Audg1964 Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 (edited) I am dating my neighbor! He's single - never been married - no kids and no family. I'm a single mom of 14 years to a 16-year-old girl in Catholic School! I have never had sex when she's home! Never had a guy sleep over! We invited him over on Christmas Day, because I felt badly that he was home alone. We had been friends before this - and he was really happy that we invited him over. Then, he starts to make the moveso n me, overstepping his boundaries and making me uncomfortable by coming on to me on Christmas Day! So, I made it clear that I wanted to wait to have a sexual relationship. I really like this guy and am totally attracted to him - and we did have sex - once. I really like him, but he just keeps pushing it - for sex! I cannot in good conscience have sex with him when my daughter is home! Nor, can I go across the hall and do it with him when my daughter is home! Call me a prude, but that was just my instinct. I told him that I wanted more than just a sexual relationship, that I wanted a long-term relationship, and that I thought it would be best if we waited. He keeps pushing me and pushing me and oversteps his boundaries and does not respect that I have already told him that I wanted to wait. We have plans to go away and "do it." But, I live with my 16-year-old and I can't be doing the nasty when she's around! So, last night, he said he didn't want to watch what was on TV, but we weren't watching it, we were talking, or I was talking. So, I said, well, isn't the point that we spend time together? We're not watching TV anyway! If TV is more important to you than spending time with me, why don't you go home and watch TV? With that, he just got up and left, without a word, no goodbye, nothing! I cooked him dinner...I am speechless... My heart is broken too. So, my question is, if he really liked and respected me, he would wait, wouldn't he? I already know the answer...but, guys, help me out here...if he really liked me, and wanted a long-term relationship - he would wait, right? I mean, we've only been together since Christmas! That's just a month! My gut tells me that he left because he wanted sex and didn't want to talk and could care less what was on TV. I think he's just tired of waiting. Again, it's only been a month. Does anyone else think that's why he left? Edited January 29, 2008 by Audg1964 Question added
Touche Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Awww, I hate saying this because you sound like such a good mother and a good person. He's a DOG...plain and simple. Not a good guy. No good man acts like that. It's not even like you've asked him to wait for months on end. Your mistake in the first place was having sex with him. You have sent him mixed signals. How did the first time around come to be? Were you at his house when your child was away? If so, can't you make that happen again? But having said that, he's still a dog and not a gentleman who really respects you and I'd find better. You sure sound like you deserve it.
Author Audg1964 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Awww, I hate saying this because you sound like such a good mother and a good person. He's a DOG...plain and simple. Not a good guy. No good man acts like that. It's not even like you've asked him to wait for months on end. Your mistake in the first place was having sex with him. You have sent him mixed signals. How did the first time around come to be? Were you at his house when your child was away? If so, can't you make that happen again? But having said that, he's still a dog and not a gentleman who really respects you and I'd find better. You sure sound like you deserve it. Yea, I was at his house when it happened, and I guess I gave in...I KNEW IT WAS A MISTAKE! LMAO!!! Thanks for your reply!
4everloveu Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 If he truly love you than he should wait. Since he know that you have kids at home. If he only want sex than he not a good guy. You sound like a nice person to me and you deserve better.
Touche Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Yea, I was at his house when it happened, and I guess I gave in...I KNEW IT WAS A MISTAKE! LMAO!!! Thanks for your reply! You're welcome. It doesn't even matter that you gave in. He should still respect your wishes while you're in your own home with your child there. He left because he's a baby who didn't get his way. I remember when my H and I were dating, the nights I was over at his house when his son was there, we couldn't "be together." I understood and respected him for that. Instead, we ate dinner, watched a movie and even played board games with his son. I respected him for his decision as I said. This man doesn't respect you for yours. This is a HUGE red flag. Proceed (if you must) with great caution. He's already told you, by his actions, the kind of man he is.
Author Audg1964 Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 He said that, "I had no idea that changing the channel would make you so upset! Wow!" I was like, umm, excuse me, but you are the one who walked out without so much as a goodbye. Then I said that we werent' even watching TV and that what I said was if watching TV is more important to you than spending time with me, then maybe you should go home and watch TV. I told him it was clear to me that he didn't want to talk, but rather, had sex on the brain. He didn't deny it. He was like, oh, yea, you're right. Happy now, you little brat! He called me a little brat! I told him that walking out on me was not something that I was going to get over anytime soon - and that he made it clear to me that sex is more important to him than our relationship by leaving and that it was over. He did not reply, and now I feel badly. ughhh!!!
Author Audg1964 Posted February 3, 2008 Author Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) Okay, so we kind of worked out this issue, we have been communicating and now everything is all screwed up again! Last night I stopped for a bite to eat and a beer around 5. I called my daughter at home and John at home. Neither answered, so I just went. I had so much fun! By 7:30, I had gone back to my car (it's onstar calling that I have) and my daughter called me worried about where I was. She said that she called John looking for me. He never asked me to go out on Saturday night anyway! He then called the car phone and I said, "can I call you back." When I called him back - this morning and said Good Morning! He's like, I'll call you back and was really angry and hung up on me! What is that all about? Control? HELP!!! His behaviour is SO confusing! Edited February 3, 2008 by Audg1964 last sentence
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 When I say "I'll call you back" I try to do it within the hour, two at the most. Anything longer than that I think is being rude.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Hmm, something is up with you bf. However, it could be a temporary thing (his misdirection in attitude). Don't chase him, wait for him to call you..... post with any feelings you have instead of contacting him. We'll help you figure this one out.....
sedgwick Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 Anyone who loves you will absolutely wait and respect you. I'd say you could stand to loosen up a bit about having sex with your daughter in the house (after all, didn't you ever have sex with your PARENTS in the house?) She's old enough to understand that adults who are in a relationship sleep over at each other's places from time to time. But you don't need this guy around at all, if for any reason he's pushing your boundaries. You don't want your daughter to see you give in to that behavior. To me that sends her a far worse, more damaging message than your being sexually active.
marlena Posted February 4, 2008 Posted February 4, 2008 Hi, there. Not having sex while your daughter is home is non-negotiable. You are doing the right thing by your daughter, have no doubt. If he can't respect that, then, he is not a very nice person. There are tons of places two adults can go to to have sex. Doing it in your home right under your daughter's nose isn't one of them. As a mother, you have to provide a good and healthy role model. You have already had sex with him so it is normal that he should expect a continuation of this. But not in the pushy, disrespectful way he is doing it. If you still want to date him, you need to sit down and explain. Since you have already had sex with him, I don't see why you are witholding this from him now. I can understand where it may cause him some resentment. In a way, it is like game playing and adults do not do this sort of thing. If you really didn't want to take it to the physical level, you should have refrained from the start. What worries me is not his wanting to have sex again with you again which I find normal but his persistence to have it at your home while your daughter is at home. What would also not sit well with me is his wanting to have ONLY sex with you and nothing else as witnessed by his leaving instead of just enjoying your company, doing other fun things besides together. This would indicate to me that he is after one thing and one thing only. If you want more out of a relationship, I doubt whether this man is ready for more or more importantly if he merits more considering his behaviour. Marlena
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