D-Lish Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I met this guy that I have great chemistry with. We hang out quite a bit, and always have a great time. Our humour is the same- and in every respect, he is the kind of guy I should be dating. He's 32- has his stuff together- and seems to have a lot of qualities that would make himn a great bf. Here's the problem. He's 32 and has never dated someone longer than 8 months. We talked a bit about that issue. He claims he "just hasn't met the girl that has swept him off his feet"... I am worried that I will get involved with him and that I will become another causualty in his string of short term relationships. Does this track record sound like someone who has comittment Phobia? Right now he is certainly infatuated. And it is the early stages- so I could walk away now without getting hurt. His parents divorced when he was 12 and he admits that was painful for him to deal with. I know that's a possible factor in his view on relationships. Is it reasonable to expect that someone at the age of 32 should have had a relationship more serious than 8 months? What do you guys think?
Nemo Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I think it's more of a light-pink flag. And I say go ahead. Full steam. Congratulations!
KingR Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 No offense D-Lish...but aren't most of your relationships less that 8 months?
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I don't think it's a red flag. Other than my live-in ex (3+ years), I haven't had any other relationships last longer than 8-10 months either. If I hadn't met him, ALL of my relationships would have been less than a year, I'm sure of it. Oooops, but then again, I have issues. So maybe it is a red flag... I guess my point is that I am very similar to him (and I'm months away from 30), and have no problems committing whatsoever.
Author D-Lish Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 No offense D-Lish...but aren't most of your relationships less that 8 months? None taken. ;-) I was actually in a 4 year, then a 8 year with someone I married- a two year after my divorce, and my most recent long term was a year and a bit that ended a year and a half ago. It's been the last year and a half that I have been playing the field and dating for fun rather than love. Now I am wanting to settle down again- I feel ready to accept and commit, I am comfortable and happier with where my life is at..... so I want to find someone. I do know why you got that impression though- I joined the forum a year and a half ago.... and I have had a series of short terms since then. I guess I just feel that by dating someone mature- put together- and possessing the qualities I like in a partner.... that I could fall for him. I guess I wonder if he is addicted to infatuation.... and that once that begings to dwindle, he may move on to the next adventure. I don't want to get hurt.
oppath Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Are there other things in play? Like, did he not start dating until his mid 20's? Did he focus on graduate school? Was he in a relationship, but had to move away for 4-5 months for work or internships? There are lots of other reasons why it may not have happened. Some people really haven't had luck in the long term department. I think you should pursue it. You will have a better sense of him around 3 months and can re-evaluate before you get too hurt.
Replicant Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I wouldn't consider that a red flag at all. Instead take a more optimistic outlook, and consider it more of a goal if it works out well....To be the one to bust that 8 month cherry!
Phateless Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I am going to quote Sex and the City here, (because I'm secure in my masculinity). Carrie to Aiden - I'm sorry, I've just been in a lot of unsuccessful relationships... Aiden - So? Everybody has. That's why we're single. See where I'm going with this?
Author D-Lish Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Are there other things in play? Like, did he not start dating until his mid 20's? Did he focus on graduate school? Was he in a relationship, but had to move away for 4-5 months for work or internships? There are lots of other reasons why it may not have happened. Some people really haven't had luck in the long term department. I think you should pursue it. You will have a better sense of him around 3 months and can re-evaluate before you get too hurt. Yeah, I am not ready to give up on this. Um- he's a successful guy- a music producer...nice place- own car, doesn't live in his parents basement.... I think music has been his focus and passion- I counted- and he has about 25 guitars in his house. lol. Last night I hung out with him and a bunch of guys in a band he is producing.... and we played "Rockband".... sooo much better than Guitar Hero. It was so much fun- and we just naturally have that comfort level with one another. I mean- I was singing my heart out in front of him and his friends.... and it didn't phase me to be so adventurous. There is good energy there.... and his friends certainly accepted me with open arms. That's a good sign I guess. I am now obsessed with the game Rockband...lol. I will give it some time and just take it slow. I saw him Fri and Sat and he wanted to hang out tonight. That is why I think there is an infatuation issue. Meh- maybe I just have to let myself go a bit and see what happens.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I am going to quote Sex and the City here, (because I'm secure in my masculinity). Carrie to Aiden - I'm sorry, I've just been in a lot of unsuccessful relationships... Aiden - So? Everybody has. That's why we're single. See where I'm going with this? WTF? I'm a devoted fan, and I do not remember this scene!! Very good point, Phate.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 D - go for it. You know how to recognize real red flags when they appear, so try to stop actively looking for them, okay?
Nemo Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 You wouldn't even be asking this question if you truly had the hots for him. You would be all over him like herpes.
Phateless Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 WTF? I'm a devoted fan, and I do not remember this scene!! Very good point, Phate. The episode where she freaks out over having breakfast with his parents. The episode where she's talking about her stomach flipping and panicking because nothing was going wrong yet. I saw this episode the other day, that's the only reason I remember it in such detail, lol.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 You wouldn't even be asking this question if you truly had the hots for him. You would be all over him like herpes. Herpes generally isn't all over the body... unless it's the chicken pox strain.
Citizen Erased Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I am going to quote Sex and the City here, (because I'm secure in my masculinity). Carrie to Aiden - I'm sorry, I've just been in a lot of unsuccessful relationships... Aiden - So? Everybody has. That's why we're single. See where I'm going with this? Gotta love a man who quotes SATC I agree with this. Unless this guy has been a complete jerk and slept around whilst in his relationships, I would just put it down to he is unlucky when it comes to his past relationships. I say enjoy
Jilly Bean Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 You wouldn't even be asking this question if you truly had the hots for him. You would be all over him like herpes. Whoa! WRONG thing to say to D... D - I think if he was 42, I'd be concerned. But at 32, he truly may not have found the ONE. Dating in your 30s is different than when youre younger. The stakes are higher, we have more to lose. So think we DO have shorter-term relationships around this time. Why should be spend more time with someone he doesn't see a potential with? You'll know soon enough if he has other issues.
oppath Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Herpes generally isn't all over the body... unless it's the chicken pox strain. Hey, VD is nothing to clap about. You're barking up the wrong tree and are going to give D-lish more red flags. Go for this dude. Let real red flags emerge. You'll get a sense of him after dating a few months if he has commitment problems.
Nemo Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Herpes generally isn't all over the body... unless it's the chicken pox strain. How about, "... all over the pleasurable bits of his body..." Is that better?
maynicholas Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 If he is a music producer at 32 my guess is that not too many women were willing to stick around when he couldn't commit enough time to them. It takes a lot of devotion to be in the entertainment industry, at the cost of a lot of personal sacrifice. Not a red flag, just something to keep in mind when dating someone in that line of work. I'm willing to bet the other women either pushed him too hard for more or didn't respect his devotion to his career and he pulled away. I've seen it happen many times in that world. Go for it and don't take it personally when work stuff comes up. Good luck!
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Hey, VD is nothing to clap about. Was that pun intended?
oppath Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Was that pun intended? I once read that on the stall door of a public restroom. It's really kind of lame, until you have a buddy with the herps. Then it's awesome. But just because this guy is in the music industry, does not mean he has got some disease that sounds like the candy Skittles (all the colors of the rainbow) because groupies slept with him to get backstage passes. Give him a chance.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 the herps. Hahaha! That's what one of my BFFs calls it! But seriously, D... Go for it. I know so many good quality guys in this dude's position. Give it time to evolve before you figure out whether or not he's a c-phobe.
Sand&Water Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 RE: Considering his parents divorced early into his childhood, I am not surprised at all he is how he is at this point in his life. Divorce must have hit him real hard. I don't think you should run away, D-Lish. Stay. Wait a couple more weeks or months and see how things turn out. The fact that he possesses a career in the music business places him at a disadvantage emotionally because women expect him to deliver mentally, and schedule-wise. Most women that are attracted to such individuals are drama-thirsty. Give him a break. Try to understand his life, before you come to any harsh conclusions. Go out and have fun! Sand&Water
Nemo Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Go out and have fun! And always remember to wrap it!
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Hey D, i felt the same way with my SO. He is around the same age (30ish) and has never had any relationship longer than 8 months. I felt the same way, a bit weary of whether he liked to play the field or not. I say stick with it. By month 3-4 ull know what his intentions are. My SO and I have been together for 8 months next week and we're still strong (Breaking records! ohhh yeah!! ) . I think it has a lot to do with the fact that many women (specially in their 20s) want their relationships to be fairytales and when the man they date arent prince charming, they bail. This leaves many men with short term relationships til they start dating more mature women. Good luck to you! Congrats and have fun!
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