82knightrider Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 As the title says. So my Ex g/f and I broke up in july of 2007 after 5 years together and I was gonna ask her to marry me b4 a lot of drama went down.Lately she has been contacting me and she wants to be with me again.We have been talking cool and going out here and there .But last night she told me she kissed her co worker and it hurts me .She says they have nothing but the thought hurts me.I want to be with her but I do have respect for myself unlike before ,what should I do ?thanks
Ronni_W Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Does she know why she kissed her coworker? - what was she looking to find out or feel or whatever? And what was she hoping to show/prove to you (or herself?) by telling you about it? I would take her answers to these kinds of questions into account, and trust my intuition on how to interpret them...and what to do next. I've done something similar, hoping to clear up some confusion within myself - it wasn't about respecting OR disrespecting the guy (in this case, 'you'.) But I never felt the need to traumatize him just because my internal world was all chaotic. Ask your questions, and trust your intuition...that's about all I can suggest.
Author 82knightrider Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 I ask her those questions and she gets defensive and says she doesnt like to talk about it.I knew they had been talking for a while because when we were still together he would call . She had a fling with my friend when we were still together (they never kissed allegedly) and the arguing that ensued led to our breakup. I can honestly say Im over all the drama that happened in the past and would still accept her but now this news with her and the coworker hurt me and my feelings of low self worth and low self esteem are resurfacing.Areas that I feel I have improved on drastically since our split and I dont want to go down emotionally because of this which I feel im starting to. But I also love her so much and dont want to lose her.
Ronni_W Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 It does rather sound like her pattern of not even trying to stay true to you - taking you for granted because you "love her so much and don't want to lose her", perhaps? Is it possible that your feelings of sinking emotionally is your gut whispering (or yelling?) something important? ...and it kinda sounds like you know you'll be risking something MUCH greater if you just continue to ignore it. If it'll help, let me outline your choices as I see them, based on my interpretation of your posts: (a) high self-worth and high self-esteem OR (b) low self-worth and low self-esteem. © wait for someone who'll make you feel cherished and appreciated OR (d) be taken for granted and betrayed. (e) really work to move through this now OR (f) postpone the work until some future time. Sorry that you're going through this...again! I do understand how strong an influence that voice saying "I love her so much" can be. But maybe this time it's about how much you love YOU? Best of luck.
s_n_d Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 As the title says. So my Ex g/f and I broke up in july of 2007 after 5 years together and I was gonna ask her to marry me b4 a lot of drama went down.Lately she has been contacting me and she wants to be with me again.We have been talking cool and going out here and there .But last night she told me she kissed her co worker and it hurts me .She says they have nothing but the thought hurts me.I want to be with her but I do have respect for myself unlike before ,what should I do ?thanks random question: Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?
Author 82knightrider Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 It does rather sound like her pattern of not even trying to stay true to you - taking you for granted because you "love her so much and don't want to lose her", perhaps? Is it possible that your feelings of sinking emotionally is your gut whispering (or yelling?) something important? ...and it kinda sounds like you know you'll be risking something MUCH greater if you just continue to ignore it. If it'll help, let me outline your choices as I see them, based on my interpretation of your posts: (a) high self-worth and high self-esteem OR (b) low self-worth and low self-esteem. © wait for someone who'll make you feel cherished and appreciated OR (d) be taken for granted and betrayed. (e) really work to move through this now OR (f) postpone the work until some future time. Sorry that you're going through this...again! I do understand how strong an influence that voice saying "I love her so much" can be. But maybe this time it's about how much you love YOU? Best of luck. After almost 6 years of heartache I have to finally cut my losses with this girl.Im 27 and shes 24 and I dont think I can ever be happy with her anymore.Especially after all this.And your right ,I have always been there for her no matter what and now she just takes me for granted. Im checking out for good,I know Ive said it before but now Im sticking to my decision (NC and moving on with life) knowing its the best decision. S_N_D...... She broke it off with me
D-Lish Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 ....I want to be with her but I do have respect for myself unlike before ,what should I do ?thanks That's a pretty powerful statement. Where did that self respect come from- things you have been working on since the break up? Don't let those things slide. If the relationship wasn't healthy before- It's not going to change. Go with the having newfound respect for yourself and keep moving forward.
s_n_d Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 D-Lish is right. You need to keep up this respect you have for yourself. This woman keeps hurting you. You deserve so much better. I guess we all do this though... We always run back to the person who hurt us so much despite of what the past held.
Author 82knightrider Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Thanks everyone for your much appreciated insight. We broke up in july of last year .For the first 2 months I was hurt but no contact helped a lot to find myself and learn to enjoy life with out her and I have come a long way. She started calling me a few weeks ago and I honestly felt that I could talk to her with out being hurt. Until she told me she kissed a co worker yada yada yada . Then my feelings have gone back to the drawing board. But if anything I have to turn yhis into a positve.I postively know shes not the one for me now. She had a fling with my friend b4 and that sucked. My lesson learned is to not brreak no contact no matter what. I have no idea when its ok to break no contact but im staying away from this woman for a very long time no matter how much bait she tries to throw at me.Im not biting anymore.
Author 82knightrider Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 That's a pretty powerful statement. Where did that self respect come from- things you have been working on since the break up? Don't let those things slide. If the relationship wasn't healthy before- It's not going to change. Go with the having newfound respect for yourself and keep moving forward. Working out ,eating right ,surrounding myself with positive people. Keep thinking positive and I try not to have idle time.Staying busy no matter what. Yeah,this co worker of hers ,I always suspected they would have something going on even when we still lived together.She always said "dont worry,nothing will ever happen between me and him " BS! I can never trust her and it hurts me .
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 It doesnt sound like this girl will be faithful to you. It doesnt sound like you have worked out your problems enough for getting back together. Having some time alone and carrying on the work for your self esteem is a good idea of yours.
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