im getting tired

January 29, 2008

Im getting tired of guessing and wondering and ughhh just tired.

I posted about how my SO changed the way he talks to me online. How he acts perfectly sweet and even in love in person but when we're not with each other is like...whatever.

I got responses as to how normal that is and how i shouldnt worry. But its very irritating.

Last nite we had a long chat online (this only happens when the topic of sex is involved somehow). I was in a good mood just kinda flirtatious and we started joking about him luring me into his cave or something like that. He then answer "why would i lure you? you're luring yourself". It kinda felt like a bit of a slap, but seeing as how we were joking i shrug it off. Anyway somehow the topic of how some people want sex every day came up. He said that was too much, that it'd be 800 times in 2 years. I laughed it off and continued being playful but his mood totally changed

Then out of nowhere he says "you need to relax". Mind you during the conversation I was being playful so that took me by suprise. I asked him what he meant and he said I sounded hyper and needed to go to sleep. (He was the one who aimed me btw...)

I was a bit taken aback, but then somehow he started talking about my career. About how i would have to treat a lot of sexual issues and how my personal life would inevitably come to mind during my sessions. I told him that my experiences would help me sympathize but they shouldnt govern how i try to help others. Anyhow, i thought we were agreeing on it and he understood what i was saying, then he says "well i dont know, i just think you shouldnt bring up your personal life in your sessions. It would get messy" :confused:

Im like "uhhh yeah thats what ive been saying...that i can only use my personal experience to sympathize" and he just said "yeah"

By that time i was tired so just wanted to sign off with a positive note. I said good nite baby and send him a kiss thinking he would at least say "good nite baby". HIs response was "nite".

I dont know just sort of felt he kinda blew me off. Sort of the equivalent of being in person, me trying to give him a kiss and him turning his face away. I sent him a sad face and say, ok nite. He sent a question mark and asked why the sad face. I said "no kiss, nothing...fine! be like that punk!" (jokingly) he then added "kiss kiss"

I know im being a bit...irrational about it. This is for lack of bigger issues in the relationship really. But it does bother me.

Im wondering if i need to back off. Just dont aim him, or be so ready to go see him when he asks me. Just seems like he is taking me for granted a bit ("why would i lure you? you're luring yourself").

At one point last nite he said "fine, when can i see you" like he was doing me a favor. We made sorta plans to see each other tonight but im not sure i should go anymore. What do you guys think?

January 29, 2008

It sounds to me like he is feeling self conscious about sexual issues. Maybe he doesn't understand that what you meant was that you wouldn't talk about your personal sexual issues with clients-you said you would use them to empathize but maybe he thinks using them means talking about them?

I don't think you should play games or anything-communication during difficult times is crucial.

January 29, 2008

Being a guy... I have seen online courses on how to seduce women...

If you want to see what I'm talking about, google "double your dating" and "speed seduction"

These courses advocate the kind of game your so called boyfriend is running on you...

The lines he's using I have heard on advice letters that I've received from these guys...

The goal is to make the woman think she wants the guy... They also believe that if you keep a woman disturbed, off balanced, and guessing... she will jump through hoops for you...

Unfortunately this stuff DOES WORK on a lot of women...

January 29, 2008

This is what I've learned: If you think that you're coming across as needy, if you think you're demonstrating to him that you're more into the relationship than he is, if you think you're asking for attention instead of voluntarily getting it from him, if you think you're being needy...you probably are.

His "luring" comment meant that he doesn't have to work for your attention, he's already got it, and he knows it.

Does he know that you have a life beyond him? Do you talk about going out with your friends? How excited you are about your career? Your hobbies? All of the other things you enjoy that don't involve him?

If you feel like he's blowing you off or less invested, you should discuss this with him - but at the right time and place... in person, if possible, and at the very least, on the phone so that you can hear his voice. Explain how you feel.

January 29, 2008

If some guy said that to me (about the luring), I would be out of there. He knows he's got you where he wants you, you chasing him, and furthermore, he almost sounds irritated by it!

He kind of sounds like a jerk with insecurities. What's up with putting the cap on the frequency of your sexual encounters right out the gate? Women are often capable of having multiple orgasms & so forth daily, and when you hit your early thirties you might feel much like a guy did when they were 17 or 18.

I have a really high libido, so I am not really into boyfriends or dating partners trying to set boundries at the beginning or middle of the relationship as to how much sex is acceptable on any given week or month.

Unless they are announcing that we should do it several times a day (ha Ha!)

Can you be spontaneous when you are assigned to Mon. Wed. Friday, and every other Sunday? Let me tell you, nothing sux more than trying to get frisky with your partner in the morning, while the other half of your brain is tripping on if you are going to get rejected because after all, you had sex night before.

This decision should be made as a couple, with hopefully some common ground found if there is a considerable disparity with how much sex one partner wants versus the other.

Are you working towards a career in counseling with a slant on physical/sexual abuse? Good for you. That sounds exciting. You should feel great about that, and proud of yourself for that. You shouldn't be with some guy thats going to trip on that & try and make you feel strange about your chosen line of work.

And furthermore, when you have completed your education/training, and have started your own practice, can I please have your number?...lol.

January 29, 2008