that's what led up to tonight. I can really say, I'm really happy that we're on a road to recovery, and REALLY working the kinks out. I also mentioned to her, during dinner, "hey, let's peel away all the layers. Don't look at me as above you, or superior, older, wiser, etc etc. Let's put away the hierarchy, and be on a level field. We need to realize what issues we had, that bothered the both of us, and work on this together." I'm sure she's never heard this from a guy, and realized I was showing action, and not just trying to fake that I've changed. She still wants to be single, and work on herself, but we're going to be spending more time together. It definitely feels like we're dating for the first time, all over again. There is hope everyone!!!
Author p0ppabear Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 She doesn't want to get back together. She just sees you as just friends. Sorry. Don't you want someone who feels passionately about you than someone who will put you on the backburner and really when it comes down to the heart of it, isn't that attracted to you (otherwise she wouldn't want to be single, believe you me.) Sorry, you're very naive. You are sadly mistaken. Ever heard of, taking things slow? After a serious break up, the dumper isn't going to just JUMP right back in. They're going to take their time, and make sure it's for the right reasons. They don't want it to be the way it was before. It's called, "smart". Try and use that logic sometime =).
blackdiamond Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 sorry man, northwest cutie is absolutely right. you just cant see it because you choose not to.
sedgwick Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I disagree with the other posters. I think it sounds entirely reasonable that you could get back together if you took things slowly. Good luck to you!
Author p0ppabear Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 Since my last post, a lot has happened. I'll write more details, later on when I have more time. A brief synopsis. We've been hanging out a lot, and we're working on ourselves, instead of "us" as a couple. We're approaching things with a different mind-set. Not rebuilding what we had, but building everything new. The guy she was hanging out with before (they never hooked up, she just replaced my attention, with his) has been stalking her, and she's completely rid him out of her life. We both realize, what we have is one in a million, and we both really want to make this work. Have hope, and keep yourself SANE everyone. Regardless if you get your ex back or not, there is always light at the end of the road.
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