slipstream Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 My ex broke up with me nearly two months ago, for the first week i was doing the usual begging, pleading etc... and then i woke up and coped on to myself. She used to always contact me aftr the breakup and in a way it was like we were still going out. Three weeks after the breakup i started meeting other girls and this got back to her. Thats when i initiated NC and told her we should have some space. Long story short it ended badly with her telling me to delete her number and that she was deleting mine, that was 30 days ago and i have had NC since. Anyway back to my question, her birthday is coming up next week, should i send her a happy birthday text or just leave her be ? I have no problem keeping up the NC but i would at some point in the future like to be friends with her as we are from the same small town. But i dont want to give her the impression that she thinks i still like her or i need her etc..
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 My ex broke up with me nearly two months ago, for the first week i was doing the usual begging, pleading etc... and then i woke up and coped on to myself. She used to always contact me aftr the breakup and in a way it was like we were still going out. Three weeks after the breakup i started meeting other girls and this got back to her. Thats when i initiated NC and told her we should have some space. Long story short it ended badly with her telling me to delete her number and that she was deleting mine, that was 30 days ago and i have had NC since. Anyway back to my question, her birthday is coming up next week, should i send her a happy birthday text or just leave her be ? Dude, WHY?! Why would you want to wish someone a happy birthday who doesn't want to be in your life? The first part of your post sounded just like a "door mat" nice guy and you say you "woke up" so to speak and got over that, but wanting to wish her a happy birthday confirms it. WHO CARES ABOUT HER BIRTHDAY?!?! You should be thinking about the girls you are interested in now, not the one that dumped you. I have no problem keeping up the NC but i would at some point in the future like to be friends with her as we are from the same small town. But i dont want to give her the impression that she thinks i still like her or i need her etc.. Why do you need her as a friend? What can she give you as a friend that no other friend can give you? Answer: NOTHING. I highly suggest you buy the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover and read it. I think it would benefit you greatly. If you want to keep any sense of dignity or self-respect, don't contact her or wish her a happy birthday. Cheers.
backspn Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Its normal to feel that you want to be friends with your ex so soon after a breakup but in a year after you havent talked to her, you wont need that connection. Like CaliGuy said you dont need her. Find someone who will want to be with you. Depending how long you guys dated and how much you invested, it could take a while to get back to dating. This is normal. Make this now the time to do self improvement things in your life. Gym, school, better paying job etc and immerse yourself in it. Good luck.
blind_otter Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 People always ask this question and the answer is always the same: NO. They broke up with you. They do not want to hear from you on their birthday.
serendip Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 It was my ex's B-day this weekend. Part of me wanted to contact her to wish her a happy b-day....but then I realize what's the point. So I didn't do it and I feel good about it of course...my ex and I aren't on good terms.
CaliGuy Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 It was my ex's B-day this weekend. Part of me wanted to contact her to wish her a happy b-day....but then I realize what's the point. So I didn't do it and I feel good about it of course...my ex and I aren't on good terms. I don't even think it's a good idea even if you broke up on good terms. The past is the past and he/she is part of the past. But especially if that person left you, the last thing you want to do is boost their ego and delay your healing by sending them a birthday wish. All that will do is tell them "I'm still not over you..."
s_n_d Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I disagree, CaliGuy. I know a bunch of people who are friends with their exs and even bestfriends. I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes its better if we never contact the ex ever again but other times, having them as a friend is good too. Ofcourse time will tell how things turn out.
LakesideDream Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Slip, why is this even an issue to you? If you want to send a birthday card, do it. Sending a card or gift is more important to you the sender/giver than it is to the receiver anyho. If your self esteem is so low that it hinges on getting advice from various people about a birthday card there are other problems going on. Do what makes you feel good, enjoy life, a birthday card is not a deadly weapon or a terrorist manifesto, it's just a alternate way of sending birthday greetings to another person.
s_n_d Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 LakesideDream is right. We(LoveShackers) cant tell you what to do. You have to do things for yourself and according to what YOU think is right.
emalkoc Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I agree with CaliGuy..Anything we do contact is to give them assurance as doormat...My ex is just trying very exact same.
LakesideDream Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Man alive ! This is silly. Has the world (or at least the LS world) become so "black and white" "right and wrong" that "No Contact" has become the only acceptable way to deal with the end of a relationship? Even if one party has "gone no contact" why does it become the only course of action for the other person? Gifting, or sending greetings isn't just for the receiver. In fact the act is only a small part of it. Gifting and greetings are much more for the person giving. If it makes you smile, feel good, do it. I told this story on LS awhile back, and it needs to be retold now: I've been divorced 7 years, it was an uguly divorce. My ex is now married to and living with the OM. We haven't spoken in over 5 years. We share two adult children and have settled things surrounding their needs via infrequent emails. A couple of years ago I saw an antique item that I knew my ex had been looking for most of our marriage. It was an almost unique item, rare describes it best. The cost was a few hundred dollars, a trivial amount to me at this time. I purchased it, boxed it and shipped it to her. I didn't enclose a card, or message. I just wrote "Enjoy" in red marker on the carton. It gave me joy and made me smile to do it. I received a "thank you" card in the snail mail, signed only with her first initial. The thank you didn't matter to me. In the time since she received it my adult kids have told me that she enjoys and uses it. To me that means I "won" three times, once making the purchase, once giving it to her, and again when I found out she enjoys it. I had completely forgotten about it until all this "birthday card" whining started here on LS a month or two ago. My happiness and self esteem isn't dependant on what other people think or believe. Personally, it's my belief that if you do something because it feels right to you, and doesen't damage anyone else, it's your business. "No Contact" doesen't mean you stop making decisions. All things in their rightful time and place.
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