SmileyFace82 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I'm sitting here 5 months on... i had split up with my ex at the end of August and i sometimes wonder where the time has gone. That's almost half a year ago for gods sake...and i still think about her and remember back to the day we split up. Deep down i still love her so very much. I'm not over her. I know this cause everyday it's a battle for me, a battle with my will power to get on with my day and move on. I have come a long way since the first weeks after my break up. However, on the outside i seem perfectly over it, people treat me like my usual self, i joke around a lot etc. always smiling etc. But sometimes i wonder why i do this, cause it's not how i feel. It's almost like i'm doing it not for myself but for others to see that i'm happy and fine. I'm writing this right now cause i'm thinking about her again. I miss her. I'm able to deal with my emotions better now so no one will know that deep down i am actually really suffering but coming onto LS and reading peoples advice and comments helps me in a way. But it also tells me i'm not quite there yet cause having to visit these pages makes me realise that she occupies my mind far too much and i'm needing to seek advice from other people in order to forget her. I don't know what the solution is to all this... i know time will heal itself...but i read that people are still not over their ex's years after. NC has helped me a lot and i don't actually even want to contact her as i don't even know what to say if i do. I've also been convincing myself that she wasn't all that, and that we actually weren't right for each other. But i'm always walking around hoping to bump into her (I work in the next building). Hoping that she will contact me one day, but i know that she's really happy with her boyfriend right now and i hear on the grapevine that things are going great. I don't even know what to think anymore, i'm going crazy fighting with my emotions, fighting with whether to miss her, hate her. I know i shouldn't be thinking about her at all, but i guess it's not as easy as that. I thought i was able to do it, able to just think positively, mind over matter and focus on my goals and forget about her but it has turned out that i'm unable to take that next step. I'm just stuck here and i cannot move on. How pathetic...
s_n_d Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I know.. Reading that some people are still not over their exs years later is really discouraging to me too. I wish I could fast forward my life so I would be over him. She broke up with you??
cecil brown Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Hey smiley, Don't feel too down, it's been 9 months since my ex left, and I'm still coping with the pain. IMO, your grieving is normal. When you really love someone it's hard to say goodbye.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 I know.. Reading that some people are still not over their exs years later is really discouraging to me too. I wish I could fast forward my life so I would be over him. She broke up with you?? Initially it was kind of a mutual decision but i soon regretted it and did the usual pleading and begging like most people have done on this board. What i didn't know is that she had already moved onto someone else... if i had known i probably wouldn't have done that. Either way, it was the wrong thing to have done and i if i could change the past i would choose to go NC straight away after my break up. Its funny, cause somehow i feel like i'd done something wrong and feel like i need to change etc. but really she's the one who had someone else lined up and treated me unreasonably afterwards. I wish i could see myself cause i would seriously give me a slap and tell myself to wake up!
Author SmileyFace82 Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Hey smiley, Don't feel too down, it's been 9 months since my ex left, and I'm still coping with the pain. IMO, your grieving is normal. When you really love someone it's hard to say goodbye. Hey cheers Cecil, i guess it is truly having to accept that it is "goodbye" and that that's it. What have you been doing to try and cope? Have you tried dating other people for example? if so, has that helped at all?
cecil brown Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I work two jobs and stay pretty busy. That's the main way I have tried to cope. I also have tried hitting the booze, but take it from me, it doesn't help, it only masks the problem. I'm kinda seeing a girl now, although it's more just a physical based relationship. She's cool, and we have fun, but she just doesn't give me the feelings of happiness that I got from the ex. It can be pretty disheartening at times, but what can we do? We have no choice but to try to make the best of a bad situation.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 I work two jobs and stay pretty busy. That's the main way I have tried to cope. I also have tried hitting the booze, but take it from me, it doesn't help, it only masks the problem. I'm kinda seeing a girl now, although it's more just a physical based relationship. She's cool, and we have fun, but she just doesn't give me the feelings of happiness that I got from the ex. It can be pretty disheartening at times, but what can we do? We have no choice but to try to make the best of a bad situation. Hey, yeah i know what you mean. I hit the booze too and got drunk a lot until the turn of the year where i decided to cut down a little. I haven't really dated anyone since as whenever i've got close to someone else i've kinda just pulled away although i haven't actually met a girl who i've liked in comparison yet (believe me, i'm not trying to compare my ex to any of these girls but i'm sure subconciously it just happens). I've been keeping busy by buying a new apartment, focusing on my career more and meeting new people. But in between hours i still think about my ex, it's impossible to just forget about her completely. Oh well, like you say, i guess we don't have any choice but to just bear it.
NickP Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 hey smiley, i noe exactly wot ure sayin cos im in the same position. its bn jus 3+ mths for me and on days like today, after watchn a movie like The Notebook, it makes me think bout my ex a lil bit.i mask it by keeping occupied and like u too, i come here seeking advice. i think i cant give any other girls a chance cos ive jus sorta lost faith in love. i cant help but be afraid to get close to some1 else again, for fear of endin up with all this sadness at the end. but i believe that with time, my faith will be restored. and yea sure, i too compare new girls with my ex, but hey that's natural i think, cos we know what we had with our ex-es was real & its natural for us to want the same thing which we had for so long again. i think that for now though, it's all a matter of pulling thruu toward the light at the end of the tunnel. one day it'll jus all go away. believe that. nick
PinkRibbon Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Smiley your post was so well written and seemed carefully thought through. Healing from a break up takes different times for different people. It has been 4 months for me and each days feels just empty with out him and it hurts. But sometimes we have no choice in this matter. We can only feel the pain and struggle to move forward day by day. I hope you feel better soon because I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone. Good luck and keep visiting LS. The people here are great.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Im on the 3 month mark so Im screwed I guess.... I was thinking along the lines of maybe a year and Ill be feeling good, but if people here say that sometimes it takes years and people are still suffering......damn......from what I felt and feel for her still, I think Im gonna be one of these long run cases....it was 9 years..... And I dont know how people date.... If you do its because you have feelings for the person youre dating already and that would be good for healing process.... I know from past experience when I was younguer....19, that I had a heartbreak (which by no means compares to this one), but the first person I started dating afterwards was my current ex of 9 years.... It took me 2 years to find her, but in the meantime all I did was have sex with other women but never dated.... Im screwed....my life is going to be crazy for a long time....
PinkRibbon Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I am no way shape or form ready to date. I am too afraid to date...what if he comes back? Then I will have cheated. (Fantasy he will come back.)
screwedup55 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Hey Smiley, I know how you feel. I put on the face because I want to be happy again. It doesn't help me be happy, but it helps a little in preventing me from going crazy. I can't even look at another woman right now. All it does is remind me of her and how no one compares to her.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Hey everyone, Thanks ever so much for your responses. It does mean a lot to me. Firstly, Nick P: I have lost faith in love too. I was once told that people don't end up with the people they love but rather the people who they are most compatible with. I am beginning to believe that more so as the days go by. I don't fear being sad again, i think i have learnt from this experience and will cope and deal with it better if it happens to me again in the future. However, with regards to "love"... i think i will find it very difficult to find someone i truly love like i did with my ex. I hope i do come across someone in the future where i can love again... although i am quite sceptical of this. PinkRibbon: Cheers for your kind words. I think i've been pretty okay but obviously i get some days which are worse than others. I will continue to come back to LS for the time being cause it does help me... plus giving advice to others in need also helps me think more clearly. Oh and by the way, i don't think you should too afraid of going on dates... i guess dates are actually harmless and it's an excuse to have a bit of fun, meet new people and feel important again... well that's what i have been told anyway. screwedup55: That is exactly how i felt for the first few months. However, i can now look at other woman for example but subconciously i just compare them to my ex eventually. I just wish i can wipe her completely off my mind so that she basically never existed in my life and i can just move on and go on dates for example and be normal. It's just not healthy for me the way she just pops into my head during different times of the day...and she's happy with her bf and not thinking about me at all. That's screwed up to be honest, i really need to get ahold of myself!!! And AnguishedAndBroken: i'm sure it is different for each relationship with some people taking longer than others to recover from it...depending on how close you were, how your relationship ended, how you cope with it straight after the break up etc. I've had my ups and downs in the last 5 months and there has been times when i've really thought i was near the light at the end of the tunnel then realising its an illusion and i actually still have a long way to go. I don't know what the solution is to be honest, but i guess we can only help ourselves. I'm beginning to think that i should just go out dating and find someone else...even though that's not necessarily what i want to do. I just think this might help me recover quicker possibly...
PinkRibbon Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Glad you seem to feel a little better today. I am glad! Yes the light at the end of the tunnel is an illusion. I see it every now and then but darn it seems so far away! But I agree about ending up with someone you are comfortable with rather than someone you love. I love my husband to pieces and see where it got me. Next time (if there is a next) it will be for comfort and stability.
mousse Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Smiley face, It took me one year to get over my ex. I had many ups and down like you, especially after 5/6 months of NC : I think that it's a particularly delicate time of NC and many people feel depressed at that point. I remember crying a lot at that time. Analysing why my ex and I weren't right for each other truly helped me to get over him. It could also help you to analyse and understand why the relationship failed. You will stop comparing all the other girls to her when you understand and accept that she isn't the one for you.
sedgwick Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 Hmm, interesting that other people have had trouble at the 5/6 month mark of NC. That's where I am right now and I'm having a hell of a time with it lately. I miss him so much and wish I could hear something from him, just anything, but he's silent. I'm starting to deal with the fact that I'll probably never hear from him again, and that's really hard. I'm in no way over him or ready to date, but I'm better than I was the day he dumped me. I guess all we can do is just keep up the NC and hope it eventually works on our end and that we get over them.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Hmm, interesting that other people have had trouble at the 5/6 month mark of NC. That's where I am right now and I'm having a hell of a time with it lately. I miss him so much and wish I could hear something from him, just anything, but he's silent. I'm starting to deal with the fact that I'll probably never hear from him again, and that's really hard. I'm in no way over him or ready to date, but I'm better than I was the day he dumped me. I guess all we can do is just keep up the NC and hope it eventually works on our end and that we get over them. Yeah i agree with your post sedgewick. I guess the trouble with the 5/6 month mark is the realisation that you're not going to get back with them although we knew that pretty much all along but we still hold on to that hope. I know that a small part of me was hoping that by some great miracle she was going to come back and say "sorry, i miss you so much, please lets be together again". Although i knew that this wasn't going to happen as she's not like that and plus i know that she's happy with her current bf. I don't know what it was but this last week has been pretty hard for me. I've been mentally strong for the last month but a few different things had triggered me off this past week and i've just been depressed and question NC, question everything i've done and question where i am at etc. I know that i am much better than i was initially but all of a sudden i've really missed her and then started getting rather depressed and question what i have to live for etc. Very negative and looking back on the past week i've been really disappointed in myself. I'm going to describe one instance that triggered me off in the past week. I was watching a scene from "How i met your mother" and it was when Ted kissed Robin even though she was sick. She told him not to but he did it anyway and lo and behold she was nursing him from the flu a couple days later. I remember that exact thing happening with me and my ex once and then the feelings i've been blocking out came flooding back to me and it reminded me of when we were together and how much i love her. Then i guess reality struck and i was down for a bit. I recovered a little, then my cousin (who is also friends with my ex) told me that they were all going on a "Girly" holiday together, however they are going to meet up with my ex's current bf there who is on a "Guys" holiday at the same location. And apparently my ex is going on holiday again with her current beau over easter. Now, don't get me wrong, i know it's none of my business and i really shouldn't be bothered at all by any of the above but i was so down after hearing all that. At this point, i thought to myself, i'm hopeless...it's been 5 months and i haven't had any contact with her for 1 month... why am i still bothered? why do i feel like this? She doesn't care anymore, i know that. Yet i can't let go. I thought NC would help me do this, but it hasn't (although i should continue with NC, right?). I still wake up everyday and she is the first thing i think of and she is still the last thing i think of when i close my eyes at night. As soon as i do, i just force myself to think of something else, but it still happens everyday. I'm confused and i don't know what to do. I guess one of the hardest thing to swallow is that i know now that i have lost a friend aswell. I know many people say this after a break up, but 5 months on, i realise this moreso than before. I do just miss her, as a person i guess. I miss having her around, i miss seeing her smile, making her laugh, seeing her do her little things that make her who she is. I don't know, i think i've gone through every stage possible now since the break up. Loved her, missed her, hated her, despised her, blame her, blame me, doubt myself, smile, cry, be miserable, be happy for her and so on...in no particular order. I think i'm going crazy!! haha...i hope someone is going to tell me that they know exactly how i am feeling and it's going to get better. I feel better today anyway, so i was able to come on here and write how i feel. I guess i'm just looking for a bit of support i guess... i know everyone has to move on and let go at some point...i thought i was well on my way... perhaps it will take a little longer(!)
smileysmile Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Hey Smiley.. I am 5 mths and 1 week S. From our marital home that is. S in different bedrooms end of April last year. So that is a fair bit. How would we get back after so long?? I am kidding myself. Unlike you though I have a "connection." Our daughter who is 14 mths old and they live just 10 mins away so I get to see them both. Briefly with my ex though. She hasn't filed for D yet. I haven't heard anything. Ok the solicitor contacted me last year ref. mediation (finances) but I haven't been served papers. Probably so she can keep her spouse train pass for as long as she can. So I guess thats a good thing..right? So it is hard for me to get over this as I love her and have strong feelings for her. We have to get a life though. To take our mind off them. Shame we aren't local so we can get all the grieving dumpees together and have a good old cry lol
jimbo101 Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I'm sitting here 5 months on... i had split up with my ex at the end of August and i sometimes wonder where the time has gone. That's almost half a year ago for gods sake...and i still think about her and remember back to the day we split up. Deep down i still love her so very much. I'm not over her. I know this cause everyday it's a battle for me, a battle with my will power to get on with my day and move on. I have come a long way since the first weeks after my break up. However, on the outside i seem perfectly over it, people treat me like my usual self, i joke around a lot etc. always smiling etc. But sometimes i wonder why i do this, cause it's not how i feel. It's almost like i'm doing it not for myself but for others to see that i'm happy and fine. I'm writing this right now cause i'm thinking about her again. I miss her. I'm able to deal with my emotions better now so no one will know that deep down i am actually really suffering but coming onto LS and reading peoples advice and comments helps me in a way. But it also tells me i'm not quite there yet cause having to visit these pages makes me realise that she occupies my mind far too much and i'm needing to seek advice from other people in order to forget her. I don't know what the solution is to all this... i know time will heal itself...but i read that people are still not over their ex's years after. NC has helped me a lot and i don't actually even want to contact her as i don't even know what to say if i do. I've also been convincing myself that she wasn't all that, and that we actually weren't right for each other. But i'm always walking around hoping to bump into her (I work in the next building). Hoping that she will contact me one day, but i know that she's really happy with her boyfriend right now and i hear on the grapevine that things are going great. I don't even know what to think anymore, i'm going crazy fighting with my emotions, fighting with whether to miss her, hate her. I know i shouldn't be thinking about her at all, but i guess it's not as easy as that. I thought i was able to do it, able to just think positively, mind over matter and focus on my goals and forget about her but it has turned out that i'm unable to take that next step. I'm just stuck here and i cannot move on. How pathetic... Dude, u r not alone...I think we have almost the same problem here. Stuck and can't move on and we still miss them badly. We begged them but in vain...sometimes we love them, but sometimes we hate them.
Robert7x Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 I think the reason people are stuck on their ex's for so long is because they refuse to let go and focus on their own life. They keep living the dream in which after certain time the ex will come back and everyting will be the same. You all need to wake up from that dream. First of all even if they do come back there is no garauntee that they are the same person any more. And second of all, why would you even want them back after what you went through. When you decide to let go and move on... that's when you realize how much better you are off without them. Why would you want to waste months on someone that is living their life to the fullest and not giving any thought on how you are? Don't you deserve better? Don't you want to be loved again? Decide now, Today, Weather you want to go through this another 5 months or say "I'm letting you go, and moving on today". Act on it, don't just dwell on the hope that will only make you sit in that hole you are in right now. R
jimbo101 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I think the reason people are stuck on their ex's for so long is because they refuse to let go and focus on their own life. They keep living the dream in which after certain time the ex will come back and everyting will be the same. You all need to wake up from that dream. First of all even if they do come back there is no garauntee that they are the same person any more. And second of all, why would you even want them back after what you went through. When you decide to let go and move on... that's when you realize how much better you are off without them. Why would you want to waste months on someone that is living their life to the fullest and not giving any thought on how you are? Don't you deserve better? Don't you want to be loved again? Decide now, Today, Weather you want to go through this another 5 months or say "I'm letting you go, and moving on today". Act on it, don't just dwell on the hope that will only make you sit in that hole you are in right now. R Because of love...
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