onmyownagain Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Hi, Having just split from a marriage of 12 years I see on these boards people splitting after a few weeks or a couple of years etc. Not even living together etc. and think how can they be suffering so much? I am not saying it is easy for you but surely it can't be as bad as a really long relationship? I can't really remember a time before we were together so this is all really new to me.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Mine was 9 years....I feel the same as you and start to think if age is a problem to start rebuilding life from scratch again... Hurts like a bit**!
Author onmyownagain Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Hi AAB, I am going to be forty this year and even though I am not even ready to start dating others, anyone I find attractive seems to have a wedding ring on. All the good ones are taken :-) PS. I am on the south coast but my childhood was in London.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I am contemplating leaving my 18 year marriage, and the not knowing hurts already. I can only imagine the separation that I will feel if I go ahead with it. The best thing is to tell yourself "short term misery or long term misery." Which one do you choose. IF you know you can find happiness at the end of one of these choices, than pick the one can has the hope of happiness. I know, all the good ones are married, but then again, maybe not. All you need is one good person! That can't be too much to ask, right?
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 The way I see it is that maybe all the good ones are not taken... Ill admit that I fell short in my relationship and so I lost what i had.... knowing this.....my ex is out there for some lucky a**... I just hope I better myself and have some luck finding somebodys loss:o But it will take time, and thats where the age comes in....youll probably laugh....im 31, but I know Im going to take a long time to recover from this heavy blow..... So from now till hen, and from when i meet someone till the time I know it is right, and have children and so on....ill start being a parent at 40....I wanted it sooner...like right now, but now its not possible anymore soooooo....
Author onmyownagain Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Well, I have got the parent bit out of the way, can't see me wanting to have another in the next feel years, was hard enough in my late twenties:-) Thirty one seems like ages ago for me, I have changed so much in the last 10 years, still used to go out clubbing etc. at your age so more scope to get laid. Not really interested in the pub/club scene these days, I always think would I want a relationship with a woman I find in a pub on a Wednesday night? Need to get more friends because I think most of the women I have had relationships with have been through friends.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Get out there. Many people to talk to at the grocery store, the cleaners - anywhere. Bars are ok for happy hour with friends, and you may meet someone there too. Everyplace is the perfect place to find the next person in your life. Just keep your eyes and options open.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I havent been interested in the pub/club scene in a long time also... I just feel misplaced right now....like everybody wants me to go out but Im really not feeling it yet. Who knows, maybe sometime soon.... Everyplace is the perfect place to find the next person in your life. Just keep your eyes and options open. -BLUE EYED BRAIN Ill try to open them when my eyes arent black and blue anymore.....maybe one can find somebody even here on Love Shack! lol
Author onmyownagain Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 I have spent most of my adult life either married or in relationships, don't really know who I am as a single person, but I am going to find out!
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Thats what Im hoping to get out of this also....and I hope its something good....me, myself and I.... Who am I really?, what do I want in life? and all those other questions.... Hope we all find something good out of these experiences...
car2007 Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I had a lot of pain to deal with when my 15 year marriage broke up. Anger, tears, yelling, it was rough. But things have gotten better and my ex and I are happier as partners in parenthood and with some financial issues than we were as husband and wife. Life really does go on. My current problem is with a much shorter relationship, about a year. I am more concerned about the hurt I will inflict when I tell her I can't go on in the relationship than worried about how I will handle it. I know its not at all the same as the pain of a very long term relationship, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
k10k Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 But it will take time, and thats where the age comes in....youll probably laugh....im 31, but I know Im going to take a long time to recover from this heavy blow..... So from now till hen, and from when i meet someone till the time I know it is right, and have children and so on....ill start being a parent at 40....I wanted it sooner...like right now, but now its not possible anymore soooooo.... In the same boat - I'm 32 and all my friends are married and at the stage of having kids - that's where I thought I was headed, but it seems the past 5 years have been a bit of a waste of time in that department, and now I have to start all over again.. arg.. the thought of having to go out there and "find the right person" all over again makes me feel a bit . But, as you guys say, this is also an opportunity for us to re-discover ourselves, which can be quite exciting and hopefully we'll be able to learn so much more about life from this experience.
catskeepmesane Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I ended a 9 year marriage 1 year ago and a few months later ended up in a relationship with a younger women (me 38, her 28). Thought I had it made but then came to discover the emotional maturity difference when it came to long term relationships and the whole give and take. Being single again, I want someone older in mid 30s but yes there are two problems - finding someone of my age and most importantly, trying to really work out who the hell I am again.
Issues & tissues Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 (edited) My BF of 10 years broke up with me earlier this month. Due to a series of unfortunate and sad circumstances, over the years he had gradually become more and more unbearable and was both controlling and abusive. The first few weeks of this month were rough...very rough. But every day I'm getting stronger and learning to let go a little bit each day. Today, I felt that something in my outlook changed. For the very first time in so many years I thought "I'm actually going to be OK!" Hang in there my friend. One morning you too will wake up and feel "everything's going to be just OK!" I know that we will learn to live a complete and happy life again. Sending lots of strength and healing vibes your way. I&T Edited January 29, 2008 by Issues & tissues
luther Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 My 10 year relationship just ended today, in fact im in the process of packing up my things atm. Thought I'd check out the boards to find some reassurance before I pack up the computer. Im also 31 and finding hard imagining myself being single. I thought I'd be married with at least 1 kid by now:( Ten years of my life gone, my entire 20's. I dont even know who I am without her and its breaking my heart that she'll no longer be in my life. I got laid off from work 2 weeks ago, Im 31, live in a small town and have to move back in with my dad. I have no idea what Im going to do. My life, if you can call it one is over
Author onmyownagain Posted August 24, 2008 Author Posted August 24, 2008 Hi, Having just split from a marriage of 12 years I see on these boards people splitting after a few weeks or a couple of years etc. Not even living together etc. and think how can they be suffering so much? I am not saying it is easy for you but surely it can't be as bad as a really long relationship? I can't really remember a time before we were together so this is all really new to me. Okay, I am the OP and I want to change this a bit now. Been dating again recently, quite a few but none of them really clicked. But met a lovely girl about three weeks ago and she was really great. Texted me this morning to say doesn't want to see me any more. Isn't anything like splitting from my marriage but it does bring its own pain and feeling or rejection. Oh well. Next!!!!
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