Disgruntled Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I started seeing a guy I met online at the end of September. We've spent lots of time together - been on several trips together, spend almost every weekend together and get together sometimes once throughout the week. He lives about 45 minutes away from me - we're both seperated on the way to divorce and have kids from our previous marriages. We have not yet introduced our kids to the mix. I am in love with this man and he's told me he's in love with me. He buys me cards, buys dinner, pays for all that we do - is very generous. He bought me several very nice gifts at Christmas, etc. He calls me often throughout the day - we communicate on the phone and text all the time. Recently we've talked about possibly meeting one another's children, which to me seems like we're moving towards a bigger step. My dilemma is this. About a month ago, I decided to post a fake profile on the dating website where we met to see if he was still active on that site. He responded to the fake profile and I called him on it as he told me he was not using it anymore. He had told me he was going to cancel the account. I was ready to break things off with him because I just got out of a marriage that was riddled with lots of lies. He told me he didn't want to lose me - that he was scared of how he was feeling, and that's when he started telling me he loved me. Since then, I've checked his activity on that website and he was on it again. He cancelled the account but apparently you can still use it until the billing cycle is up and he had paid for a 6 month subscription. It's not due to be completely cancelled until March. Then, just this past weekend we went out to a bar with one of his female friends and some of her friends. His female friend was talking to him and told me afterward that "he was confused" and that she was trying to talk him out of "screwing up the best thing that ever happened to him". I asked her to explain what she meant and she said "call me later". Needless to say I confronted him about it the next morning after the alcohol wore off. He said he didn't know what his friend was talking about, he wouldn't really go into detail about what they had discussed but that he told her he and I had fallen for each other hard (that was about all he told me). He called his friend and we had a "conference call". She basically said she was just drunk and didn't mean to confuse me or make me doubt him. I called her later that day, after I had left his house and she said basically the same thing she had told me the night before. She said that she didn't think my guy was seeing anyone else and asked me a lot of questions about how I felt about him. I talked with my guy later that same day and he said he felt maybe his friend was a little jealous of the relationship he had with me. He said they had talked again and that she asked him how he felt about her and did he "love" her. They are very good friends and have been for about 8 years. I've never been bothered by their friendship until now. He's led me to believe that she's potentially got feelings for him and that she's maybe trying to sabotage our relationship by feeding me misinformation. She's led me to believe that he's confused and not sure he really knows he wants our relationship. Based on the past debacle over the dating website issue and now this, I'm really insecure and confused. Based on purely his actions though, he hasn't given me any reason to not believe in him. All of this drama from the weekend feels very high-schoolish and very he-said,she-said. These people are late 30's/early 40's. I am a little surprised at the drama. I kinda feel stuck in the middle and not sure how to proceed. I truly love this man and love many of the qualities he possesses, but I cannot and will not allow myself to be lied to. I would love some feedback on how best to proceed. Thanks for reading my post!
almosthere Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I am only a kid, but this many issues now make it blatently obvious that if this works, it won't last long.
Jilly Bean Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Hon, this isn't about the friend or anything she had to say. It has to do with the following facts: 1 - you felt the need to "lure and trap" him on the dating site. Why was that? Did you really feel he was messing around? 2 - he responded to your fake ad, and then lied about it. 3 - you took him back, he proclaimed his love and exclusivity, and then he promptly went back on the dating site. I know you said you had a marriage with a guy who lied to you, and it seems that in your fears of this guy being the same, that reality has someone manifested. You said you cannot and will not allow yourself to be lied to, yet you seem to take him back after he lies and you catch him. This has NOTHING to do with his friend - its all him and you. I think you know what you need to do, and if you dont, then expect more of the same behavior.
SeraBella Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Creating the fake profile was just a recipe for disaster. Did he FIND the profile and contact "you" or did YOU contact him? Playing games like that always ends up hurting someone. And if you really had do to that, there's obviously trust issues...either something internally that you need to work on, no man will fix that, or he's done something to create the lack of trust. Now proceed with caution.
Author Disgruntled Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 He contacted the fake profile.
Florida Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Hon, this isn't about the friend or anything she had to say. It has to do with the following facts: 1 - you felt the need to "lure and trap" him on the dating site. Why was that? Did you really feel he was messing around? 2 - he responded to your fake ad, and then lied about it. 3 - you took him back, he proclaimed his love and exclusivity, and then he promptly went back on the dating site. I know you said you had a marriage with a guy who lied to you, and it seems that in your fears of this guy being the same, that reality has someone manifested. You said you cannot and will not allow yourself to be lied to, yet you seem to take him back after he lies and you catch him. This has NOTHING to do with his friend - its all him and you. I think you know what you need to do, and if you dont, then expect more of the same behavior. I Second that. As for the friend-yet another umpteenth reminder of why I don't like most opposite sex friends. Especially this case. You'll never get to the bottom of it, but it's bad enough to warrant serious consideration. And combined with the lies/fake profile........ OMG run, girl, run.
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