spoonfull Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 so i've been seeing him since thee end of august which isn't too long. things are ok but when he drinks he act a fool like most men. So he told me he loved me in october & things were going ok. well the other night he told me he thinks it's time for me to go off the pill & for us to have a baby. i was asking him where did this all come from & what is he thinking? he says he knows i want one eventually but that he feels like he is ready. So we had the conversation & i said i need to make sure this isn't just a game & that this is real before i even considerate it. i do want a baby but i'm not trying to just have a baby daddy you know. So later that night he texted me. Yah, texted cuz he has a hard time talking sometimes. I hate that. I try to call him in the middle of texting & he wont pick up. i cant stand that. you can't text about something like this. he said he wants to eventually have a baby with me but he wants to enjoy us more. ok, cool, thanks for letting me know. but why did you come at me like that all serious & all? i don't understand why he did that? And then he said he realized later what he had said & thought he wasn't ready for that next step & he was thinking out loud when he said it!! WTtf is that ??? Is that odd? I honestly feel kinda dumb for actually considering it & I feel kinda sad in my own little way that it wont be happy although I know it's too soon but my clock is ticking. I'm 32 & no kids. But I just don't understand why he would do that & then change it all up. Is it about me not being good enough? I asked him if things were moving too fast & he said just with the baby stuff. Well, then why in the heck did you bring it up? I didn't so what is that about??? Someone please give me some feedback. I'm just kinda confused & feeling weird about it all. I know I need to wait because when I have a child I want that person to know they want me in their life & all that. I guess I heard my clock ticking real loud for a few hours & now i felt it stop. Am I losing it?
amaysngrace Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 He's very good at tellling you what you want to hear but not so good at giving you those things which you desire. Creepy. Words mean nothing. Action is everything.
a4a Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 IMHO 6 months is not long enough to make those sorts of decisions. and 32 is not old. More than just him or you involved in this.
Jilly Bean Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 This is rather disturbing. 1 - 32 is NOT old, and you shouldn't be hearing the tick so loudly at this point. 2 -he does seem to know how to play on your desires - that is why this feels so icky and off to you. Its like him dangling the carrot, then taking it away. 3 - 6 months is NOT a lot of time to really know someone. This guy seems to have a bit of a drinking issue, and also can't communicate. Really think long and hard about having this person for your baby Daddy. I would forget about it. Stop dwelling on it. He hit a nerve by saying what you secretly want, and now you are (fairly) upset that he has rescinded. After 6 months of dating, I'd be wary of any guy who wants to seed me, without benefit of marriage or some commitment.
Author spoonfull Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 what did you mean a4a: More than just him or you involved in this. what is that supposed to mean? And ya, i know i'm not old but i feel like i'm ready to have a baby or that maybe i'm a little late in having them. I don't know. But I haven't had kids with just a boyfriend because I do want to be sure to do it the "right" way. And I guess that's what bothers me..he put it out there & then took it back. That's just so wierd to me. But I am going to forget about it because there's no sense in worrying about it. One day I will have kids when the right timing & right man is with me all the way. I aint about playing games & well, maybe he is & doesn't even realize it.
jcster Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 He's trying to find a carrot to dangle in front of you to keep you around. It's a cheap tactic, and very manipulative. Every time I've experienced this type of manipulation, I've discovered there was something else going on that my guy hoped I would miss - it's a distracting tactic. Pay attention to what he's doing. I would watch yourself around this guy - talk is cheap, don't be allow yourself to be bought by it.
Author spoonfull Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 so we spoke about the situation & he said that he said all of that stuff because he hadn't seen me in a week & he was feeling really good & then it just came out. He said he wanted to say something really sweet & meaningful besides I love you. I said, well, next time you want to talk about something so important or so huge, make sure you think it through all the way. He said that it wasnt like he asked me to marry him & then take it back. I said no, it's not, but the fact is I just want you to mean what you say. don't say things because you think it will make me feel good or you think it's what i want to hear. So then he proceeded to talk about how he wants to move. Ok, I know all that. Then he says the only thing that is slowing him down is me. I told him I didnt want to stand in the way & to move if that's what he wants to do. He said that I wasn't in the way. He said that he doesn't know if he should just let "us" go or have me move too & then he said quite honestly i want you to move where i go because i'm ready to let you go. And that I should know he loves me because if he isn't saying it, he is texting it 5 times a day. But then he said he wants us to take things day by day & not to have expectations & that he probably will never get married & that what if we dont even make it through the summer months. What? Why wouldn't we? I just thought that was so wierd. you want me to move with you but yet your not sure we can make it through warm temperatures. Um...what??
LoveLace Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Gosh I read your posts and wonder if your the girl my Ex started seeing when he and I broke up in September!! My Ex was also bad about texting instead of talking, which I hated also. AND this guy said he DID want to marry me, until the end, suddenly he said he didn't know if he wanted to get married again (he was freshly divorced). He moved very quickly with us and then suddenly changed his tune. In my case, he just instantly wanted a replacement for what he'd just lost - his wife. The divorce made him feel like a failure so I was just the rebound to make him feel successful again. I agree with jcster's post...there might be something else going on with your guy and bringing up baby was either his way of trying to ignore something or his way of hanging on to you, or both. THEN he turns around and says he's ready to let you go?! Again, sounds a lot like my Ex. He wanted to accept a job offer that required him to move around and he wasn't going to let me hold him back. He dropped me like a safe. Anyhow, saying to go off the pill and all that, that's nothing to joke around about. And his excuse for saying it is a poor one, if you ask me. Because he missed you? Usually people will just say "I missed you" then...not let's have a baby!! Then he says it's not like he asked you to marry him.....what?! I'd say asking about a baby is just as big if not bigger! This dude is all over the map with you. And now it sounds like he's getting plain pessimistic about your relationship and negative about marriage. I wouldn't be surprised if his next move is the same as what my Ex's was (dumping me). First I think you should let him know how you feel about the texting. If he's not willing to change that, I'd say that's enough to tell you it's not worth sticking around then. The other issue is how he's playing with your head about the future. Don't let that be acceptable to you any more. If this pessimistic attitude of his continues, you might want to consider dumping him before he does 1st.
Author spoonfull Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Well he's not your ex, he hasn't been married but I have. Yah, the texting thing drives me batty. He said he isn't ready to let me go. But is wondering if he moves if we should just go our own ways but he really wants me with him. I think he is confused about alot of things. I also think he is depressed too. I would agree & say he is acting a little differently than he did in the beginning but then we all do. We had a little issue around christmas time but it wasn't even that big of a deal & we worked it out. This man has a lot of qualities I absolutely adore & I would like to be in a committed relationship & I do want kids one day but I'm not trying to jump right into mommy role. He doesn't want to go to fast & take things a day at a time & see how things go, I mean, dont we all do that? I guess since I'm so insecure & needy I analyze everything. Maybe too much. I do love him though. But I definately don't want to hold him back. And if he lets me go, well, then, it's his loss. I don't want to end things with him because compared to my ex's, he's the best thing that has happened to me.
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