I went from OW to partner of two years. The sweetness faded, let me tell you!

[wyldflower]

Hi guys. You might remember me from a couple of years ago. I was OW for three months to a man I had know and adored for years. He left his wife and two children to be with me and I was elated. I had no guilt as I had heard so much about what an "unfulfilling, cold, unhappy" marriage he was in and truly believed we were soul mates, destined to be together etc.

What a fool I was!

I have just come out of a two year de facto relationship with this man. The first few months were just as I dreamed they would be, loving and tender, foundations being laid for a long and happy lifetime together. We connected on so many levels and I loved the way he protected and looked after me.

And then suddenly, the whole thing backflipped. His adoration became intense jealousy, his charm became vemon, he went from amking me feel like a queen to a whore. His tender touches turned to violence.

Yep - I found myself with the poster child for domestic violence. In two years, I had a mirror smashed over my head, a chipped shoulder, not to mention many headbutts, elbows, kicks etc. If I spoke to another man I was flirting, if a man came and spoke to me at one of his gigs (he is a musician) then it was my fault for putting my vibe out there. I couldn't win. In the end, I would look at the ground rather than have him imagine I was making eyes at someone.

He would cry and apologise and hate himself after a violent episode and I satyed with him. I held onto this man because I just couldn't accept the fact that I had been WRONG! It saddens me to say that I still loved him, loved his good side which showed less and less as time went by.

I finally left him after words he spoke that I don't even want to repeat. He went to hit me and I stared him in the eye and when he faltered, I took the opportunity to get in my car and go for good.

Of course, following the break-up there was a roller-coaster of "I can't live without you, I'll kill myself" to "You're a sl*t and I hate you and wish you would die". I changed my number a couple of months ago just to end it once and for all.

All this from a man I fought tooth and nail to get. What a fool I was to think I knew him better than his wife of 14 years (who I since found out was abused by him also).

Choose carefully who you fight for, ladies and gents.

[Phateless]

Good for you for coming to your senses. As for the original marriage, you should feel good about the fact that at least you got her out of it. Nobody should be with someone abusive.

[White Flower]

Hi guys. You might remember me from a couple of years ago. I was OW for three months to a man I had know and adored for years. He left his wife and two children to be with me and I was elated. I had no guilt as I had heard so much about what an "unfulfilling, cold, unhappy" marriage he was in and truly believed we were soul mates, destined to be together etc.

What a fool I was!

I have just come out of a two year de facto relationship with this man. The first few months were just as I dreamed they would be, loving and tender, foundations being laid for a long and happy lifetime together. We connected on so many levels and I loved the way he protected and looked after me.

And then suddenly, the whole thing backflipped. His adoration became intense jealousy, his charm became vemon, he went from amking me feel like a queen to a whore. His tender touches turned to violence.

Yep - I found myself with the poster child for domestic violence. In two years, I had a mirror smashed over my head, a chipped shoulder, not to mention many headbutts, elbows, kicks etc. If I spoke to another man I was flirting, if a man came and spoke to me at one of his gigs (he is a musician) then it was my fault for putting my vibe out there. I couldn't win. In the end, I would look at the ground rather than have him imagine I was making eyes at someone.

He would cry and apologise and hate himself after a violent episode and I satyed with him. I held onto this man because I just couldn't accept the fact that I had been WRONG! It saddens me to say that I still loved him, loved his good side which showed less and less as time went by.

I finally left him after words he spoke that I don't even want to repeat. He went to hit me and I stared him in the eye and when he faltered, I took the opportunity to get in my car and go for good.

Of course, following the break-up there was a roller-coaster of "I can't live without you, I'll kill myself" to "You're a sl*t and I hate you and wish you would die". I changed my number a couple of months ago just to end it once and for all.

All this from a man I fought tooth and nail to get. What a fool I was to think I knew him better than his wife of 14 years (who I since found out was abused by him also).

Choose carefully who you fight for, ladies and gents.

Hi,

 

Sorry to hear the sad story, but glad you got out.

 

I'm kind of new here compared to you; what name did you post under? Or did you not post much?

 

Was there any hint at all that he was violent, looking back?

[wyldflower]

I used to post under this name but that was when I was the OW.

Looking back, there were no indications of him being violent. He is very gentle-natured (on display) and even has a very soft voice. He is charming and charismatic and a fantastic musician with many friends and colleagues who think the world of him.

I guess the only possible hint was that he was a little bit jealous if a guy happened to look my way etc. But then, obviously, it escalated to a lot more.

[Mr. Lucky]

What a fool I was to think I knew him better than his wife of 14 years (who I since found out was abused by him also).

I hope this resonates with all the OM/OW out there who feel that they know their CS better than the H or W that sits at home. Awfully easy to fool someone - whether by ommission or commission - that you only see on a part-time basis...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Trialbyfire]

What a freakshow. Some guys need to be put down.

[Leia]

Isn't this what we try to tell them aaallllll the time? That cheaters are great at putting on a facade and reeling you in? And then we get told we're just bitter and that is why we have this opinion of cheating husbands/wives.

 

I'm sorry you went through this hon.

 

Yes but I bet they will say "not all relationships (OW/OM & MM/MW are like that", "maybe you did something to trigger this side of him?!" or something like that.

 

OP, I am so sorry for what you went through. You sure are smart to get out of it!

[wyldflower]

Yep, have definitely received some "don't wanna hear it" responses.

Maybe there are some uniquely happy endings. I'm just saying mine wasn't one of them.

[Leia]

Yep, have definitely received some "don't wanna hear it" responses.

 

I'm sure you did. Oh well... you're better off now anyway. People will soon learn. I admire you for sharing your story. Some people would rather just stop visiting this forum if things don't work out. Perhaps, fear of embarrassment or "I told you so" from fellow members.

[BetrayedMM]

I shouldn't feel for you, but I do.

 

I married a woman who is just like that. Well, she cheats too. You want to think you can work thru these things, but in the end they just are what they are.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through this.

 

Stay the hell away from married men. That's wrong for so many reasons. I hope you find someone who can control themselves. Someone single. Someone who respects you. He was none of that from the start. How were you to know? He was married, and cheating. Simple.

 

Sorry if that's rubbing it in, I made similar mistakes by marrying this woman, and I had red flags too. But, a married man who strays obviously has no self control, no respect for the wife nor the OW. And, he is certainly not someone trustworthy.

[Phateless]

I'm sure you did. Oh well... you're better off now anyway. People will soon learn. I admire you for sharing your story. Some people would rather just stop visiting this forum if things don't work out. Perhaps, fear of embarrassment or "I told you so" from fellow members.

 

That's why I rarely visit that OW/OM forum, because all the things I want to say are things that people do NOT want to hear or refuse to acknowledge. I know I'd be wasting my breath 99% of the time, so I don't bother.

[BetrayedMM]

I go there for a peek inside the mind of the enemy. What I see is every bit as disgusting and self serving as I expected. They are what they are.

 

But, they say-"know your enemy".

[whichwayisup]

You and his wife are better off without him. Sorry that you had to experience such abuse! I guess he had everyone fooled.

I just hope he never laid a hand on his children, let alone mentally abused them as well.

 

Well, this is the start of your new life, so once you grieve and get through this (please get counselling if you can't cope on your own) a whole new world will open up to you.

 

Take care.

[jmargel]

When a man walks into a crowded room with his beautiful wife on his side, the women don't notice the man for his looks, but for the woman that is attached to him.

 

If a woman sees this, they think 'That guy must be terrific in so many ways to be with a woman so beautiful'. Women like the challenge. They will more likely be attracted more to the same guy if he was married, then he was single. Single men are a dime a dozen. Married men are proof to OW that he must be good for something since someone has taken him.

 

Though the cliche of 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' works in this way as well. The guy may present himself as someone good inside and out, however once you get to know him, then you know the true person.

 

I'm sure there are women on here that will disagree, however I have talked to a couple of married women, and when I bring this up they always have this smile on their face like I am right.

[BetrayedMM]

Sounds like the post wound up on the wrong thread, but that would explain a few blatant propositions I've gotten over the years. Interesting.

[jmargel]

If you are referring to mine, I am on the right thread. And it's true I've been hit on more since I've been married then when I was single.

 

Women are evil creatures

[EnigmaXOXO]

Yep, have definitely received some "don't wanna hear it" responses.

 

Of course you have. Never underestimate the power of fear, delusion and denial. I just hope the other woman in the story gets to the place where you are one day so she doesn’t make the same mistake with this dangerous individual over and over again, too.

 

I really admire and respect the courage it took to come out and share your story with everyone after all you’ve already been through!

 

I’ve always considered myself a little more careful than the average gal after learning a thing or two about people, myself. But I can honestly say that I’ve never been with someone who was physically abusive so I don’t know if I would be keen on the “signs” or “red flags” to watch out for in advance. Unless it was blatantly obvious. This kind of thing is very scary to me ... which is why I’ve always been hyper vigilant about covering ALL my bases and avoid getting too chummy with dishonest people in general.

 

Then again, they can appear perfectly sane and put together on the surface. But you can never, never know for sure ...

 

((shudders))

 

What a shame someone hasn’t put this bully behind bars yet where he could beat on people his own size.