FooledOnce Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Last week the ex emailed me saying that she wants to get together. I sent her a short message (2 sentence) saying that I couldn't because of my work schedule last week. She said no biggie and to let her know if I could get together last weekend or this week. I never responded. Today: "So I know you probably aren't avoiding me, but it feels like it. I wrote to you a couple times because I would really love to see you. Maybe you don't have any free time this week, but could we at least schedule for another time? That way I'll at least feel better about it." That was the message in it's entirity. Now, keep in mind she sent this too me on facebook email, so it came with the pic of her and her new bf right next to it. What's going on here? Simply missing me? Wants to make sure her foot's still in the door? Is this NC thing making me more attractive? What's my best response?
s_n_d Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I think shes just making sure she has you on a string like her own personal puppet. I say ignore it. She does have a bf.
Square_1 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I'm with SND.....Let her go, she needs to move on with her life and quit being selfish.
BrianG Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 "So I know you probably aren't avoiding me, but it feels like it. I wrote to you a couple times because I would really love to see you. Maybe you don't have any free time this week, but could we at least schedule for another time? That way I'll at least feel better about it." What's going on here? Simply missing me? Wants to make sure her foot's still in the door? Is this NC thing making me more attractive? What's my best response? She is being selfish and keeping you on a string. "That way I'll at least feel better about it." Screw her and WHO CARES about her anymore, she is being selfish. Yeah she probably does miss you. I would not necessarily say that NC makes anyone more attractive. What do you want to do is the question? If you still have feelings for her I would simply decline the invitation and say thats its not a good idea to hang out and leave it at that. Dont tell her why because she does not deserve to know whats going on in your life
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 If she has an average awareness of peoples feelings, and isnt having a mental breakdown, then she should realise that this isnt a nice prospect for you, and if she was having doubts she would get herself single. If not it looks like things would get messy. So dont analyse it, because if it is what you are hoping for, she would make it clearer.
Author FooledOnce Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 Well, team, I'm back to be yelled at. I met up with her, not in some public place but here at my apartment (gulp). She was over for a couple of hours and things were pleasent enough. I made the intentional decision not to flirt with her or anything like that. Then, when she was leaving, she looked upset and would walk through the door. She commented that I looked like i was doing really well. I said it was because I finally got it through my head that she wasn't coming back, which caused her to burst out crying. She told me she's been crying every day for a couple of weeks. She told me she felt like she gave up so much and she's never had a connection to another person like she has with me. I mentioned how she told me she just wanted to be friends and asked her if this was how she felt when she didn't see her other friends for a few weeks. Then, it happened. She told me she felt like she made such a mistake but there's nothing that could happen now because I probably hate her. Ever see blind date? It would say 'FooledOnce drops his guard in 3...2...1'. Yeah, I went and hugged her, told i thought we were soulmates and that's why she felt the drive to see me (omg, i said that!). I told her that i thought it was amazing how poor of communicators we were since we had such a strong connection. She agreed and kept adding 'We had an AMAZING relationship'. I told her that what had happened with us is that we lost each other in the transition from college to adulthood (we both just graduated). So she's crying this whole time and holding me really close and intimately. I feel like i'm watching a movie and can't believe the words coming out of my mouth. So now, of course, I'm stuck in limbo again. I have hope, but not her. Hope is a cruel, horrible thing.
KittenMoon Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 You might want to change your user name from "FooledOnce" to "FooledAgain". This was a damn stupid thing to do. Even if you had to meet her, the moment she teared up you should have been like "Oh well- you ****ed up" or just let her leave. She probably feels great now because she something that was bothering her off her chest, not because she's really reconsidering what happened. And she knows too that her safety net is still squarely in place. I shake my head at girls like this, and the guys that let them perpetuate these charades.
Author FooledOnce Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 You might want to change your user name from "FooledOnce" to "FooledAgain". This was a damn stupid thing to do. Even if you had to meet her, the moment she teared up you should have been like "Oh well- you ****ed up" or just let her leave. Lol, both replies here made me laugh. Believe me, i know i shouldn't have met up with her. I certainly shouldn't have dropped my guard. I held it up for about 5 seconds, but once i dropped it I couldn't help myself. Mouth diarrhea. She was responding positively and I went to bed that night thinking things were all good. But the next morning I woke up and thought 'no, i did NOT say that stuff!' What can you do, it's in the past now.
oppath Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 No worries. Just keep to no contact. If she wants to see you again, ask her "what are your intentions?" If she says "I want to talk about us," say "then ditch your boyfriend. You can't have me as a backup plan."
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 What can you do, it's in the past now. So why are you still hung up on it in the present? because (like so many of us!) you can't let it go.... lket me try to sober it up for you a bit. If it didn't work before, I doubt it will work again. Things like this seldom do.... It's going to end, now or later; at some point you'll look upon her face for the very last time. So if you want my advice, you reckless fudge-wit you, call her up (don't fer chrissakes take the cowardly way out and e-mail her! PLEASE!! Be a Man about this!) and tell her that you were kinda swept up by the heat of the moment. You care for her and still have feelings but - it's over. Really, it is. Get her to please not call you or mail you with stories of her and other guys, and really, it would be best to just dismiss any ideas whatsoever, about getting together. It's NOT going to happen. You don't want to raise any hopes, so ask her to just cool it for a while. She had started making her own way in Life, and so had you. There is no going back. Period. If the beep then sounds on her answer-machine, you've run out of time, by the way.....
KittenMoon Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Lol, both replies here made me laugh. Believe me, i know i shouldn't have met up with her. I certainly shouldn't have dropped my guard. I held it up for about 5 seconds, but once i dropped it I couldn't help myself. Mouth diarrhea. She was responding positively and I went to bed that night thinking things were all good. But the next morning I woke up and thought 'no, i did NOT say that stuff!' What can you do, it's in the past now. Yeah, I've been there too! Some people are just programmed to be selfless and caring- but it's a double-edged sword. Still, its better to be the manipulated, than the manipulator- at least you are a person who REALLY cares about the other person.
Always Wrong Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Geishawhelk has the plan. Do it. Do it now before she comes back! KittenMoon is right too, you've got a big heart.
Haohmaru Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 It is a stronger man than I who can give all of themselves to this woman you describe. I believe it futile, to continue on in this hope of renewal toward thou fallen love, for she deserves not what she receiveth. I believe a good heart wasted on undeserving folk amounts to the same sin as a bad heart crushing a good person. It is a waste of a valuable resource and it is sinful. Stop sinning before the Lord and begest thou forgiveness. Puttin' a big heart to use on a heartbreaker is like using a plastic hammer on a diamond. What's the use?
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