Aboohoo Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Hi all, I wont bore you with the details but my ex bf of 3 years spilt up wit me as he was no longer in love with me. Since then i found out he is in love with a girl he has met over the internet and they plan to meet and blah blah blah.... It kills me to think he loves someone else, while im here thinking about him, the relationship and he's there whispering sweet nothings (via msn) to this girl! I dont actually miss him - i wasnt that happy in the relationship before hand (we lived together and he used to leave me on my own all / every night while he'll be onthe computer) - its the thought of someelse getting his 'love' He has 'something/one' to keep him occupied and i have had to move out of my home and leave my job. M friends and family have been fantastic and im keeping busy but its still hard. I've contacted him a few times and im seeing him again in about a month as some of my stuff is still at the house and everytime i contact him he's sooo cold. He did want to stay 'best' friends but has made no effort as yet. I know its because he has his 'new' love. How can someone move on so quickly - especially over someone he's never met? I was his (and he mine) 1st proper relationship (both mid 20s now) and before we went out he was obbessed with me - practically stalking but inevitably that ended through time - from what i can tell this is now he used to be with other girls - he'd obbess over them - i think this is what me is doing now - i think he has fallen in love with the idea of being with this 'amazing' girl but in real life he cant fully commit - he doesnt know how to be in a proper relationship. So to sum it up - i dont actually miss the relationship, i miss him as my best friend (is it possible to remain friends and do i want to be after what hes done?), i hate the idea of him being in love with someone else before breaking up with me (oh yes he told her before i knew!), im hurt that he can treat me like this - like im a bit of s@*t on his shoe! Sorry that was my daily rant - i know im better off but im jealous of his new relationship - i know in time ill be better off and chances are this new relationship wont last - will there ever be a time when he will 'mourn' our relationship? I know i deserve better but unfortunately when it comes to me im a bit of a doormat as he was my 1st love and noone else has ever liked me so its like im grateful to him ofr giving me a chance! Come on now snap out of it - sorry didnt mean to write so much... Any comments, ways of coping, similar experinces...ill take anything Thanks LS xxx
screwedup55 Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 My ex never got over her ex. After she broke up with me, we agreed that we both wanted to stay friends, we still hung out and talked a lot. This lasted for about 2 weeks. Then her ex came back and wanted her back. She agreed. After that we haven't hung out since and we talk once in a while. She tries to maintain the friendship, but sometimes it feels half hearted. So I don't know if it is possible. I have yet to see.
Jmina Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 If thats your only problem, - jealously - you can count your lucky stars. I'm suprised that your heart isnt broken and torn to shreds like most of us around here. I suggest writing it out getting everything that is in your head out on paper or on puter or talked out into the air. then you will have room for direction. you will be absolutely fine, keep posting. Jmina
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 How can someone move on so quickly - especially over someone he's never met? They don't. He was in the process of moving on long before you broke up. He just failed to let you know that, and hid it as he completed the process of emotional withdrawal. By the time you actually broke up, his process was complete and he was ready to move on. When the process is nearly complete, but not quite - that is when your ex tries to be 'friends'. If the process is complete, then they don't even want to be friends. They simply walk away without a backward glance. You, on the other hand are still stuck in the withdrawal stage. The fact that you can see clearly the reasons you broke up shows that you are at least 'over the hump' so to speak, but not quite ready to let go like he was when you broke up. That is why you are still wanting to be 'friends' because some part of your heart has still not moved on. As for him: He isn't in love with internet girl. He is in love with love. The thrill of the new. The chance to experience what in his mind he was missing before. He is mapping all of this stuff onto a stranger. Reality will hit him eventually. When you complete your own withdrawal process, you will find that you too will be vulnerable to the same rebound type stuff he is going through. If you want to avoid that, take some time after your head and heart together and don't date for a while. 1
sandflea Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 They don't. He was in the process of moving on long before you broke up. He just failed to let you know that, and hid it as he completed the process of emotional withdrawal. By the time you actually broke up, his process was complete and he was ready to move on. When the process is nearly complete, but not quite - that is when your ex tries to be 'friends'. If the process is complete, then they don't even want to be friends. They simply walk away without a backward glance. You, on the other hand are still stuck in the withdrawal stage. The fact that you can see clearly the reasons you broke up shows that you are at least 'over the hump' so to speak, but not quite ready to let go like he was when you broke up. That is why you are still wanting to be 'friends' because some part of your heart has still not moved on. As for him: He isn't in love with internet girl. He is in love with love. The thrill of the new. The chance to experience what in his mind he was missing before. He is mapping all of this stuff onto a stranger. Reality will hit him eventually. When you complete your own withdrawal process, you will find that you too will be vulnerable to the same rebound type stuff he is going through. If you want to avoid that, take some time after your head and heart together and don't date for a while. I totally agree - He started moving on a long time ago, but that doesn't mean he's ready yet. It takes time to recover, and he's rushing right along so fast to keep from having to face up to the real situation. Give yourself time to grieve, and take care of yourself. You'll be stronger for having weathered this. SF
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I agree that the dumper will already be emotionally moving on before you know about it. It sounds aswell that you are seeing a pattern in his relationships, and you could be right that he is not able to have a long term relationship.
Author Aboohoo Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Quote - "As for him: He isn't in love with internet girl. He is in love with love. The thrill of the new. The chance to experience what in his mind he was missing before. He is mapping all of this stuff onto a stranger. Reality will hit him eventually." Thankyou - i totally think you have hit the nail on the head with this one! Infact you are all right - its nice to see it all written down. Than you to you for all your words, im sure i will be fine - at the end of the day i dont want or deserve to be friends with someone who can treat me so badly xx
starlite Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Aboo- When my ex and I broke up he immediately was sleeping with someone else and spending his time with her. Well, 3 months after the break up I receieved heart breaking emails from him...how lonely he is, he will always love me, he will do anything to win me back... So, he spent that 3 months distracting himself only to be faced with it later on, whereas I dealt with the break up the way I should have and am know in a much better place. As you will be...
Recommended Posts