The old "she wants kids and he doesn't" thing

[stillafool]

I am sure that there are tons and tons of people that do resent their kids existance....... they will never admit it though.

 

Actually I know one guy that does admit it. Not to his kids or wife but he did to me.

And you know his hand was kinda forced in the issue...... I don't think he is a bad guy for admitting to it.

 

 

I have had so many friends (women) who have told me they love their kids but if they had to do it over again they wouldn't have had them. I've been told how lucky I am that I don't have them by these parents.

[a4a]

I think its a crappy thing to do to a kid.

 

The kids don't know.

 

His W wanted them and to make her happy he went along with it. It is supposed to be that way...... marriage, then kids.

 

When you don't have kids you would be surprised how people ride you about it.

 

What's wrong with you? Why don't you have kids? (cuz I am smarter than you and like my life just the way it is) Man I am so sick of hearing that crap.

 

I laugh when people complain about how hard their life is with them.

What did you think was going to happen?

 

I have a 40 yr old friend who is single and no kids....... people ask if she is a lesbian. I have another 40 year old friend who is brilliant, great career, so smart that she did not marry the first dirtbag that asked to marry just to make babies. She would love kids, just she has not found the right guy. And now she probably doesn't want them as she is content with her life without them.

[quankanne]

Did your nephew tell his wife that he didn't want kids before marriage? Did she agree to that and then change her mind later?

 

more along the lines that he'd balk whenever the subject came up, though when they were dating she was very vocal about wanting a passel of kids. I think what worked in her favor was that he really does love kids, but was just unsure of his own daddying capability because of what he experienced with his own parents. Kind of like she saw his potential even when he wasn't quite sure of it.

 

he was thrilled when they learned she was pregnant, if that's any kind of indicator ...

[a4a]

Allison, you need to leave this "man" (using the term man loosely.) He married you and has gotten away with his plan of not working (sorry but "working" IT 2 days a week is not working), and letting you do allt he work and provide insurance and his ability to stay home and sit on his ass all day. I can't believe you haven't figured out this plan. HE'S USING YOU, HON, SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORK AND CAN BE A LAZY A@@HOLE. HOW DARE HE BE HAPPY WHEN YOU MISCARRIED? YOU KNOW WHY HE WAS UPSET? BECAUSE THEN HE'D HAVE TO BE A STAY AT HOME DAD AND GET OFF HIS ASS!!!

OF COURSE HE IS LOVING AND CARING TO THE WOMAN WHO PROVIDES EVERYTHING FOR HIM LIKE HE IS A CHILD. AND NOW HE WON'T COMPROMISE A BIT.

THIS MAN IS A SLUG TO SOCIETY AND YOU NEED TO GET RID OF HIM AND FIND A MAN WHO IS CARING ENOUGH TO COMPROMISE A BIT AND HAVE A CHILD WITH YOU, NOT COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY USE YOU. DO YOU LIKE BEING A SUGAR MAMA? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE TO THIS MAN.

AS FAR AS A4A'S HUSBAND, HE NEEDS TO DIVORCE YOU. HE IS THE TYPE WHO HAS LOVE IN HIS HEART AND WANTS A CHILD, YOU ARE NOT. AS MUCH AS YOU BELIEVE HE IS HAPPY, HE ISN'T, HON. HE IS YEARNING INSIDE FOR A CHILD AND HE WILL NEVER BE TRULY HAPPY WITH JUST YOU. PLEASE DO HIM A FAVOR AND LET HIM GO SO HE CAN FIND A WOMAN WITH THE LOVE IN HER HEART TO PROVIDE HIM WITH A CHILD. BELIEVE ME, HE IS NOT HAPPY, NO MATTER HOW THINGS SEEM.

 

:lmao:

 

stop it...... you made me pee myself laughing. (yearning)

Are you married? If not my H is available for you. You will LOVE him.

He would happily knock you up and you and the kid can sit in the dark because the 'lectricity done did get shut off - he doesn't work unless my foot is up his butt. :lmao:

 

Goodness - ya really shouldn't yell with those big letters either.

Perhaps you should research the "plight of the Tater" before you tell me how awful I am to my H. Or how great of a parent he would be.

 

BTW like the OP my H stated he did not want kids - he also stated many many things that just were not true.

 

Much like a politician trying to get elected, then once in office.....well, you know.

 

and my H is against us getting a divorce...... he is free to reproduce if he chooses, he can go out tonight and do so. Do you want his phone #?

[quankanne]

you sure you want him to unleash a horde of tater tots on this unsuspecting world? :p

[a4a]

you sure you want him to unleash a horde of tater tots on this unsuspecting world? :p

 

Yeah that would be great!

 

Really it is not fair to expect a person to change knowing what they want before you engage them in a R.

 

It is sneaky and wrong to lie and get into a R all the while thinking "no worries, they will change their mind or I will find a way to make them change".

[Alison]

I can't believe you haven't figured out this plan. HE'S USING YOU, HON, SO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORK AND CAN BE A LAZY A@@HOLE. HOW DARE HE BE HAPPY WHEN YOU MISCARRIED? YOU KNOW WHY HE WAS UPSET? BECAUSE THEN HE'D HAVE TO BE A STAY AT HOME DAD AND GET OFF HIS ASS!!!

 

Wow, are you wrong. I didn't mean for this to turn into an attack/defence on my husband, but I can't let that go.

 

My husband has not used me "to not work." He earns good money so that he only has to take a couple of jobs a week - a few days work. He did this before we met. He made it clear to me he had no intention of changing - he just wasn't the type who would handle routine. I accepted this when I married him. I do not consider him lazy. I do not want him to change.

 

In any case, I earn plenty for the both of us, and we have everything we need. Besides, I love my job and would turn up for much less. If the shoe were on the other foot, and I was at home, no one would bat an eyelid about the arrangement. If that makes me a sugar-mama, then cool (although personally I don't think it does).

 

Not wanting children does not mean he has no love in his heart. Very, very far from it. He is wonderful to me, even when I'm grumpy, tired, or can talk about nothing but work. He is generous to his friends and family and would do anything for them. He has worked good causes for money I wouldn't even consider. He has plenty of love.

 

In relation to the illness that makes a vasectomy more difficult, my husband is a smoker and has diabetes. Any surgery is potentially bad. I have no such problems and until recently was happy to be the one to go undergo the procedure.

 

I don't appreciate attacks on my husband. He is a good man. He just doesn't want children, and that places him at odds with me at the moment.

[nittygritty]

I rarely if ever watch Dr. Phil but not too long ago I did see an episode about a couple who had both agreed to not having children prior to marriage and the wife had changed her mind.

 

The husband was older and had grown children from a previous marriage and had gotten a vasectomy. The wife for whatever reason had changed her mind and suddenly wanted a baby.

 

Dr. Phil shares his personal story about how he had a vasectomy after his son was born and his wife later changed her mind and wanted another child and because he loved his wife soooo much he had his vasectomy reversed and they were so grateful that they had their second son.

 

His advice to the husband was that he had the opportunity to give his wife the most joy she would ever have by having his vasectomy reversed and having a baby. The man agreed (at least on camera anyway) that he would give his wife the joy she was yearning for by having a child together.

 

The man appeared to be well into his 50's if not pushing 60 and his younger wife appeared to be late 30's, I could be wrong about that detail but I remember that she mentioned something about her biological clock ticking being the reason for her changing her mind about wanting children.

 

Anyway, even though I greatly disagreed with Dr. Phil's advice to the couple, perhaps a professional counselor (probably not Dr. Phil) would be able to help the two of you decide what would be best to help you and your husband deal with this issue.

[CaterpillarGirl]

Alison,

 

Unfortunately, those days when you were truly sure you didn't want kids are gone. You can never get back to that point. I think the situation with your "chemical pregnancy" not only brought those "mothering" instincts to the fore, but your "loss" of the pregnancy was perhaps never fully dealt with. I would urge you to give yourself more time to process that loss.

 

As for your relationship with your husband, I can see that it means a great deal to you. I think that it is possible to stay with him in childless, committed relationship. It will just take a lot of work on your part. I think that your desire to be a mother can be fulfilled in other ways than having a child of your own. Have you considered volunteering as a big sister or working with children in some way? I totally understand that for some people having a child of your own flesh and blood is different than helping to raise other children, but this might be a chance for you to explore your ability to relate with children.

 

Also, many people find that pets offer satisfaction and a chance to nurture another living being. Again, I understand that this is different than having a baby. Perhaps it would help if you could articulate what exactly about having a child is important to you and we might be able to suggest some ways to fulfill those needs and desires.

[HisLove]

How do you think he would handle any other major changes in life like illness or disability through an accident??

 

I respect your husband's wishes not to have a child, and I know you do too. Does he respect any of your wishes? I remember somebody saying to me once that you would never regret the children you have, but would regret the ones you didn't have.

[a4a]

Your husband is a lazy loser, sorry. If he only works a couple days a week on these jobs, what is he doing on all those days off? He needs to be putting in a 40 hour week. He needs to be working up to his potential to be the man and making as much as he can, at least a 5 day week, for Christ's sake.

I'm still amazed at how he's got you fooled. It's sad.

 

Not all people need to work 40 hours a week to bring home the bacon.

I may only work 3 days a month...... but in those 3 days I make $3500. Am I a lazy loser too?

 

Perhaps he is satisfied with his income.

 

I am guessing you faced this situation so you are so bitter about it?

 

Some people don't want kids some do, both deserve to have that choice respected.

[stillafool]

How do you think he would handle any other major changes in life like illness or disability through an accident??

 

I don't think this is the same thing as agreeing before marriage that you don't want children. I think illness and disability fall under the

"through sickness and health" part of your marital vows.

 

I respect your husband's wishes not to have a child, and I know you do too. Does he respect any of your wishes?

I think they had more of an agreement than a wish.

 

I remember somebody saying to me once that you would never regret the children you have, but would regret the ones you didn't have.

 

I never did understand how anyone can miss what they've never had.

[a4a]

I never did understand how anyone can miss what they've never had.

 

Not even that. I know I don't want many things, not just because I haven't experienced it. There is no desire or even a repulsion of some things.

 

Children IMHO, loud, dirty, time consuming ( I like my time spent elsewhere), costly (I like my money spent elsewhere), and a burden that would limit my freedom and own happiness. Limit choice.

 

Nor would I want or desire to take care of an ailing adult..... I would if I had to and attempt to make the best out of it, but I certainly don't want it.

 

would I miss that if I never experienced it?

[Alison]

I've tried very hard to work out what it is about a child that I'm craving.

 

I have pets already. I love them to death, and spoil them terribly. Until now, that has always been enough. Now, I still love my pets. I still spoil them. They still sleep on the bed, get fed homemade meals, get walked every day. But they're not satisfying the craving for a child.

 

I've also done a little volunteer work with kids before. Not a lot, I grant you, but the opportunities are fairly limited in my immediate locality. I also used to work with kids, and know that I get on well with the older ones. I'm still not big on the littlies. I would be relying up that "it's different when they're yours" advice - and, yes, I agree that's not the wisest.

 

I'm definitely not craving the cuteness or cuddliness of a baby. Other peoples do not interest me at all - no desire whatsoever to hold one. But I don't mind the idea of nappies, late nights, inconvenience etc. Although I have no real idea what it is like, I'm realistic that the early years will not be fun or easy. I will have to make sacrifices, especially when it comes to my work. There will be an impact on my career (which for the entire rest of my adult life I have put first).

 

I guess my thoughts are more concentrated on having an older child. Teaching him or her, playing baseball, watching them grow, graduate etc. I like the idea of helping a young person grow into an adult. I had wonderful parents who proved to be perfect role models and I would hope to have the same influence on someone else. I like to think I would be good at it. At the same time, though, I realise that I may get a difficult child, and the relationship won't be as good. Even in such circumstances, I'd like to think I'd still try my hardest and maybe do some good.

 

Apart from those fuzzy thoughts though, I can't give rationale reasons for the longing. Wish I could. It would help me deal with it a lot easier.

 

What's making things worse now is that my husband is talking about all the great things we can do without children. He thinks, as his brilliant mind naturally would, that being rational about this can solve the problem and get me back to normal. He's taken to rewiring the spare bedroom into a gym, and his talking about a trip overseas next year so that we can celebrate being "screaming brat free." A few months ago I would have laughed and eagerly helped out. Now I'm just feeling more conflicted, confused, guilty and lost.

[CaterpillarGirl]

Alison,

 

You're right. I'm sure in his own way your husband is trying to move things back to "normal" by focusing on all the things you will be able to do without children. I think that this is the way that most men respond to problems, especially their female partners' problems. That's not a criticism of men in general, just an acknowledgement that men think a little differently. I think you really need to talk someone who can help you examine your feelings about motherhood without trying to squash them back down. I think coming here to vent is a great step. If you have any female friends or family members who you can speak with privately who can listen impartially without trying to influence you, I think this might help, too. If not, maybe try journaling about the experiences you would like to have with a child, your thoughts on motherhood, etc. Over time, this might help you to see why having a child means something to you and could give you some insight on how to resolve the situation.

 

I think the worst thing you could do right now is make some life-altering decision like having a baby or getting a tubal or even divorcing. Give yourself time time to think about everything and adjust to life again. Let your husband know that you are working through your feelings and the best thing that he could do for you is just be supportive of this process and not bring up negative comments about children or refer to the experience you had, etc. Let him know rational talk is not really what you want right now.

 

Also, maybe consider seeing a counselor. I don't know how busy your life is right now, but it might be helpful just so you feel like you aren't going through this alone. As you say, many other couples struggle with this dilemma.

[Storyrider]

Alison,

 

You're right. I'm sure in his own way your husband is trying to move things back to "normal" by focusing on all the things you will be able to do without children. I think that this is the way that most men respond to problems, especially their female partners' problems. That's not a criticism of men in general, just an acknowledgement that men think a little differently. I think you really need to talk someone who can help you examine your feelings about motherhood without trying to squash them back down. I think coming here to vent is a great step. If you have any female friends or family members who you can speak with privately who can listen impartially without trying to influence you, I think this might help, too. If not, maybe try journaling about the experiences you would like to have with a child, your thoughts on motherhood, etc. Over time, this might help you to see why having a child means something to you and could give you some insight on how to resolve the situation.

 

I think the worst thing you could do right now is make some life-altering decision like having a baby or getting a tubal or even divorcing. Give yourself time time to think about everything and adjust to life again. Let your husband know that you are working through your feelings and the best thing that he could do for you is just be supportive of this process and not bring up negative comments about children or refer to the experience you had, etc. Let him know rational talk is not really what you want right now.

 

Also, maybe consider seeing a counselor. I don't know how busy your life is right now, but it might be helpful just so you feel like you aren't going through this alone. As you say, many other couples struggle with this dilemma.

This is really good, positive advice.

 

And btw, just because your husband doesn't fit the cookie-cutter mold doesn't mean he is a bad person. Clearly you know this because you love him. He has been honest with you, which says a lot.

[HisLove]

I'm not exactly the maternal type, and my children weren't screaming brats at all. They are caring, intelligent, and funny. They have provided some of the most trying times in my life, but so have some of the men lol. My children (I have 3 so it wasn't a fluke) slept through the night at six weeks didn't throw tantrums, or cause destruction wherever they went. Parenthood is not a nightmare experience for every person.

 

Even if you want a child more than anything else, you can't know what the experience will be like - good or bad - until you've done it. That's the same scenario for EVERYTHING in life. Getting married, changing careers, building your first home instead of renting, getting divorced, travelling overseas - they are great things for a lot of people and a total disaster for others.

 

Allison is saying she has a longing to have a child. It's normal for most women. There is only a certain window of opportunity in your life to go down that path. At the moment, I see her putting her husband's wishes ahead of her own and he accepts that. I think when a couple puts each others wishes ahead of their own, then you have a great relationship.

 

As for the in sickness and health promises, I believe they encompass every curve ball that life throws you, you are supposed to stick by each other and support each other through good and bad. That's why I wondered at the type of promises they made to each other.

 

Allison, I don't envy you having to come to some decision. That's obviously one of the lessons in this life you have to deal with. And that opens a whole 'nother can o worms lol.

[norajane]

I guess my thoughts are more concentrated on having an older child. Teaching him or her, playing baseball, watching them grow, graduate etc. I like the idea of helping a young person grow into an adult. I had wonderful parents who proved to be perfect role models and I would hope to have the same influence on someone else. I like to think I would be good at it. At the same time, though, I realise that I may get a difficult child, and the relationship won't be as good. Even in such circumstances, I'd like to think I'd still try my hardest and maybe do some good.

 

Yeah, you can't skip over the baby-hood and get to the older part, though. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just you have to be ready for the WHOLE package that comes along with a child. Dwelling only on the 'good parts', the parts you want, can make your longing more intense in an unrealistic way.

 

And for you with your career and a man who doesn't want to be a father, the burden will fall squarely on your shoulders during the baby and toddler stage, which will most definitely impact your career and your finances. Unless you get a nanny, you'll have to stop working since your hubby wants nothing to do with raising a child. Do you want to put your career on hold until the child is in school full time? Or do you want a nanny/day care raising your child while you work for the first 5 or 6 years?

 

That's the choice you have to make if you stay with your husband and have a child, so it's worth considering seriously along with the images of teaching him/her to play baseball and graduate from college.

 

And that's probably a very similar choice you'll have to make about your career and child care even if you leave your husband and find someone else to have a child with.

 

I agree that it might be helpful to you to speak with a counselor. You are still hurting over your miscarriage and could probably use the support that you didn't get from your husband during that time. And a counselor may help you clarify your thoughts vs. emotions regarding having a child.

[Anna Comnena]

DON'T YOU DARE FORCE A CHILD UPON A MAN WHO DOENS'T WANT ONE.

 

It isn't fair for the child...

 

Can't you see the Teenage Spats with dad exclaming "I never wanted you in the first place".

 

--That said.. a Religious person would say you knew this going in and you have an obligation to stay with him.

 

I say, you were young and you have had a change of heart.. this is a decision you may regret for the rest of your life either way, so think about it carefully. Don't bother bringing it up with him, if you threaton to leave unless you have a kid, it may push him in to it.. but if his heart is not there.... it isn't there... Make your decision in private.

[Alison]

I just wanted to pop back and say "thanks" to all those who gave me good advice. As suggested, I spent some time talking to my husband, my friends, and to a professional. It's going to take time, but I've reconciled again to my decision not to have children. It's the right choice for me, and always has been - only now I also accept that there were alternatives, and that they could have been nice as well. Before, I suppose I never even let myself contemplate them.

 

A number of you suggested that my longing was the result of unresolved issues with the miscarriage, and I think you're right. I did feel guilty - really guilty- about the loss of that would-be life, and I think a part of me thought, in some twisted way, that bringing another child into the world would compensate for the loss of the one I carried. I know that's wrong. It took talking about the miscarriage to tease out those feelings and confront them.

 

There was also an element of wondering if I was missing something. At 35 (wow, nearly 36...) the pregnancy jarred me into confronting the fact that my decision to die childless really was final. Fear it a pretty powerful emotion, isn't it? Again, however, now I know that was a factor in my feelings, I can deal with it. Just because I still have an alternative course doesn't mean I have to take it.

 

Finally, there was the fact I was just really hormonal...

 

Also, my husband and I had a big long chat, and talked through how hurt I was that he was so overjoyed that I'd lost the baby. Turns out, he hadn't seen it like that at all, as he'd felt no connection with it and didn't regard it as being anything other than a potential life. He had no idea how much he was hurting me. He now gets that I did have feelings for whatever it was inside me, even if he doesn't understand *why.* One thing I love about our relationship is that we're always honest with each other, and don't sugarcoat things, and this has confirmed it. This is a relationship I never want to give up.

 

I also spoke to my husband about how I didn't want to lead a selfish life, and I wanted to do something for others. We've always donated to charities quite extensively, and do some volunteer word, but we've come up with some other ideas as well - things we wouldn't have the time or money to do if we were parents. I love new challenges, and being really busy with things I feel great about is what's best for me.

 

Anyway, things are getting back to normal. Truth be told, I'm a little embarrassed about my own reaction to this whole incident. But I really, deeply wanted to say you to everyone who gave me such you advice. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[ladyintights]

You agreed well before you married on the "NO CHILDREN" rule only to back up and change your mind. It is not fair to your husband. Whether he's being childish or not, it's his decision and right NOT to have kids. You need to either divorce and find a man who will make this a reality for you, or choose your husband like you did when you first got married.

 

One thing to ponder is whether your hubby really loves you ENOUGH though.

Do you want to stay with a man who thinks of himself FIRST and would force you to abort your own wanted child just to fulfill HIS wants and convenience level in life??

Would he give up something HE wanted desperately for you??? Also, what makes you think he wouldn't change his mind in 10-20 years and then trade you in for a young bimbo who would then have his child?? There are many men that think about kids when they pass 40 etc.

Then you would be all alone with NOBODY and NOTHING. To forgo your needs in life just in fear of not finding another person suited for you is WRONG. If the above happened, you would resent him enough to actually want to kill him. Men don't think about anyone else but themselves.

To let go of your desires for a man is pitiful. Truth of the matter is that you probably believe he'll even get up and walk out on you if you do unexpectedly get pregnant and have his child. He does not love you then. He's too immature to think about you or anyone else before himself.

 

I would say to let him go.

[ladyintights]

DON'T YOU DARE FORCE A CHILD UPON A MAN WHO DOENS'T WANT ONE.

 

It isn't fair for the child...

 

Can't you see the Teenage Spats with dad exclaming "I never wanted you in the first place".

 

--That said.. a Religious person would say you knew this going in and you have an obligation to stay with him.

 

I say, you were young and you have had a change of heart.. this is a decision you may regret for the rest of your life either way, so think about it carefully. Don't bother bringing it up with him, if you threaton to leave unless you have a kid, it may push him in to it.. but if his heart is not there.... it isn't there... Make your decision in private.

 

"either way?" Do you even have children?

I've never known one parent regretful for having their child.

IMO, she'll have a much closer bond with that "brat" than she ever did with her husband. Her husband sounds like a selfish bum, no offense.

Children love unconditionally.. it's an amazing experience. Your husband loves CONDITIONALLY and it's a completely unselfish type of love from a child.

 

In 20 years she'll be thinking, " I cannot believe I gave up a child all for a man!- a loser at that."

 

What happens if he dies early or has health problems etc down the road and she is left all alone... she gave up a big thing in her life just a for some odd years living with a loser who never took her feelings into consideration. Women are weak- end of story.

Edited February 9, 2008 by ladyintights

[mental_traveller]

There's a very simple solution to this problem - willpower. You just have to learn to deal with your breeding impulse and keep it under control, in the same way that former addicts have to resist the urge to have another hit/smoke/drink/bet. You have a moral duty to stick to your promise. It's no different to if some Angelina Jolie lookalike tries hard to seduce your husband - he may well have a desire to respond in kind, but (hopefully) he would exercise some discipline and refuse to succumb to what his body is telling him. So if you'd expect him to show restraint in that situation, you have to show restraint in this one. Keep your impulses under control (that is after all what distinguishes humans from mere animals - the ability to exercise self-discipline) and if it bothers you then tough doo-da, you just gotta suck it up.

 

On a related note, this thread shows why men who don't want kids should *never* get married, and should never trust young women who say they don't want kids. The only woman you should trust to never want kids is one who is infertile. Your husband shares some of the blame here, it was idiotic for him to believe a 20something woman proclaiming no interest in kids. If he didn't want one he shouldn't have got married. The biological clock is a well-known phenomenon and he should have been aware of that.

 

So, don't take all the blame, it's not reall your fault that you are going through this phase, but really you ought to try to stick to your promise.

Edited February 10, 2008 by mental_traveller

[mental_traveller]

Yet I just can't seem to make the rational part of myself squash the desire for a child.

 

What if he told you he can't seem to make the rational part of himself squash the desire to sleep with other women? You'd think that was a pretty pathetic excuse to rationalise selfish behaviour, wouldn't you? So how come your view is different if the shoe is on the other foot, and it's you who has to exercise some self-control.

[mental_traveller]

You agreed well before you married on the "NO CHILDREN" rule only to back up and change your mind. It is not fair to your husband. Whether he's being childish or not, it's his decision and right NOT to have kids. You need to either divorce and find a man who will make this a reality for you, or choose your husband like you did when you first got married.

 

One thing to ponder is whether your hubby really loves you ENOUGH though.

Do you want to stay with a man who thinks of himself FIRST and would force you to abort your own wanted child just to fulfill HIS wants and convenience level in life??

Would he give up something HE wanted desperately for you??? Also, what makes you think he wouldn't change his mind in 10-20 years and then trade you in for a young bimbo who would then have his child?? There are many men that think about kids when they pass 40 etc.

Then you would be all alone with NOBODY and NOTHING. To forgo your needs in life just in fear of not finding another person suited for you is WRONG. If the above happened, you would resent him enough to actually want to kill him. Men don't think about anyone else but themselves.

To let go of your desires for a man is pitiful. Truth of the matter is that you probably believe he'll even get up and walk out on you if you do unexpectedly get pregnant and have his child. He does not love you then. He's too immature to think about you or anyone else before himself.

 

I would say to let him go.

 

Your bitterness towards men is no reason for her to end a happy marriage. If you feel that way about the opposite sex, then why even bother with them? Just enjoy life as a single woman.