backspn Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 So my GF last week told me she wanted to slow things down, we've been going out for almost 3 months. She said she had very strong feelings for me and wanted to make sure this works. We started out really strong and were very affectionate from the beginning. Since the conversation, we have talked almost every night and we had our first date since then, last night. It was a very weird feeling on the date. We walked around holding hands and we were affectionate but no where near where we were on our 2nd date. I have no clue what is going on in her head. I have been thinking lately of talking with her about what we are doing and where she sees this going. Its very frustrating to be so close then not be. Tonight, the night after our date, nothing. No call, no text, nothing. Is this normal in dating? Should I wait it out? Im a strong person but not that patient. I could be blowing it out of proportion though, I have before.
oppath Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I don't know what to tell you other than you are right to perceive a change in behavior, affection, and attitude. How to respond to that change, I can't tell you. You can make lots of little mistakes in relationships and things work out just fine, but CONSISTENCY is important. If she's not consistent, then there is an issue. It's not fair to act one way and then more distant and evasive as it strips you from control. As an isolated incident, it's ok not to call. Especially if she's been calling you. You, however, are in the unfortunate position of giving her space, and you don't know what that means. I don't either. What I do know is that it is unhealthy for it to persist.
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I'm a little confused. You said 3 months, but it sounds like you've only been on 3 dates??
oppath Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I'm a little confused. You said 3 months, but it sounds like you've only been on 3 dates?? I think he means she was more affectionate on date 2 than she is now. In some ways that is not uncommon, however, it sucks hard when she's said "let's slow down" not to get that affection when you do see each other. It's more important to receive it.
Author backspn Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Yes Op. We have been on probably 25 dates in 3 months. Its hard to have affection, take it away then go back to dating like we never knew each other. Im re igniting old friends and going to start going out with them(guy friends) again. I need to take my mind off this. But the way I am....I tend to build up defenses after being hurt, and to be honest she did hurt me when telling me to slow down the romance. Its a 2 way street and she initiated alot of the affection as did I. Women do like attention and I have to find a balance of attention/affection and smothering. Would it be wise to only see her once a week and limit my contact with her to once a week also for now? She has to have the feeling of missing me right?
oppath Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 You haven't had sex with her, right? I'd tell her "I'm ready to move our relationship to a sexual level." What's going to happen here is you are going to feel unattractive and undesirable to her, yet since she'll want to see you once every 10 days, it will confuse the beejesus out of you. If you want more, she has to meet you halfway, and I'm not saying sex is that halfway point, but she needs to offer you something. You can't be stuck in a holding hands relationship for months. It either needs to move forward romantically and sexually or it needs to be reduced to a friendship. Holding hands with a woman you've gone on 25 dates with, who is not wanting to commit you, is not my idea of an adult relationship and I really don't see what is in it for you. I've been there. Going on date after date without a sexual component and without it progressing towards commitment. That's a horrible place to be and it will strip your self esteem because you will feel unattractive, like you aren't good enough for her. Sometimes you have to ask for what you want and if you don't get it, walk away.
Krytie TV Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 This sounds suspiciously like a precursor to an impending break up. I hope I'm wrong, but it just seems to fit the bill.
Author backspn Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 You haven't had sex with her, right? We did have sex
EYECANDY000 Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I would give her some time to decide on what it is that she really wants. 3 months isnt a very long time.. But if you have qquestions about the relationship dont hesistate to ask your mate
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