broken_hearted01 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 So many people tell that because I'm young, I don't know what love is. Since when do love have an age limit. But that's not my problem. The problem is that I've been with my boyfriend for year and a half and we've broken up quite a few times. During those times I was trying to get over him. Butas you can see it didn't work. While begining my senior year in high school I had found out that he was having an affair. After comfronting him we began to argue and say things that we later regretted. I called the relationship off and roughly went without him for almost eight months. Oneday I get this phone call from him apologizing to me and telling me how much he missed me. Things were going great after I took him back, then one day i was look at his I.M screen name and it read (exactly) " JUNE 1ST I WILL BE A DADDY". Once again he screwd me over this time it scared my heart. Well I must mention that his baby mother looks horrible and the baby (not to be mean) looks ugly. Anyway, my love for him was greater then I thought it was and so I took him back. I even thought of us getting an apartment together somewhere far from home beacuse the type of lifestyle he lives is not good for him. But here we are again with his cheating ways and I'm ready to give up on him even though I love him but looking at all the damage he's done I think I should've done it along time ago. Some one help me I'm confused
Lexor Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) My dear, youth has 'nothing' to do with one's ability to experience love. In fact, in our younger years, those feelings are often at at their strongest. However, we tend to make critical life decisions based more on emotion than logic when we're young. Functional relationships require a blend of both, at different ratios during various times... but, never should a person completely ignore one for the other entirely. If any person has said to you, "You're too young to know what love is", what they may have meant was that they feel you could be using more emotion than logic to weigh your relationship. Love can happen to anyone at any time... however, lasting relationships tend to require life experience, which comes only with trial and error. I'm certain anyone reading this can understand the strength of your feelings towards this individual (I will not refer to him as a 'man', as that title I reserve for males who act with diligence, faithfulness, and respect towards others). We've all been in love. Love is the most powerful emotion of all and difficult to overcome once found. You have a history with this individual, one that you've invested deeply into your heart, your life, your very being. And there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I applaud you. Seeking and maintaining love takes courage and faith. Bravo! But, it sounds as though you, alone, have made a true investment in this would-have-been relationship. And, as with all investments, one should anticipate steady, profitable returns... not be at a perpetual and persistent loss. Your shared history with this person is not profitable to 'you' as a person. While I generally frown on comparing love to business, they do mirror similar truths. We are each our own company, our lives are our business, and we buy/sell/trade our life's commodoties with others in our lifetime. When we find sources of emotional wealth and happiness, we should invest more heavily there. When we suffer continued losses in an area of life, it's time to move our business to more profitable ventures. The real question is: why are you struggling to 'fire' this bad investment (male) from your personal life? It's obvious that he's not interested in honesty, fidelity, stability, and dedication to anyone... which is telling of his heart, or possible lack of one. It sounds as though he may not love anyone but himself, and he may not even love himself. But, that is not your responsibility... it's his. Don't try to fix, change, or save him. No one alive can do that but him, and that's unlikely to happen. It's a common error for younger women to believe they can change a man. No one can change anyone but themselves. And actions will always speak louder than words. Love is respect... period! Love is putting a partner's needs and concerns (and other loved one's) at the forefront of your life choices. That's not to say sacrifice your ambitions and responsibilities to yourself for others, but, keep their needs as equal to your own. And, trust is the foundation of all relationships. If he's given you consistent reasons not to trust him, such as cheating, than you should not be with him. Untrustworthy people can only be trusted to do untrustworthy things. The only advice I can truly offer is this: be good to yourself. The world is filled with men (real men) who can offer you the love and respect you deserve. Anything less than that is unacceptable, by you or anyone else. This male you've mentioned seems uninterested in your needs, or anyone else's... he is solely bent on his own selfish needs. He'll tell you anything to butter you up, to hit those soft spots you have in your defense, as I'm sure he's done to you before. Aren't you tired of him insulting your intelligence, of disrespecting your feelings, of lying to you about all that is most important in love and life? Trust me, he's living the life he wants and it's not complimentary to your own. Be strong, have patience. Have faith that something better will come along if you just believe in yourself. I promise you, with courage and persistance, along with sound choices in selecting partners, you will find you the love you deserve. ~Lexor Edited January 30, 2008 by Lexor
Author broken_hearted01 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Thank you for your words of wisdom and I will surely soak them up and make that most important change. Thanks once again.
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