emalkoc Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) I just want to get a quick idea..I think I know the answer (rebound), but some validation from the forum.. My ex and were together 2.5 yrs, broke up 6 mos ago. we were very much in love and everyone thought we loved each other as well. She lived in with me last 6 mos. Things were rocky but we were marching towards marriage. After we had our last fight, she wanted to end it because she thought that things are not working out for her, it is better to leave even though she loves me very much...For last 8 mos of our relationship, she belong to this travel network, met some people from work and overseas. She got to know some people from overseas and she would share the exchanges with me..Obviously, she did not share enough... Long story short, 5 weeks after breaking up with me, one of the guys from overseas comes and visits her and they become bf/gf right away but she hides and makes it like she is a nice girl and she keeps my pictures on her facebook under her special folder while they hide him&her pictures etc...She never admits that she has a bf until this moment..then 2 mos later she sees me dating someone in a bar and she gets extreme jealous, she comes near me and tell me that "I should not be doing that" ie kissing the girl, and phones me the very next night crying "please be respectful when we see each other again, I still care about you, miss you" but nothing to get back together etc.. and I told her that she made a choice, and we should better move on...after all that, she visits him and since then internet style LDR relationship only..about 10000 miles:-) she spents all weekends on the internet, talking to him perhaps...She is very clingy and needy person and she becomes extremely attach when she is with someone and demands full attention... we have a very limited communication; once every other week, simple chat or emailing...nothing serious casual talk around family, friends, dogs, work....but few times, she indirectly questioned whether I am seeing someone else, and got anxious about me moving out of state...But she initiated few times contact for no specific reasons but check me out... So what do you all think about this? is it a true rebound OR she cannot be alone syndrome? Edited January 28, 2008 by emalkoc
oppath Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 What does it matter? What you should worry about is you making the girl you date the rebound girl. Don't let those women be your rebound if you aren't over the ex. As for your ex-gf, now you know her true colors. Doesn't it piss you off that she just can't be upfront and say "you know, I'm sorry, but I do have a new boyfriend." Whether it's a rebound or not does not matter. She's not much of a friend if she is not honest with you. I'd cut her out of your life as much as possible and tell her "listen, we are both dating other people. For us to give them a firm shot, perhaps it's best if we don't talk much."
Author emalkoc Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Do you think that it is too late to stop being "No More Mr. Nice Guy"? I know in the past, when I acted angry or cut the communition, she got a knee jerk reaction...I wonder I am too late now because so much time and things passed by...
oppath Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Do you think that it is too late to stop being "No More Mr. Nice Guy"? I know in the past, when I acted angry or cut the communition, she got a knee jerk reaction...I wonder I am too late now because so much time and things passed by... What's your goal from this? Do you want to move on or get her back? No matter what, boundaries are important. But if you truly want to move forward without her, cut her out of your life. If she's bothering you, tell her "you need to stop. I've moved on." If you want her back, well, I have no advice for you. There's no formula.
climbergirl Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Long story short, 5 weeks after breaking up with me, one of the guys from overseas comes and visits her and they become bf/gf right away but she hides and makes it like she is a nice girl The 5 weeks after thing.....I can't say if it was a rebound. What was your relationship like towards the end and what were the fights about? Without hearing the whole story, my guess is that she emotionally removed herself long before you knew or suspected. That isn't to say she cheated or didn't love you, however, she may not want to hurt you by flaunting her new relationship. and she keeps my pictures on her facebook under her special folder while they hide him&her pictures etc... Are you saying that her pics of you are made public (and what's the album called that you are in? Is it a 'friends' album)where hers with him can only be viewed by the two of them or selected friends? Maybe he requested it, and again, maybe she's protecting your feelings. Or maybe she just wants to keep it private--I don't share everything on facebook, either. then 2 mos later she sees me dating someone in a bar and she gets extreme jealous, she comes near me and tell me that "I should not be doing that" ie kissing the girl, and phones me the very next night crying "please be respectful when we see each other again, I still care about you, miss you" but nothing to get back together etc.. and I told her that she made a choice, and we should better move on... I'm with her on this if you were purposely flaunting your date in front of her and making a show by kissing her knowing that your ex was aware of the two of you. I agree that it wasn't respectful of her feelings. BUT, you told her her to move on so I'm not understanding why you are concerned with her current BF and if it's a rebound or not. Maybe it's time to go NC, delete her on facebook and do what you told her to do.
Author emalkoc Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 (edited) The 5 weeks after thing.....I can't say if it was a rebound. What was your relationship like towards the end and what were the fights about? Without hearing the whole story, my guess is that she emotionally removed herself long before you knew or suspected. That isn't to say she cheated or didn't love you, however, she may not want to hurt you by flaunting her new relationship. Towards the end 1.5mos, I have worked some of the issues that our consular told us and we did not fight much but she was looking for answers what we are doing for future...I was 1 set behind telling her, I am taking her to vacation and talking about marriage plans...Well, i think she was emotionally cheating at least, being contact with him, who knows about their MSN chats...It may be true that she is hiding it not to hurt me further...But she posted their pictures on my bday 4 mos ago on facebook..So my therapist said that she was trying to hurt me... Are you saying that her pics of you are made public (and what's the album called that you are in? Is it a 'friends' album)where hers with him can only be viewed by the two of them or selected friends? Maybe he requested it, and again, maybe she's protecting your feelings. Or maybe she just wants to keep it private--I don't share everything on facebook, either. Her and my pictures are in a special folder called under "her name", not friends..Her and bf pictures so called under "friends" folder..And she de-friend me long time ago...he is still hiding as a friend as well after 6 mos, which is ridiculous to me...I dont think he is in control, more so her... I'm with her on this if you were purposely flaunting your date in front of her and making a show by kissing her knowing that your ex was aware of the two of you. I agree that it wasn't respectful of her feelings. BUT, you told her her to move on so I'm not understanding why you are concerned with her current BF and if it's a rebound or not. well, this was after I learned she was with this guy and she was posting their pictures on facebook on my bday...I apologized to her that night and told her that I am moving on as she did. Maybe it's time to go NC, delete her on facebook and do what you told her to do. Yes, I am on NC mostly. She is not in my facebook last 5 mos. That's the hard part b/c she has confused with me her messages several times. She has shown that she cared about me, which I think she acted on sudden move without knowing my intentions about commitment..She was not expecting those but it may be too late anyways...Time will tell. Edited January 29, 2008 by emalkoc
climbergirl Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Towards the end 1.5mos, I have worked some of the issues that our consular told us and we did not fight much but she was looking for answers what we are doing for future...I was 1 set behind telling her, I am taking her to vacation and talking about marriage plans...Well, i think she was emotionally cheating at least, being contact with him, who knows about their MSN chats...It may be true that she is hiding it not to hurt me further...But she posted their pictures on my bday 4 mos ago on facebook..So my therapist said that she was trying to hurt me... Her and my pictures are in a special folder called under "her name", not friends..Her and bf pictures so called under "friends" folder..And she de-friend me long time ago...he is still hiding as a friend as well after 6 mos, which is ridiculous to me...I dont think he is in control, more so her... well, this was after I learned she was with this guy and she was posting their pictures on facebook on my bday...I apologized to her that night and told her that I am moving on as she did. Yes, I am on NC mostly. She is not in my facebook last 5 mos. That's the hard part b/c she has confused with me her messages several times. She has shown that she cared about me, which I think she acted on sudden move without knowing my intentions about commitment..She was not expecting those but it may be too late anyways...Time will tell. I can honestly see why you would be confused by her messages and actions. She obviously still cares, but-and for at least right now-I'd go with her actions rather than her words and go completely NC. Is she young? That would maybe explain some of her confusion.
Author emalkoc Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 (edited) The 5 weeks after thing.....I can't say if it was a rebound. What was your relationship like towards the end and what were the fights about? Without hearing the whole story, my guess is that she emotionally removed herself long before you knew or suspected. That isn't to say she cheated or didn't love you, however, she may not want to hurt you by flaunting her new relationship. Are you saying that her pics of you are made public (and what's the album called that you are in? Is it a 'friends' album)where hers with him can only be viewed by the two of them or selected friends? Maybe he requested it, and again, maybe she's protecting your feelings. Or maybe she just wants to keep it private--I don't share everything on facebook, either. I'm with her on this if you were purposely flaunting your date in front of her and making a show by kissing her knowing that your ex was aware of the two of you. I agree that it wasn't respectful of her feelings. BUT, you told her her to move on so I'm not understanding why you are concerned with her current BF and if it's a rebound or not. Maybe it's time to go NC, delete her on facebook and do what you told her to do. I can honestly see why you would be confused by her messages and actions. She obviously still cares, but-and for at least right now-I'd go with her actions rather than her words and go completely NC. Is she young? That would maybe explain some of her confusion. No, She is 31 and divorced. But she is very un-experienced and immature in certain areas. Everyone girl and my therapist told me that she is confused, I think that part is for sure..Which makes me wonder around what to do to clear up her confusion to win her back. I think she is blinded with this guy from overseas b/c I have not committed her ontime. In fact, she knew I always said I loved her and treated her very well, except I was wanting equal things for myself too..She is also a therapist as occupation...4 mos ago, I knew we were done until that bar incident. When she called me and cried and told me "she has been thinking about me a lot" and then 3 times afterwards on email said the same thing, made me really confused...And her reactions online and her facebook act. Why would anyone hide her/his ex for such a long time..it does not make sense..Most of my friends told me the same. Anyways, Thanks for your thoughts...gave me really different perspective. I am doing NC and will keep on doing... Edited January 29, 2008 by emalkoc
Recommended Posts