I am considering divorce

[Mr. Lucky]

My misogyny gives me a spine.

Then use that spine to grow up and be a man. You imply things about your wife that, if said about my wife, would have us outside throwing punches (and my last fight was in 8th grade ). You denigrate her character, spirit, heart and soul. And yet you claim to be in love with her? If you really have a spine, tell her to her face what you post her with disturbing regularity - that you think that she is potentially a cheating, lying, backstabbing slut. That just might get you what you claim you want...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Pyro]

My wife is everything a man can want in a woman though it is strange how nobody scooped her up earlier and she decided to settle down with me. Sometimes I have no clue what she sees in me. If everybody around you is getting a disease it is hard not to be think you will get it eventually as well.

 

You should have a little more confidence in yourself then that.

 

Maybe she will hurt you and maybe she won't. That is a risk that you should be willing to take. Not every marriage ends in a bad way.

[a4a]

My wife is everything a man can want in a woman though it is strange how nobody scooped her up earlier and she decided to settle down with me. Sometimes I have no clue what she sees in me. If everybody around you is getting a disease it is hard not to be think you will get it eventually as well.

 

Who is everybody?

 

Maybe other guys didn't find her attractive? Maybe she wasn't interested in M? Now you are blaming her or thinking there is something wrong with her because she didn't marry some other guy first........

 

I know many people that have medical problems, I don't fret or go to boards to see if I have the symptoms.

 

You are obcessed with this because of your past issues never being resolved.

That is the truth, it has nothing to do with everybody else, or why your wife allowed you into her life.

 

It is much easier to blame all women than to really take a hard look at where this is stemming from.

[a4a]

woggle you don't feel worthy of your wife......... now what female role model in your life do you think that could have stemmed from?

[Mz. Pixie]

It's so obvious who you are.

 

 

:D:D

 

Ya think??

 

Back to Woggle. I think it's just that most of us regulars are just plain tired of hearing the same old thing from him.

 

We've given him advice about counseling, staying with his wife, really communicating with her but he just doesn't listen or take the advice to heart.

It's the same old thing- many women are this, many are that. We've told him to quit reading those posts that might bother him- quit talking to his friend that is trying to turn him against his wife. It just doesn't ever seem to happen.

 

He stays in the same mentality because it's comfortable to him and he feels it would be too damn hard to actually work on his issues.

[a4a]

:D:D

 

Ya think??

 

Back to Woggle. I think it's just that most of us regulars are just plain tired of hearing the same old thing from him.

 

We've given him advice about counseling, staying with his wife, really communicating with her but he just doesn't listen or take the advice to heart.

It's the same old thing- many women are this, many are that. We've told him to quit reading those posts that might bother him- quit talking to his friend that is trying to turn him against his wife. It just doesn't ever seem to happen.

 

He stays in the same mentality because it's comfortable to him and he feels it would be too damn hard to actually work on his issues.

 

The validation and the "high" that goes with reading those boards.

[Woggle]

It's not that I don't work on my issues but I am scared. If I could have assurance that she won't turn on me I would never leave her but I don't have that assurance. When you look at current trends do you honestly believe that my fears are unfounded? I just don't want to trust her 100% and then up looking like a sucker down the road.

[sandflea]

Woggle, there are no such guarantees in life. You have to take risks to get what you want.

 

You love your wife, she loves you. Who knows what the future brings, but for NOW, you should do your best, show your love for her openly, keep your cards on the table, and hope for the best.

 

If you continue to live in the moment, to keep your passion alive, to continue to cherish her and to COMMUNICATE with her, chances are things will work out fine.

 

Go home, tell her how much you love her, flash those pearly whites and get on with your life....

 

SF

[a4a]

It's not that I don't work on my issues but I am scared. If I could have assurance that she won't turn on me I would never leave her but I don't have that assurance. When you look at current trends do you honestly believe that my fears are unfounded? I just don't want to trust her 100% and then up looking like a sucker down the road.

 

good excuse..... blame your wife for your lack of spine.

[Woggle]

I am blaming current trends not my wife personally.

[a4a]

I am blaming current trends not my wife personally.

 

no you are blaming her as she is one of them (see stemming from mother = bad evil women = wife is woman therefore bad/evil)

If I could have assurance that she won't turn on me I would never leave her but I don't have that assurance.

 

It is an excuse not to deal with your problems. end of story.

 

you are going to leave her, so what is the difference if she or you do after letting her know about your issues..... you already know you M is over, your doing or hers - why not get something out of it then? Perhaps a chance for you to grow?

[Pyro]

I am blaming current trends not my wife personally.

 

There will always be divorce. There will always be cheating. So until both cheating and divorce go away you will never be happy? Is that what you are saying?

[Woggle]

There will always be divorce. There will always be cheating. So until both cheating and divorce go away you will never be happy? Is that what you are saying?

 

Of course there will always be divorce but in a day and age when women are turning on men in droves who is say it won't happen to me.

[Pyro]

Of course there will always be divorce but in a day and age when women are turning on men in droves who is say it won't happen to me.

 

and what proof do you have that its the women turning on the men? Ah yes that message board that you frequent so much. If I visited that message board I'm sure I would feel the same way. Get your head out of your arse and look at reality. Every marriage is different. Not every woman is out to get men.

[Pyro]

Of course there will always be divorce but in a day and age when women are turning on men in droves who is say it won't happen to me.

 

Be a man and take a risk.

[Woggle]

I see it around me all the time and I see it on this boad and others.

[Pyro]

I see it around me all the time and I see it on this boad and others.

 

What you see is not what happens to everyone.

 

Maybe you should move then.

 

Umm last time I checked, one of the purposes of this board is for people who are having problems with relationships.

 

Like I said, be a real man and take a risk.

[Pyro]

At this point Woggle, I am starting to think that you enjoy being a drama queen or you just crave attention. You have made numerous threads about this exact same subject, and instead of going back and reading those for your benefit, you create new ones.

 

For someone who claims that they have their sh*t together, you have a ways to go.

[a4a]

I see it around me all the time and I see it on this boad and others.

 

ok so the threat is real......

 

you are going to leave your wife because of it.

or she will dump you for no reason and steal your stereo.

 

so where is the risk in communicating with her..... why can you not tell her who you are?

 

M is over right?

No hope right?

she is evil right?

you need to leave right?

 

so tell her you have this issue....... what do you have to lose?

[Woggle]

At this point Woggle, I am starting to think that you enjoy being a drama queen or you just crave attention. You have made numerous threads about this exact same subject, and instead of going back and reading those for your benefit, you create new ones.

 

For someone who claims that they have their sh*t together, you have a ways to go.

 

That is not it. This is my place to vent and get things off my chest. It is better than therapy because after I make these threads I usually feel better.

[Pyro]

That is not it. This is my place to vent and get things off my chest. It is better than therapy because after I make these threads I usually feel better.

 

You feel better only temporarily. Therapy has a much better shot at making that feeling on a more permanent basis.

[Woggle]

I feel better after I post this but then I read other threads and I am back to square one.

[Pyro]

I feel better after I post this but then I read other threads and I am back to square one.

 

Judging by your posts on here, being on LS or any other message board does more harm then good for you. You should go back to therapy and stay off any message board like LS until you get better.

[whichwayisup]

I agree with pyro, we make you feel better in the moment, but later in the day, or tomorrow, it all comes back because you've not dealt with it in a proper way and let it go.

I know you're not happy doubting your wife's love and trust in you, let alone mistrusting basically the female population. .. BUT, it is your safety zone, it's what you know and are comfortable with. See below quote by you..YOU nailed it - Meaning, you know you're letting your fears ruin what you have with your wife. By letting that stuff get in the way and fill your head up with awful thoughts WILL ruin your marriage eventually. I can guarantee that! Sadly, if you don't take the bull by the horns and let go of the "I hate women" and "they're all out to screw me and any guy over" belief that you have, you will LOSE. Not because of anything that your wife has done, but you in the midst of creating the drama in your own head and allowing it to spill into your daily life.

 

It's not that I don't work on my issues but I am scared. If I could have assurance that she won't turn on me I would never leave her but I don't have that assurance. When you look at current trends do you honestly believe that my fears are unfounded? I just don't want to trust her 100% and then up looking like a sucker down the road.

 

But you DO have reassurance that she loves you NOW and wants to stay in the marriage, right?

 

Turn it around - Infact your thoughts of leaving your wife for no good reason except fighting with your own fears(nothing she's done wrong to you) is no guarantee that you will stay married to her! See what I'm getting at?

 

GO back to therapy, 2 days a week, learn those coping skills, and work through the fears and the feelings of being scared. You're an adult and have a responsibility to your wife! Stop using your past and what other people go through in life in their relationships make you freak out and doubt everything good (wife, marriage) in your life.

 

I am blaming current trends not my wife personally.

 

But she is suffering because of it. She isn't aware of it though, but in your mind your wife is already gone and buried. I think you've convinced yourself of that and nothing we say, or actually what your wife says, does will change that.

 

You're insecure and the way you are speaking reminds me of insecure women who think they're ugly or fat when infact they are not. All they see in the mirror is an ugly face and it doesn't matter how many times their boyfriends, friends or family tells them they're beautiful, they don't believe it.

[Micke81]

I think she would be way better off if you divorced her. But you do realize that YOU, the MAN, will be the one abandoning the marriage. Your reasons DO NOT matter.