reservoirdog1 Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Here's a thorny question for a Tuesday morning. It's something I'm contending with right now. GF and I have now lived together for 4 months. GF is gradually getting back into the workforce, but has a very modest income right now. I make quite a good salary, though far from a wealthy one. Because GF is not working much at the moment, we're living paycheque to paycheque. XW, on the other hand, has been in a relationship for a few years with a guy who's 20+ years older than her or me, and who has a sizeable net worth and annual income. I don't know XW's income at the moment, but it's not really relevant as we have an agreement between us to split kids' expenses down the middle, nobody pays child support or spousal support. XW wants D(10) to switch schools. One of the options she wants to consider is private school, at a cost of $12K per year. An extra $500 per month in expense isn't really in my and GF's budget right now. (GF's daughter is dyslexic, and there's some therapy she'd be receiving right now, but for the expense.) I've raised (very peripherally) with XW my financial concerns with respect to the private school option. XW's response was that if it was a problem, she'd pay for it. Which I have little doubt is within her financial means, but it still makes me feel crappy as I want to be able to contribute to my kids as well, but for now I can't swing that. GF feels that us spending extra $ on private school for my daughter would be unfair, since there are things for her daughter that would be beneficial but are out of reach. That's the background. My real question is, has anybody else had experience dealing with this kind of situation? How do you handle things when there's a considerable disparity between the financial resources of one ex-spouse's family and the other ex-spouse's family?
Arch Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 If your exwife is willing to pay for it all, and your child wants to go there I fail to see why you wont let your exwife just pay for it all.
quankanne Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 before making the switch to a private school, has your wife/you exhausted all trails of getting your child help for her learning disability? Here in the States, we've got learning programs (Sylvan) that you can enroll your child to receive help, though that's an out of pocket expense. what about the school district? Sure they've got a program where tutors can help kids who need the extra learning skills to conquer what ails them?
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 What is your financial arrangement with your GF? It's not clear to me why she has any voice in this matter, nor why what you contribute for your child should be balanced against what she provides for her child. I think you and your GF need to find a way to equitably split the expenses you share, while leaving each you individually responsible for finances related to your child. If your daughter will benefit from this private school, then either contribute what you can or let XW pay for it. But do square things away with your GF, or this issue will continue to be raised and ultimately become a sore spot.
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 GF feels that us spending extra $ on private school for my daughter would be unfair, since there are things for her daughter that would be beneficial but are out of reach Where is your gf's ex and why isn't he involved in paying $$ for his daughter? I am not sure if it's fair for you, after only 4 months of living with your gf to pay her child's expenses for extra help. It isn't fair of your gf to get involved, I mean, does your daughter think of her as stepmom and does gf's daughter think of you as stepdad?
dropdeadlegs Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 If your ex can pay and is fine with that I would let her pay for now. Private school is an option, not a requirement, for an education. Think of it as you not being a part of the solution because you didn't have any say in the solution. I mean I didn't hear YOU say that you think private school is a necessity or within your means, yet your ex is considering it. You can still contribute in the ways you have been and is within your means. I honestly think your child's situation has nothing to do with your GF's child's needs. While it is nice that you (assumingly) contribute to their expenses, her child's expenses are truly the responsibility of the child's parents, and not her mother's BF's (your) obligation. Blended families are sticky situations at times and financial understandings should be set and agreed to quickly. I am a huge advocate of partners maintaining separate finances when children are "blended." That doesn't mean that household expenses must be split down the middle, but child expenses should be kept separate from any co-mingled funds IMO. It just seems to eliminate problems in the long run.
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