Magnatolia Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) Hi all, I'm really bad at flirting or showing any sign of affection/interest in a potential partner. Usually I just act friendly and they obviously assume that's all I want. I met this girl via the net in a group and got along really well with her. We chatted and laughed a lot, nothing really flirty from her that I noticed. I'm going on a picnic with her in a couple of days and would like some advice on what to say/do that could make her wonder whether I'm flirting or not. What I mean is that I don't want to ruin the friendship if she doesn't share my feelings. I can try and compliment her on what she's wearing, maybe touch her arm every now and then while I'm talking. What else can you recommend? I guess I could joke around with her, maybe make a little fun of her, see how she responds. Also say I'm grabbing a coffee or lunch with a girl, I usually sit opposite her because I find it easier to talk as we're both facing each other. Although I suppose I could sit beside her, and maybe shift just a tiny bit closer than normal. If she reacts normally that's a good sign? Or is this is a big no no? Looking for specific suggestions, please don't tell me to be 'natural' and 'confident' as I don't have the confidence to 'just be'. Really look forward to your suggestions and advice. Edited January 30, 2008 by Magnatolia
BlueHaiku Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 It's hard to give advice when I don't know your or her age, background, personality. People are very different and what works on one may not work on another. I can speak for myself, though. Guys making fun of me doesn't have the intended effect - at least it doesn't usually work on me. It's a very hard thing to do well. There is always the danger that you'll overdo it or hit on something she's really sensitive about - and that's worse than a cold shower. It sounds like you don't know her terribly well yet, so the best thing you can do is ask her a lot about herself! It is very flattering when someone is truly interested in you - in everything from where you were born and grew up, to your favorite movies and music; from school/work experiences, to your dreams for the future. You can even start with a general question "So tell me about yourself? Who is Suzie Q?" and see where she decides to take you with her answer. But be prepared with specific questions if she feels shy at answering such a general question. The key is, spend your time asking her about *her* - don't turn the conversation to yourself unless she starts asking those questions back at you. And listen closely to her answers and ask her follow up questions. If you're truly interested in getting to know the person that she is, this shouldn't be hard. If you hear something that impresses you, or that you think is admirable or wonderful, be sure to tell her how impressed by X or how much you admire Y, or how wonderful Z is about her. There is nothing more flattering! Good luck! BlueHaiku
Jilly Bean Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I know this may sound retarded, but it really has worked for me. If I am really vibing on a guy, I will pretend there is a small piece of lint on his shirt or sweater, and I go to remove it. This does a few things - 1) it narrows our social space, 2) allows for a brief touch, 3) shows him I am nurturing. Yep, the lint trick has NEVER failed the Bean!
sunshinegirl Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I know this may sound retarded, but it really has worked for me. If I am really vibing on a guy, I will pretend there is a small piece of lint on his shirt or sweater, and I go to remove it. This does a few things - 1) it narrows our social space, 2) allows for a brief touch, 3) shows him I am nurturing. Yep, the lint trick has NEVER failed the Bean! I don't think that works with the genders reversed. I would be a little skeeved out if a guy I barely know reached out his hand to touch my sweater. Plus, if it was to pick lint off my sweater I would immediately wonder if he's gay.
Jilly Bean Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I don't think that works with the genders reversed. I would be a little skeeved out if a guy I barely know reached out his hand to touch my sweater. Plus, if it was to pick lint off my sweater I would immediately wonder if he's gay. Ooo - he's a dude! lol. When the title asked for ladies advice, I thought it was a girlie question. I have totally ****ty comprehension skills sometimes. I blame it fully on the non-treated ADD and take no further responsibility. Ok, then as a guy move - I have very long hair, so, if the vibe was there and right, if he moved my hair out of my eyes, or pushed it behind my shoulders, I would find it very erotic.
ahah2322 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 haha I'm QUEEN of flirting (maybe second to JillyB cos she has the Lint Trick! thanks babe!). well, tease her and make fun of her. girls love that. listen to her when she talks- and make it a point to remember. girls love it when guys remember and pay attention to the little things she's mentioned. try not to bring up sexual innuendos- it's pretty annoying.
gfto Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I can try and compliment her on what she's wearing, maybe touch her arm every now and then while I'm talking. maybe make a little fun of her No, No, and No. No compliments, and keep your hands off her. Focus on light conversation and humor. Make her laugh. If she's interested, she might reach over and pull some lint off your sweater.
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