niifawm Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I met a girl 6 months back and liked her since I started knowing her. Slowly, I found myself getting attracted towards her because of her nature. Being an open person, I expressed her that I like these qualities in her and she took those in a positive sense and I never saw her behaving awkwardly even after that. This was another thing which added into the list. We normally chat online only and meet professionally once in a while. From last two weeks, I am feeling very down and it is driving me crazy. I am not able to concentrate on anything apart on her. But the real problem is that She is already in a relationship with another guy and looks like both of them are quite happy. I am not sure, how to come out of this situation as it is killing me and my life is getting screwed. I really don't know what does she feel about me but what I got out of our conversations (like flirting with her, praising her) that she avoids these topics. Neither she gets angry nor she encourages these. So I think she knows about my feelings and don't want to give any chance to me for pursuing further. At present, I am thinking of cutting off at once. It may hurt her a bit but in long run it is good for both of us. I had a lunch planned with her last weekend but I started realizing that she was coming over because I pushed her couple of times and I never saw any excitement in her for the same. It couldn't happen because she was going for shopping with her BF and got some relatives at home so had very less time which was not sufficient for the place I chosen. I told her that let's plan it sometime later. Shall I go with her on just cancel it? I think she knows that I have good feelings for her and no cheap feelings so she doesn't want to hurt me and that's why she agreed. How do you see this? Thanks in advance...
Enema Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Doesn't sound like you can just be friends with this girl. She's made it fairly clear that she's not interested in anything more from you. You shouldn't even be trying while she's got a boyfriend, that paints a very poor picture of your character. Your best bet is to just go your separate ways, no good can come of this friendship.
D-Lish Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Being friends with someone you have romantic feelings for is pretty impossible. You'll only become more attached and open yourself up to getting hurt. You really should walk away from this situation. If she has a bf- she isn't available. I just don't want to see you get hurt.
Author niifawm Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 I understand that but frankly speaking I didn't know about her BF in initial two months and when I came to know about him. It was too late... Shall I tell her the reason of walking away from her life? Because it might hurt her if I will go just like that. Also we are working on a project together so we have to interact with each other quite often. So the only way of cutting off from her is to leave the project. What do you guys suggest?
Nemo Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Also we are working on a project together so we have to interact with each other quite often. Finish the project with her. Keep it professional.
Author niifawm Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Finish the project with her. Keep it professional. Project is not directly work related but in one of my extra-curricular activities so I think it is better to leave the project because our lives are more important than these activities. Having her in front of my eyes will disturb me for some time after I meet her and as these meetings are going to be after every one/two weeks so I don't want to make my life a mess.
Nemo Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Project is not directly work related You have a duty to finish what you started. Sorry.
Author niifawm Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 You have a duty to finish what you started. Sorry. Thanks for your words. I know I am supposed to be so will try that. Shall I tell her about my feelings right now? or shall I wait till she notice a change in me and ask the reason?
Nemo Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Thanks for your words. I know I am supposed to be so will try that. Shall I tell her about my feelings right now? or shall I wait till she notice a change in me and ask the reason? Just act professional. And things will be just fine. Talking about it will only make things awkward and uncomfortable for everybody. Good luck.
Author niifawm Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Doesn't sound like you can just be friends with this girl. She's made it fairly clear that she's not interested in anything more from you. You shouldn't even be trying while she's got a boyfriend, that paints a very poor picture of your character. Your best bet is to just go your separate ways, no good can come of this friendship. I understand what you are saying but I came to know about her BF after long time and it was too late for me to back off by that time.
Author niifawm Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Being friends with someone you have romantic feelings for is pretty impossible. You'll only become more attached and open yourself up to getting hurt. You really should walk away from this situation. If she has a bf- she isn't available. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I understand that I should but how? Shall I tell her everything so that she will understand me and will help her understanding the reason (it might hurt her a bit though)? Or just walk away before saying anything (then what if she asks me the reason)?
BlueHaiku Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 I am getting the impression that you *want* to tell her about how you feel as you cut the friendship. Perhaps there is hope in you that she will suddenly reciprocate? You say she hasn't encouraged such revelations in the past, don't start now. Don't tell her why you are backing off. In fact, don't even tell her that you are intentionally backing off. Just back off. You don't have to make any declaration to her at all. Don't tell her anything. If she contacts you to ask why she hasn't seen you, then you have to decide whether or not you want to tell her, or to just simply say you've been busy. Personally, I would go with "busy."
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