twice_shy Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 i just had to get this out. i am so upset and torn apart right now. i know her world is devastated as well and i am truly sorry for that. Forgive me for saying so, but I don't think so. If you were TRULY sorry for her being devastated, you wouldn't be messing around with her husband.
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 i am feeling slightly better today. i am still finding it hard to get out of bed, but i know the world doesnt stop just because my heart has been shattered. there are still things to do. i do find comfort here among those who understand these situations. i do plan to be honest with his wife if she does want to contact me. i have no reason to lie now and as i have always said, she deserves the truth. even if it is a bit late. If you and his wife talk, it may actually give you some closure. You may find out some things that you never knew about him and what exactly he's told her. Infact, finding out more may help you cope and heal quicker. Don't forget to laugh everyday. Call a friend or go rent a stupid funny movie just so you aren't feeling down and out for too long each day. Forgive me for saying so, but I don't think so. If you were TRULY sorry for her being devastated, you wouldn't be messing around with her husband. This comment was unnecessary. What about afew words of support on how SBT can help herself heal instead of pouring salt into her wounds.
InvisibleGirl Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 best of luck to you. starts to make me wonder what my MM will do the day I'm discovered. Its a tough dose of reality just to think about it.
Author sadbuttrue Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 i am doing my best to let this go. i am having brief twinges of pain thinking of how much i miss him. although these happen frequently, i am actually doing much better than i thought i would. of course the love is still there, i dont know how that will diminish. honestly, and i really hate to admit this, but my first emotion when he said this had to stop was relief. of course the tears followed, but i keep thinking why that was? i have always known this wasnt something i really wanted to be a part of. but i let my heart rule....
twice_shy Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 This comment was unnecessary. What about afew words of support on how SBT can help herself heal instead of pouring salt into her wounds. The question is, does she want to heal? Does she want to forget about this jerk and move on? If the answer is yes, then the sooner the break the better. My advice would be to not hook up with a married man in the future. If she is not willing to break it off, go no contact with the married man, and wishes to continue on with him...then my original comment stands. If she is willing to extract him from her life, then kudos!
Walking away Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) Dear friend, Reading your post took me back a few years to when my MM and I were discovered. I didn't think I could breathe without him. And I was physically ill thinking about what they were going through....knowing what I was going through. Pain everywhere and for everyone. Dark, dark days. And as I read my past threads, I was taken back to the pain again today. The pain.... It was incredible. Having walked in your shoes, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. But there is hope. I survived, others survived, and so will you. Believe it and have hope for the future. Keep posting. We are here. WA P.S. Feel free to PM me. Edited January 30, 2008 by Walking away
jaslene2009 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I agree betrayed! She does not owe the SO anything; he does. I would not open myself up for that can of worms. I would move on with my life and try not to get back in that type of situation again. I don't know why everyone is so open to tell their spouse about their cheating escapades. I would only if, I was trying to work it out. However, if you can't stop just get a divorce and be single. Nevertheless, I would not contact her and admit to any affair. In some states you can be sued. Just move on and leave him alone. If he was a man, he would just except the blame and leave you out of it. I believe there is a reason why he cheated and he needs to address that with his wife and why is she wasting her time wanting to talk to you? You were only there because he wanted you to be. She needs to addresss the issue with her husband and not you! Move on my friend and change your phone number and address if you can. Watch your back. She will be tempted to come after you in some way. I had to struggle against the urge to take the bastard's life. A betrayed spouse is not in their right mind, and not stable at all. I know. I would never take someone's life, yet I have to admit the ugly feeling that I want him dead. If he were to get killed in a car accident, or another enraged husband does not have the little self control I have left seeks his own revenge and beats him to death with a hammer, I would rejoice. And I know that's very wrong, but it's the truth. Gentle people allow murder into their hearts because of what you are doing. And, yes, believe me, women can be EXTREMELY violent.
jaslene2009 Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Dear Heart, Focus on yourself and only yourself. If she decides to contact you, just ingnore her calls or whatever. You are still living therefore life goes on. As I stated before, you don't owe her one thing. He does and he needs to focus on his family. You need to finish school and move with your life. I know it's hard because I have been the OW too. I was also confronted by the SO. All I know is he wanted me there, but I had to realize I deserved better. "You will get better and find better". Trust me on those words. I am pulling for you and I hope that you don't open yourself up for more drama. In some states the SO can sue the OW for alienation of affection. Therefore, don't allow their mishaps to destroy you anymore than how you feel right now. Sweetie, move on change that cell phone number, go out and mingle with the single and enjoy your life. Life is to short to be stressed ! that would not be possible, for either of us to change classes. we are both due to graduate in may. we are in a program where there is only one class once a year of each one. it is not a large school. if either of us dropped this class, it would put off graduation an entire year. we will have to finish this. i understand the need to stop contact. i know it will be painful to keep seeing him. i dont know what his wife thinks about this. i have not heard from her yet. i do not know if she will contact me or not, he just said she wanted to. i am still in a daze i think. i can not believe it is over. i have not fully accepted it yet i think.
Author sadbuttrue Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 thank you all so much. i have had a couple of really bad days, but i am doing somewhat better today. she did contact me. asked a bunch of questions, and i did my best to give her truthful answers. i think i will be ok. i guess i have no choice
bentnotbroken Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 thank you all so much. i have had a couple of really bad days, but i am doing somewhat better today. she did contact me. asked a bunch of questions, and i did my best to give her truthful answers. i think i will be ok. i guess i have no choice The truth has a way of eventually healing all involved.
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