whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Woggle, obviously you haven't spoken to your wife about this yet? I honestly believe if you told her, she would settle your fears and worry's. Holding this back from her is not a good idea. She's your partner in life and supposed to HELP you. BUT, I also see (as I said before) you're stuck in this holding pattern as it's familiar and safe for you. You don't have to change anything, you get to hold onto your emotional baggage and let fears swoop out of control until everything explodes, hense the thread here now. What are you going to do to make your life better? When are you going to CONTROL "it" (fears) and not let "it" control you? When is your ENOUGH IS ENOUGH line going to hit when you take responsibility and want to work hard to get through this stuff so you can have a healthier marriage, and an all around healthier attitude about life?
Author Woggle Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Maybe I do need to speak to her about it but I need to do it in a nice way. I could tell her that with all the things many of the people I know are going through I want to know how we can keep our marriage from getting to that point. I really do want to make this work but being around too much misery and drama makes me panic.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 like i said, and was completely ignored the first time, get divorced. do her the favour.
jmargel Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Maybe I do need to speak to her about it but I need to do it in a nice way. I could tell her that with all the things many of the people I know are going through I want to know how we can keep our marriage from getting to that point. I really do want to make this work but being around too much misery and drama makes me panic. When you get these bad thoughts in your head, you need to force yourself to think positive. It's a conscious decision that you have to make at the time. You have to realize that you are having these thoughts and retrain your mind to think otherwise. Life is scary, there are no guarantees. There is no guarantee that you will be alive tomorrow. You can't worry about things beyond your control. Worrying will not do any good. We don't have the power to change some things. It's just the way it is. However what we can do is live in the NOW and do the best we can for us and our partner. Don't be afraid of death, don't be afraid of divorce. Instead use that fear and embrace the joy we have today. Take all of this and realize the true meaning of life and all the great things that come with it. YOU were born for a reason. YOU were born with a purpose on this planet. Find out what this is, and make the most of it. By you concentrating on such negativity it's preventing you from doing some wonderful and great things.
quankanne Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Maybe I do need to speak to her about it but I need to do it in a nice way. I could tell her that with all the things many of the people I know are going through I want to know how we can keep our marriage from getting to that point. I really do want to make this work but being around too much misery and drama makes me panic. that would be a good conversation to have – she'll see that you are truly interested in making the marriage work, and you'll come to realize that you can trust her. But you're going to need to do more than just talk about what you *need* to do and just *do* it, you know? like I've said before, there are some fantastic ways to enrich your marriage. It won't make the relationship fail-proof, but it will go a long way in helping you establish a healthy way of living that relationship and could be what keeps you from automatically chucking it in ...
stampdaddy Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I preach non-stop to the kids I coach football to: "If you are afraid of getting hurt, you WILL get hurt.." You HAVE to talk to her, get it out on the table and see what she has to say... She could say that she loves you to death, OR she could say she wants out.. either way, you would then know what was what and the anxiety would stop...
sb129 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I still feel sorry for all the single people on here who would do anything to have a wife as tolerant and beautiful as Woggles. Why does everyone keep indulging these threads?
Trimmer Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Wog - I think you are a relationship hypochondriac. Looking at the risk of catching a disease, and inflating it out of proportion - and I do believe that your perceptions have grown out of proportion with reality. You want a guarantee that you won't catch a disease. That is not it. This is my place to vent and get things off my chest. It is better than therapy because after I make these threads I usually feel better. But you will eventually wear us out. I know I don't know how many times I can keep it up. Relative to therapy and counseling, you commented that you wouldn't trust someone you had to pay to pretend they care about you (quote on request...) "Caring about you" isn't a significantly important part of a therapist's contribution to your development, and it's not the point of going to therapy, by far. You pay the therapist to help guide you and by paying, you ensure that he/she won't give up on you... The irony is that I think people here do care about you (without being paid, you'll note) but are coming to believe, after earnestly participating in what seems like the same conversation pattern over and over again, that we have reached the end of what we can do to help you. You need to make a decision that you want to change, and seek out real help.. Don't fool yourself - we peel you off the ceiling every few months, but please, please, please, don't substitute this for getting real help and making real change. If anything, I fear that coming here and "feeling better" periodically may be convincing you that you don't need to get real help and make fundamental changes, and therefore may end up being a detriment in the long term.
Citizen Erased Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I was wondering when the next one of these threads would turn up. Print this thread, and any others in regards to your wife and give them to the therapist you say you are seeing. They will advise you on if you should show these constant freak outs to your wife. We can no longer help you. It is completely. It is always the same. You freak out, we give you some tough love and you have a sudden epiphany that she is the perfect woman etc. Until the next month anyway.
Lizzie60 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 your attitude is so negative that I have to advise you to divorce. I doubt you will ever be happy with your wife if you spend your life on all kinds of public forums... about infidelity, cheating...etc... etc... Stay away from these forums if they are making your life miserable... simple! You seem to like being a 'drama king' or having 'pity parties' on here. If you would spend as much time being attentive to your wife as you are reading all kinds of stuff about infidelity, on public forums... I think you'd be more happy. This is my honest opinion...
marlena Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Lizzie, You are a mind-reader. Woggle, Listen to Lizzie.
allina Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 What upsets me most about these posts is that if Woggle's marriage does fall apart it will be 100% due to HIS doubts and issues but he won't realize it. It his head he'll be like "see I knew it, women can't stay married blah blah blah" when in reality he is the one destroying it. It must be so terrifying to love him and to be married to him. No matter how perfect of a wife this poor woman is her husband thinks about leaving her on a regular basis based on something he saw or read
sb129 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 your attitude is so negative that I have to advise you to divorce. I doubt you will ever be happy with your wife if you spend your life on all kinds of public forums... about infidelity, cheating...etc... etc... Stay away from these forums if they are making your life miserable... simple! You seem to like being a 'drama king' or having 'pity parties' on here. If you would spend as much time being attentive to your wife as you are reading all kinds of stuff about infidelity, on public forums... I think you'd be more happy. This is my honest opinion... I absolutely agree with this Lizzie..... if something in my life stresses me out, and I can avoid it, I do. I am in a happy R, and LS doesn't convince me every three weeks that its doomed. If anything, it reinforces to me that my R is relatively normal! Woggle, you need to start looking at things from a different perspective. Desperately.
flavender Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I thought my marriage was like that until now. My wife bashes marriage all of a sudden. Other than disagreements, she has nothing else to complain about. Still not satified though. She probably won't realize the blessing until it is too late.
JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 How often are these threads occurring? Make note, because there may be a reason. Is it once a month?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) Let's see James, there was: "Wife doesn't understand my friendship" on January 9th "Friend is trying to sabotage my marriage" on December 9th "Red flags men should look out for" on November 11th "Some women are so thin skinned" on October 4th "Stop me before I do something stupid" on September 9th "Fantasizing about being a player" on August 5th I think you're on to something - I think Woggle is PMS'ing... Mr. Lucky Edited January 31, 2008 by Mr. Lucky
Pyro Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 How often are these threads occurring? Make note, because there may be a reason. Is it once a month? :lmao: You are very observant.
underpants Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Let's see James, there was: "Wife doesn't understand my friendship" on January 9th "Friend is trying to sabotage my marriage" on December 9th "Red flags men should look out for" on November 11th "Some women are so thin skinned" on October 4th "Stop me before I do something stupid" on September 9th "Fantasizing about being a player" on August 5th I think you're on to something - I think Woggle is PMS'ing... Mr. Lucky Wow, that is enlightening. Woggs we all have patterns or in some cases cycling. Recognizing it and identifying triggers or times is really a good thing.
Author Woggle Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 I am not pmsing. I am just having my doubts.
underpants Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I am not pmsing. I am just having my doubts. I was not suggesting that you are pmsing. Yet you do have a distinct pattern in your doubts. At least as far as posting is concerned. Learning about your own patterns of thoughts is enlightening and empowering. Don't be so quick to dismiss it. I can be a valuable tool to self knowledge. To identify parts of the puzzle is the key to solving it. Woggs, you wife sounds great. Heck, you sound pretty great yourself often. I do hope that things can work for you two. I have been dumped out of sheer fear before (more then once). It pains me to read what she might go through if you choose to let your fears over ride your love. A part of her heart might want to know how vunerable you feel about all of this. Yet, she alone cannot fix a wound so deep that she did not cause. For that you really should get a handle for you, for her, for the future. However, what do I know?
Letranger Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Woggs, why don't you try meditation. That has helped me greatly in the past. And I still think you should talk to a professional.
JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Actually, while I kind of hinted PMS, I was really serious that it could be cyclical. Men do have cycles as well. Years ago when I experienced depression and anxiety, certain events or certain times of the week/month seemed to kick it into full gear. If it is an event, then it could be when you go somewhere that triggers memories. It could be something your wife says that triggers memories. It could simply be some thread here that triggers those old fears all over again. It would help if you keep some sort of journal or list of what happens each day, and it may suddenly hit you that something actually triggers these fears. As silly as that may sound, I found that for me, there was a cyclical pattern to my insecurities and anxieties. And it was worse during the winter months. Since I am in Michigan, we have less sun then. Just a thought or two.
a4a Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Actually, while I kind of hinted PMS, I was really serious that it could be cyclical. Men do have cycles as well. Years ago when I experienced depression and anxiety, certain events or certain times of the week/month seemed to kick it into full gear. If it is an event, then it could be when you go somewhere that triggers memories. It could be something your wife says that triggers memories. It could simply be some thread here that triggers those old fears all over again. It would help if you keep some sort of journal or list of what happens each day, and it may suddenly hit you that something actually triggers these fears. As silly as that may sound, I found that for me, there was a cyclical pattern to my insecurities and anxieties. And it was worse during the winter months. Since I am in Michigan, we have less sun then. Just a thought or two. men do have a testosterone pattern...... higher and lower in some months of the year as well. google it yourself because I am too lazy to slap a link here.
Pyro Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 men do have a testosterone pattern...... higher and lower in some months of the year as well. google it yourself because I am too lazy to slap a link here. I bet you are always up for slapping other things though.
a4a Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I bet you are always up for slapping other things though. ummm.... ok.
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