Resisting the temptation

[morelaugh]

I’ve read countless threads on LS and I still don’t understand.

 

I learnt that women are genetically programmed to want to settle with one man and men subconsciously want to impregnate as many women as they can. That seems to be general concessus.

 

I’m wondering how women manage to build a relationship with someone, knowing they will be tempted with other women all the time, knowing they will have to resist that temptation every day, for the rest of their lives.

 

Even if they manage to do that and never actually sleep with anyone else – can you imagine how much energy went into simply resisting the temptation?

 

Honestly, jealousy aside, how can you impose such expectation on someone you love?

 

I’m not tempted by other men – does that mean that being monogamous is easier for me? If women are ‘pre-programmed’ to only want one man, that means being faithful is much easier to them.

 

And how come women cheat as often as men, then?

[niifawm]

I’ve read countless threads on LS and I still don’t understand.

 

I learnt that women are genetically programmed to want to settle with one man and men subconsciously want to impregnate as many women as they can. That seems to be general concessus.

 

I’m wondering how women manage to build a relationship with someone, knowing they will be tempted with other women all the time, knowing they will have to resist that temptation every day, for the rest of their lives.

 

Even if they manage to do that and never actually sleep with anyone else – can you imagine how much energy went into simply resisting the temptation?

 

Honestly, jealousy aside, how can you impose such expectation on someone you love?

 

I’m not tempted by other men – does that mean that being monogamous is easier for me? If women are ‘pre-programmed’ to only want one man, that means being faithful is much easier to them.

 

And how come women cheat as often as men, then?

Hi,

 

Being a man, I can't comment on the women part here but would like to comment on your thinking about men.

 

Not all men are polygamy at one point of time. I am deeply involved with a girl who is already in a relationship still I never looked at any other women with intentions since I came to know her. I know that I won't be able to get her but still I don't know it just happens and don't like any other girl.

[BlueEyedGirl]

You can always get one of those pu#$y whipped doormaty men, they are very unlikely to cheat.

[morelaugh]

Hi,

 

Being a man, I can't comment on the women part here but would like to comment on your thinking about men.

 

Not all men are polygamy at one point of time. I am deeply involved with a girl who is already in a relationship still I never looked at any other women with intentions since I came to know her. I know that I won't be able to get her but still I don't know it just happens and don't like any other girl.

It’s interesting to know it happens to men too.

You don’t mind me asking how long have you being feeling that way?

You can always get one of those pu#$y whipped doormaty men, they are very unlikely to cheat.

What is your point?

Are you saying you are happy to be with a cheating man?

[niifawm]

It’s interesting to know it happens to men too.

You don’t mind me asking how long have you being feeling that way?

 

What is your point?

Are you saying you are happy to be with a cheating man?

I know that gal for over six months but I an feeling like that since I really started knowing her. Rest details you can find in thread started by me.

[stillafool]

I learnt that women are genetically programmed to want to settle with one man and men subconsciously want to impregnate as many women as they can. That seems to be general concessus.

 

I don't think women are genetically programmed to want to settle with one man. I think they fall in love with a person and want to commit and do right by them. Society expects us to want to settle with one man.

 

I’m wondering how women manage to build a relationship with someone, knowing they will be tempted with other women all the time, knowing they will have to resist that temptation every day, for the rest of their lives.

 

I think we women are the ones who are tempted more than men. We get hit on more than men do. How do you think men feel?

 

Even if they manage to do that and never actually sleep with anyone else – can you imagine how much energy went into simply resisting the temptation?

 

Honestly, jealousy aside, how can you impose such expectation on someone you love?

 

I’m not tempted by other men – does that mean that being monogamous is easier for me? If women are ‘pre-programmed’ to only want one man, that means being faithful is much easier to them.

 

Just because you aren't tempted does not mean other women aren't.

 

And how come women cheat as often as men, then?

 

Because they are tempted as men are and act upon it. I think if you love a person stop worrying about things you have no control over. Just love them and do your best by them.

[blackbird]

I don't know, really. My fiance has been straightforward with me that, as a male, he constantly has a primal desire for other women/variety in sexual partners (see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect), and that he can't help having that desire, that it's just an innate male thing. However, he assures me that he can control such desires and resist the temptation, and I do believe him. Still, as you said, it's not exactly a comforting thought that he is constantly having to struggle with such temptation and suppress his desires. Especially when I'm not tempted by sex with other men in the same way. Sure, I find other guys attractive, but as long as I'm being fulfilled at home, I don't have strong urges I have to control. But it doesn't matter how good I give it at home, he'll still be tempted.

 

I suppose one could also see it the other way, that it's a struggle he is undertaking in part for my sake (though for his own sake also -- he doesn't want to be a slave to his primal baby-making urges), and that it shows his love for me, but somehow I find it rather depressing. Not that it does any good to get depressed about it, since he can't help it and he's doing the best he can under the circumstances. Perhaps it's just an unrealistic ego/pride thing on my part.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I have been cheat free for years (18 years) however, now I am starting to like the attention I get from other men. Don't know why - maybe because H has not given me attention in a long time.

 

I've learned to never say never.....

[a4a]

Women are just as apt to select/desire a "healthier" mate as men are.

 

But women don't base it on looks alone.

 

Example: Male spouse is a dud, has crappy job, doesn't provide stimulus - new exciting guy comes along with great job, he is fun, and may not be gorgeous....... but he is a better potential mate.

[Zolie]

I’m not tempted by other men – does that mean that being monogamous is easier for me? If women are ‘pre-programmed’ to only want one man, that means being faithful is much easier to them.

 

And how come women cheat as often as men, then?

 

We women are indeed pre-programmed to want one man, as you said. IMO, that means one man at a time. And with that, comes a need to be cherished, desired, paid attention to, loved, etc, by that one man we have chosen. If those innate needs are not met for a woman, we often lose the desire for that one man we chose, and we move on to chose another one.

 

It is my express opinion that when a woman cheats on her husband or SO, she has already emotionally left the relationship, even if she hasn't physically left it. Something has caused her to lose the level of love she once felt, so her heart is free to fall in love with the next one.

 

Men, on the other hand, can and do love two women at once. I don't pretend to be able to speak for men, but from what I have read over the years, this is most often the case.

 

All my opinion, of course.

[annieo]

I think a lot of this has to do with what we tell ourselves, and how we are programmed by society to act. For a very long time, men have been hearing about how they have stronger sexual urges, and that it's very hard to control them. Well, tell yourself that enough times and PRESTO! it's true. Classic self-fulfilling prophecy. Plus, then there is the built-in excuse for being unfaithful - "it's not my fault, babe, I'm a guy. I have these uncontrollable urges".

 

Women hear the opposite script ("I don't really want sex, I want a cuddle, babies, a nice house") which is also not true for all women all the time.

And who are these guys with urges sleeping with anyway? Women with urges! But women with uncontrollable urges aren't "nice", there are a lot of very nasty names for girls like that. So we try to be good or we hide our motives under false pretenses.

 

By the way, in the past (medieval times in Europe, for example) it was women who were thought to be the sexually voracious gender, not men. Men were thought to be innately stronger, able to fight temptation (Adam and Eve, anyone?). Have men and women's biology changed in the last few hundred years? More likely that the societal script has changed.

[Meaplus3]

I’ve read countless threads on LS and I still don’t understand.

 

I learnt that women are genetically programmed to want to settle with one man and men subconsciously want to impregnate as many women as they can. That seems to be general concessus.

 

I’m wondering how women manage to build a relationship with someone, knowing they will be tempted with other women all the time, knowing they will have to resist that temptation every day, for the rest of their lives.

 

Even if they manage to do that and never actually sleep with anyone else – can you imagine how much energy went into simply resisting the temptation?

 

Honestly, jealousy aside, how can you impose such expectation on someone you love?

 

I’m not tempted by other men – does that mean that being monogamous is easier for me? If women are ‘pre-programmed’ to only want one man, that means being faithful is much easier to them.

 

And how come women cheat as often as men, then?

 

Hi more, You say your not tempted by other men? So I am going to conclude that your in a healthy well balanced "R" at this time. Correct me if I'm wrong.

 

While this is strictly my own opinion based on my own "R" exp,I think that if you are getting what you need from any "R," meaning it's well balanced then...really there should be NO real temptation to cheat. I remember back to one point in time long ago when my marriage was very balanced and I was very happy..never at that point in time would I even considered the possibility of an ea or pa.

 

As to why woman cheat as often as men? Because we are human too! Not that it's right but it's true!

 

 

AP:)

[stillafool]

As to why woman cheat as often as men? Because we are human too! Not that it's right but it's true!

AP:)

 

Yes it is true that we are indeed as human as men. I don't care what any study conducted and paid for by men say, women can love more than one man also. I've known plenty of women (including myself at one point) who have. As far as this nonsense about men needing more 'visual stimulation' - I do too. I don't want to look at a slob either.

[Woggle]

Women cheat just as much as men and for the same reasons so I wish women would quit with this all men are dogs crap that they talk. The only difference is that women make more excuses and tend to have a much bigger entitlement mentality about it than men do.

[stillafool]

And it would also be nice if women didn't use alcohol as an excuse. I'm so tired of hearing that one.

[Cad Rake]

I’m wondering how women manage to build a relationship with someone, knowing they will be tempted with other women all the time, knowing they will have to resist that temptation every day, for the rest of their lives.

 

Easy, women lie to themselves. Women are experts at lying to themselves. They all pretend that "their man" is one in 1 million who isn't like this. And if the guy is smart, he doesn't tell them the truth.

 

And how come women cheat as often as men, then?

 

Well that's begging the question. In all likelihood women DON'T cheat as much as men. They simply don't get the Darwinian benefit that men do from cheating, so, ipso facto they probably don't cheat as much.

 

Women, again, love to lie to themselves and say "WELL, women are just as good as men. We can pee just as far, earn just as much money and by god we're equal in the number of times we cheat, too!" Whatever. It just ain't the case.

[Cobra_X30]

Well that's begging the question. In all likelihood women DON'T cheat as much as men. They simply don't get the Darwinian benefit that men do from cheating, so, ipso facto they probably don't cheat as much.

 

Women, again, love to lie to themselves and say "WELL, women are just as good as men. We can pee just as far, earn just as much money and by god we're equal in the number of times we cheat, too!" Whatever. It just ain't the case.

 

Cad, Shhhhhhhh!

 

On behalf of all men, please stop talking!

 

Don't talk about guy secrets in an open forum like this!

[Nevermind]

Women, again, love to lie to themselves and say "WELL, women are just as good as men. We can pee just as far, earn just as much money and by god we're equal in the number of times we cheat, too!" Whatever. It just ain't the case.

 

So, women are not as good as men?

[Woggle]

Women are not much different than men but I wish they would stop blaming everybody else when they do wrong. It is not the man's fault if a woman can't be faithful.

[Mustang Sally]

I agree with what Zolie said, above, that women may be more inclined, in general, to want only one mate at a time.

 

I certainly wouldn't encourage anyone to assume that women are incapable of wanting a different mate than the one they may currently have, however. That would be a ridiculous assumption and possibly seen as license to take one's spouse for granted - a potentially fatal (to a LTR) mistake.

[stillafool]

Easy, women lie to themselves. Women are experts at lying to themselves. They all pretend that "their man" is one in 1 million who isn't like this. And if the guy is smart, he doesn't tell them the truth.

 

I have to agree with you on this one.

 

Well that's begging the question. In all likelihood women DON'T cheat as much as men. They simply don't get the Darwinian benefit that men do from cheating, so, ipso facto they probably don't cheat as much.

 

You don't have a clue how women feel and what they get out of cheating. You are a man.

 

Women, again, love to lie to themselves and say "WELL, women are just as good as men. We can pee just as far, earn just as much money and by god we're equal in the number of times we cheat, too!" Whatever. It just ain't the case.

 

Women usually do engage in pissing contests. That's for little boys to do. I don't think any woman who cheats would brag about it, like most players they would keep that to themselves. However if you don't think women cheat as much as men you haven't read much of LS. Plus, who do you think the cheating men are cheating with? Women are usually better at it because they don't often get caught and are never too tired to still have sex with their SO.

[Spoonandfork22]

im going to go ahead and disagree that only men are like this. That is a huge generalization. I have probably three or four girlfriends that for the past 4 or 5 years have NEVER SETTLED DOWN. Now, thats not to say they didnt have bf's, but while they had bf's, they were looking for the next best thing. My roomate currently is shopping around, like she has been for over a year. She has no intention of settling any time soon and neither do my other gf's. So to say that only men have this 'problem' is ridiculous. I know plenty of women who eat up all that attention from men and use it to their advantage. Their motto: take it while we can get it.

 

That being said, I also dont believe all men find it hard to have a gf or get married or be in a committed relationship. Theres always going to be an attraction to someone else, this happens every 10 seconds you are out in public. Im a woman, I check out men, it happens. My bf tells me if he thinks women are attractive. It doesnt bother me, this is normal.

 

I dont think one is 'asking too much of a person' to ask them to be monogomous. If you cant find someone who will love only you and be committed to only you then think about the type of men you are going after. Most have some red flags in the beginning of the relationship.

 

I think there are many men on this forum as well who can and will say that they are in relationships for the long haul, or married for the long haul, with no intention of 'straying'.

 

 

I would also like to add that women cheat just as much as men, if not more. We just dont feel the need to brag about it and we also dont do it with our bf's friends or neighbors or people our bf talks to. (no offense guys but you arent really that good in the department of cheating when it comes to keeping it a secret) If you look into recent studies being done its the women who are outnumbering the men when it comes to straying.

Edited February 1, 2008 by Spoonandfork22

[Mustang Sally]

I would also like to add that women cheat just as much as men, if not more. We just dont feel the need to brag about it and we also dont do it with our bf's friends or neighbors or people our bf talks to. (no offense guys but you arent really that good in the department of cheating when it comes to keeping it a secret) If you look into recent studies being done its the women who are outnumbering the men when it comes to straying.

Interesting that you bring that up.

I read somewhere recently that women seem to be better at the deception involved with an affair, also.

[Cobra_X30]

Interesting that you bring that up.

I read somewhere recently that women seem to be better at the deception involved with an affair, also.

 

Or... maybe men have a tendency to be more trusting?

 

There are too many ways to read that data to make a solid conclusion.

 

Did that article you read imply that women are better liars than men?

[Mustang Sally]

Or... maybe men have a tendency to be more trusting?

 

There are too many ways to read that data to make a solid conclusion.

Good points.

Of course, you are right. It is difficult to interpret such data. How can you even collect such data in a pristine way? Know what I mean? It's too subjective, I think...but oh well.

 

Did that article you read imply that women are better liars than men?

I think that is what the gist was. I think this is probably a reasonable generalization.