My wife came over, and now i have no idea

[bigmanpayne]

 

Your family now must feel stupid because your the only responsible adult that is standing for your family. Have they apologized for their stupidity because if they havent you need to distance yourself from them as well.

 

You are on the right track. I feel your frustration.

 

The main reason I think your wife cant visit her kids is because she's guilty.

 

She knows she's done iireprehensible harm to her family. She has that burden to bear and seeing her kids only reinforces that on her sholders. So she figures they are better off because she feels that way.

 

 

Let her go, hit the gym, take care of the kids and find someone else.

 

It wasnt your choice to be where you are right now, but hey your making the best out of a crappy situation. Which is good.

 

You'll be fine. Just keep doing what your doing.

 

thanks. today was my kids first therapy treatment and it acutally wasn't that bad. i think it will really help them out.

 

i have no doubt she feels guilty. but after talking to her today, what really scares the hell out of me is that she absolutely 150% believes that this man she is now with is THE ONE. she believes that they have a real love that will not be broken. they have known each other for 5 months, messed around a total of 2. its scary. if it were true love would she still feel guilty? i find myself hoping thats what it is just to soften the blow a bit. in my heart i know this is just an exciting relationship where she can hide who she really is, and he doesn't have to know anything about her but when she talks about him and their relationship it kills me.

 

i call and leave a message saying "they closed school today, i need a babysitter" and both of them just ignore it. what kind of a man is that? that is the act of a man who loves her? he made a crack to me once that he was going to pick up his mother my kids' mother wasn't his problem. that is a man who loves her. hell, i have already posted about the other coward-like things he has done, it just makes me sick. is she clinically insane, or is it me? that stuff does make me think less of myself even though i am able to see the the truth (or at least what I think is the truth). i am venting again and typing faster than i ever have. i cant thank everyone enough for allowing me to vent. like i said previously, i can't wait to get some relief from this mess.

[Chrome Barracuda]

thanks. today was my kids first therapy treatment and it acutally wasn't that bad. i think it will really help them out.

 

i have no doubt she feels guilty. but after talking to her today, what really scares the hell out of me is that she absolutely 150% believes that this man she is now with is THE ONE. she believes that they have a real love that will not be broken. they have known each other for 5 months, messed around a total of 2. its scary. if it were true love would she still feel guilty? i find myself hoping thats what it is just to soften the blow a bit. in my heart i know this is just an exciting relationship where she can hide who she really is, and he doesn't have to know anything about her but when she talks about him and their relationship it kills me.

 

i call and leave a message saying "they closed school today, i need a babysitter" and both of them just ignore it. what kind of a man is that? that is the act of a man who loves her? he made a crack to me once that he was going to pick up his mother my kids' mother wasn't his problem. that is a man who loves her. hell, i have already posted about the other coward-like things he has done, it just makes me sick. is she clinically insane, or is it me? that stuff does make me think less of myself even though i am able to see the the truth (or at least what I think is the truth). i am venting again and typing faster than i ever have. i cant thank everyone enough for allowing me to vent. like i said previously, i can't wait to get some relief from this mess.

 

 

Wayward spouses always believe their affair partners are the one, they dont want to face their stupid decisions blowing up in their faces. They know deep inside that what they doing is wrong. The man she picked is a projection of how she is on her insides. It is a reflection of how she deals with the world. Remember women choose the men they be with. She made a choice to have this affair. She could have stopped it but she continued.

 

And trust me 5 months between affair partners is no real affari. She thinks he's her soulmate but what happens when he get's tired of her BS and cheats on her. All that no sex rule is garbage. He's a man either he's gay, asexual or is actively cheating and she cant accept that.

 

But right now that isnt your problem, that's his problem he wanted her so badly let him have her. She'll make his life hell because misery loves company. lol, bottom line.

 

Dont call her about the kids unless it's an emergency. I mean it. No babysitting or no dues , nothing!!!

 

Exhale man, the calm is coming. Just dont even think about her or what she's doing.

 

No more calls. Pretend like she doesnt exist. When she does call, if she calls just ask like who is this. Dont even recognize her voice. If she doesnt make the steps to ask about her kids, F-her and the OM!!!!

 

They aint worth your breath or your pity. As far as your concerned their dead in your eyes!!!

[jmargel]

You mentioned you were seperated 5 years ago and got full custody then. Why? Usually that only happens if the mother is seen as unfit. If that's the case then this is something that has been going on for years. With her condition, maybe it's a blessing that she doesn't have contact with her children.

 

You can't save her, you can't help her. One day she will find herself alone, truly alone. Only then will she come to the conclusion that she really needs help. However you and your children need to move on. You need to start getting her out of your life both physically, mentally and emotionally. My feeling is when this affair crashes down around her, she will be trying to slink back home. Don't let her. Protect yourself and your children.

[CaliGuy]

thanks. today was my kids first therapy treatment and it acutally wasn't that bad. i think it will really help them out.

 

i have no doubt she feels guilty. but after talking to her today, what really scares the hell out of me is that she absolutely 150% believes that this man she is now with is THE ONE. she believes that they have a real love that will not be broken. they have known each other for 5 months, messed around a total of 2. its scary. if it were true love would she still feel guilty? i find myself hoping thats what it is just to soften the blow a bit. in my heart i know this is just an exciting relationship where she can hide who she really is, and he doesn't have to know anything about her but when she talks about him and their relationship it kills me.

 

i call and leave a message saying "they closed school today, i need a babysitter" and both of them just ignore it. what kind of a man is that? that is the act of a man who loves her? he made a crack to me once that he was going to pick up his mother my kids' mother wasn't his problem. that is a man who loves her. hell, i have already posted about the other coward-like things he has done, it just makes me sick. is she clinically insane, or is it me? that stuff does make me think less of myself even though i am able to see the the truth (or at least what I think is the truth). i am venting again and typing faster than i ever have. i cant thank everyone enough for allowing me to vent. like i said previously, i can't wait to get some relief from this mess.

 

 

Not to downplay your hurt my friend, but reading what you have said so far, you really should be THANKING THE GOOD LORD that you are starting to see this woman for who she really is. I am sure the red flags were there from day one and you just didn't care to see them (happens to all of us).

 

But in my opinion, you are waaaaaaay better off without her in your life. In fact, the sooner you get this woman out of your life, the sooner the RIGHT woman can walk into it.

 

Why would you want to delay that? Set YOURSELF free from this woman. She is not the kind of woman you should feel remorse over losing. She's the kind of woman you should be getting down on your knees and thanking God that He showed you the light.

 

Cheers.

[bigmanpayne]

You mentioned you were seperated 5 years ago and got full custody then. Why? Usually that only happens if the mother is seen as unfit. If that's the case then this is something that has been going on for years. With her condition, maybe it's a blessing that she doesn't have contact with her children.

 

You can't save her, you can't help her. One day she will find herself alone, truly alone. Only then will she come to the conclusion that she really needs help. However you and your children need to move on. You need to start getting her out of your life both physically, mentally and emotionally. My feeling is when this affair crashes down around her, she will be trying to slink back home. Don't let her. Protect yourself and your children.

 

 

she just signed them away, thats how i got custody. she was going to lose them because at the time she had left them and we didnt know where she was for about 10 days. after she came back, she took them from the home and i didn't know where they were for a week. with those 2 situations plus other factors staring her in the face, she just signed instead of going through the motions. she had an affair back then which led to the seperation. she actually did the same thing she is doing now, but this time is worse. she left, thought she was with the man of her dreams, he dumped her and she came back. i didnt know everything that had happened at the time. i knew she was cheating, i knew she left me and the kids, and about 10 days later she showed back up at the front door saying she was sorry - blah, blah, blah. so much clarity for me now looking back at that situation.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Wel payne no you know what you have to do.

 

Get rid of her forever.

 

she isnt cut out to be in your life. Matter of fact has she signed her rights over? Completely?

[jmargel]

And back then after she came back I bet she never went to counseling, never got the help she needed. History repeats itself when you fail to do something about it.

 

It's a vicious circle that will happen again if you allow her to come back after this affair fails as well. You MUST protect your children from her. They only have you now. Though it's a huge responsibility we you know can do it. The burdens that you can't carry, let God carry on his shoulders.

 

It's time to start living life happily. I don't think you know quite what that is, to be honest since you and your children have been put through so much. Like CaliGuy said, if you were to take her back you will not only be harming yourself and your children, but preventing yourself and your children from being happy again, and the good chance of finding not only a great woman, but a great woman that will accept and love your children.

 

Your wife was an egg-carrier, not a mother.

[bigmanpayne]

Wayward spouses always believe their affair partners are the one, they dont want to face their stupid decisions blowing up in their faces. They know deep inside that what they doing is wrong. The man she picked is a projection of how she is on her insides. It is a reflection of how she deals with the world.

 

And trust me 5 months between affair partners is no real affari. She thinks he's her soulmate but what happens when he get's tired of her BS and cheats on her. All that no sex rule is garbage. He's a man either he's gay, asexual or is actively cheating and she cant accept that.

 

But right now that isnt your problem, that's his problem he wanted her so badly let him have her. She'll make his life hell because misery loves company. lol, bottom line.

 

 

I started a new thread in a diff. place because i am dont know about their sexual relationship. i know they arent doing anything sexually, but i dont know why. i am 100% sure that they arent though.

[bigmanpayne]

And back then after she came back I bet she never went to counseling, never got the help she needed. History repeats itself when you fail to do something about it.

 

It's a vicious circle that will happen again if you allow her to come back after this affair fails as well. You MUST protect your children from her. They only have you now. Though it's a huge responsibility we you know can do it. The burdens that you can't carry, let God carry on his shoulders.

 

It's time to start living life happily. I don't think you know quite what that is, to be honest since you and your children have been put through so much. Like CaliGuy said, if you were to take her back you will not only be harming yourself and your children, but preventing yourself and your children from being happy again, and the good chance of finding not only a great woman, but a great woman that will accept and love your children.

 

Your wife was an egg-carrier, not a mother.

 

i was too young and didnt even think about counseling. where we come from, counseling is a bad word. means you are crazy. i have since grown up, but as you know, she hasn't. she is not coming back. well, unless she goes to therapy for a while (12-18 months) apologizes vigorously to me and my family, lives at her mother's without getting into any other relationships, and helps my kids recover from this situation and establishes a great relationship with them. none of this will EVER happen, so we are done. the divorce has been started, and i am working hard to keep my mind occupied and to move on.

[millergirl]

You are a wonderful person, that is all I can say. Hang in there! It gets better and your children will be so happy that YOU were the one that ended up with them in the long run. I can't even imagine a woman wanting to let go of her children like that, totally blows my mind. I have children and they are my world. Sounds like she has chosen a man over her children, that is just so wrong on so many levels. Keep up your strength, you will need it for the months ahead, you are doing the right thing! Stick to your guns. BTW, it is okay to toot your horn about what a great Father you are. That's a great thing! Something to be proud of. This is such a sad situation I feel for you, truly....