fabulousgal Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 sigh. so my story isn't like most of you in the sense it wasn't an LTR. But I did get my feelings hurt by someone who decided to see how things would be with their ex. i have done nc like none other on this one because i know from my past, and LS that its really the only way. i value myself way too much to remain in limbo or for someone to decide. well, the situation was pretty hurtful when it went down. on my birthday. i was told things i didn't need to hear about how incredible the ex was blah blah blah...when a few months before the relationship was described as horrible. so i left it alone. i deleted things, didn't call text etc. it was hard. to go from contact daily to NOTHING. New years was hard because we had plans. fast forward to this weekend, i've been hanging out with friends, staying busy with work, trying to move on. i do miss him, but it is becoming easier bc of the nc. then he contacts me via text over something really petty. he asked for an article of clothing back. now, this wasn't some really cool unique thing. he could have gone to any store to replace it easily. it wasn't of extraordinary value either. i was really hurt that the only contact he's made was over a month later for such a stupid item. i left him alone to pursue his ex, you'd think he could leave me alone and just go replace his one thing. if it were something of value, money or sentiment i would have really tried to return it asap. but, it wasn't so after a few weeks of him not asking for it i chucked it. i think it is so rude he approached me after everything for such a dumb item. i replied and let him know that and i didn't have it anymore. haven't heard back. i wasn't expecting too, but i feel like now everything was such a farce. i've been missing this person, sad he wasn't around blah blah...and that is all i get. i would have been much more content if i hadn't heard from him at all. you would think he could be considerate after all that happened...if all he wanted was some dumb generic item of clothing back, he could have let it go and replaced it himself and not bothered me unless it was something of importance like he was sorry. its set me back a bit.
Always Wrong Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) Oh FG! Contacting you about that item was just a lame excuse for him to communicate with you. Having that possibility in mind, does it change the perspective somewhat? Now, if that's the case, his interpretation of your response isn't that you were missing him, not even a little. I could be mistaken. Edited January 28, 2008 by Always Wrong Rephrasing
jdeedee Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I'm kinda with AW on this one. I left things at the exes when I went to pick up my stuff. Valueless things but things nonetheless, possibly in the back of my mind so I could one day ask "Hey do you have XYZ?" and open up a line of communication
ElvenPriestess Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I left valuable, nice things at my ex's house and I never went back for them. I knew too well how he'd be. And I decided it wasn't worth it weighing the options out. You're doing good, you didn't make a fuss, just explained you didn't have the item of clothing, and that was that. Hopefully he's run out of excuses, and realizes he messed up and needs to leave you be. BTW, I had a relationship where the guy would talk about his ex alot, always comparing, how he had in that relationship what he didn't have with me. Throwing everything in my face. (they were together six years) It gets tiresome. I left, and they got back together.SO thank God I left and wasn't playing second choice anymore. This may not be your case, but be thankful you left too.
Author fabulousgal Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 do you really think so aw or jd? i dunno ... it made me angry he hasn't intiated any kinda talking to me but asked for that. i just think he could have let it go. maybe he did want to talk to me, but who knows. i replied to his text (keep in mind, there was no hey how are you, no attempt at trying to be cordial) that it was rude for him to text me all of a sudden to ask about "stuff", and that i didn't have it anymore. i never got a "sorry didn't mean it like that", zip, zilch, nothing. i did nothing to this guy to deserve being ignored. i always wished him well even though he hurt me, i let him go, never tried to go chase after him so he can figure out things with this girl. i know i dont need any guy or anything, i have a great life and lots going on. but my feelings are really hurt. i was doing a lot better, now im just sad bc he threw it in my face he doesn't care. i hate when i care and someone else doesn't. its the pits.
CalamitousJane Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 fabulousgal, I'm sure your ex is thinking about you, and cares about you in his own little way. I'm sure he didn't get in touch with you because of whatever thingie it was he left at your place. Nonetheless, I predict that soon you'll meet a guy who thinks about you and cares about you and doesn't need to make up lame excuses in order to get in touch with you. Mark my words.
Always Wrong Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 i feel like crap Oh FG, don't feel like crap! Easy to say huh? Some guys are good at protecting themselves. Case in point: he called and heard your voice, fact, he called about something lame, fact. The deeper question is: Did he just call about something lame to hear your voice? and if so, the voice he heard shure didn't sound like it missed him. I'm sure you didn't sound to him the way you are expressing yourself to us. Clear it up for good if you feel like crap. Call him and spell it out. Ask him if it was just an excuse to talk to you and tell him if it was, you blew it by sounding crappy! But in the same breath tell him if he really did call just to retrieve that petty little item, then you're glad you threw it away, and say hey man, I'm sorry but you broke my heart and I don't want someones sh*t laying around that broke my heart... wait for response... countdown... three... two... one... hang up if he says nothing or doesn't say the right thing. Then it's done, over, finite, fin, expelled! You can press on and stop stewing over it. AW
Author fabulousgal Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 hey aw, he actually just only sent me a txt - no call. it was really odd, at an off peak hour on a weekend.... i sent back to him via text it was rude to hear from him in that manner (no hey, hi, nothing from him) for some material thing. haven't heard back since . not even an apology. i have done nothing to warrant ignoring me, i left him completely alone the minute he told me he was wondering what to do about his ex. in order to let him make the best choice for himself, i did that, plus im too good to wait. i even wished him well, so i know i deserve better treatment than this. its so perplexing, i can't imagine this thing would be so important, but yet im being ignored and he is prob with his ex so i guess he is too selfish to see it would have been nicer to either leave me alone or approach me politely and cordially. :( sad. i know he sucks for this, i just don't understand how people can't THINK.
Always Wrong Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Ok, text or phone call... same attempt to contact you. Your response, you told him he was rude... same thing I said before. There is a very clear lack of clarity! lol I personally would call him and say the same thing I suggested previously. It would definately clear up the connection so the outcome was clear... very clear. Once you have a definative answer in your possesion, you can clearly make an informed decision as to which way to go.
Author fabulousgal Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 i dunno, i think i better save face and just move on here. i laid it out for him when i told him we shouldn't see one another anymore bc he had feelings for his ex that he could come talk to me if things changed and I MIGHT be available. to text me over stuff after weeks of silence at a very unfriendly hour is just bizarre, i can't try to decipher it, and i replied (all though i called him out on his unpoliteness) and he ignored me. i just....need to move on. i wish it would have worked out with him, or i should say i would have been interested in pursuing something to see how far it could go....but i guess it wasn't in the cards for now. doesn't mean it doesn't bother me cause it does. i wish it had turned out different. but i can't ignore the fact i did nothing wrong, i opened up my heart...i asked him to be cautious bc he was the one out of a ltr, and when he told me after the fact he didnt know if she was the one (when she came back) i wished him well and sent him along his way with a talk that if it didn't work out we might should talk but i didn't know where i'd be. i even wished him a happy new years a bit later. and left him 100% alone otherwise to figure out what he needs to...began to move on myself....and he really hasn't reciprocated my kindness especially by hitting me up so randomly and so uncordial over something so petty. we aren't friends, he can't just txt me out of nowhere jokingly. anyway, long story short, i am not happy but i know i have to forget him. his loss. i'll find someone else at least i get dates quickly, and sucks for him he didn't keep a good thing for something that was broke.
Always Wrong Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Ok, I'm sorry, didn't mean to seem pushy, which is the way I sort of feel right now. If you're not all heartbroke and falling to pieces, then you are doing the best thing. I thought you were doubting your decision, so I was trying to give the more optomistic view of his possible intent. You sound like the good one that got away. His loss, very true. I wish for you the return of joy and laughter, soon. Don't stop posting. It's very nice to hear from people when they are happy instead of only when there's trouble in paradise. Hey, off subject... paradise... pair-a-dice... make's me think of Vegas at the craps table.lol My father taught me to play craps... long ago. So, my point is, I have adopted a distraction mechanism for making myself think of something else when I feel unhappy. So, if you feel unhappy, you can think of paradise, and then pair-a-dice, then Las Vegas... etc. Just a thought. Keep us posted! Would love to hear about the next adventure! AW
Author fabulousgal Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 oh don't be sorry aw! i appreciate you talking to me. i just can't bring myself to call him when i am pretty sure he is with someone. and i feel like he should be calling me! i am so cool...and i was something new and fresh unlike his ex who left him bc he had issues with changing who he was. plus i know i did nothing to deserve being ignored. am i sad? yep. am i out enjoying myself...yep. his loss, everyone keeps telling me...and i know it is but i have to get myself to fully believe! he can come back to conversate things, but i won't intiate it on my own bc i know i was just open and as good as i could be about everything.
mistie03 Posted February 2, 2008 Posted February 2, 2008 I would go with NC and keep it that way. You are better off to move on from this guy IMO. The text about the lame article of clothing without so much of a hello proves it.
Author fabulousgal Posted February 2, 2008 Author Posted February 2, 2008 you are right mistie. i wish you weren't but you are. not feeling particularly fantastic today.
Always Wrong Posted February 3, 2008 Posted February 3, 2008 (edited) you are right mistie. i wish you weren't but you are. not feeling particularly fantastic today. fabulousgal Sorry to hear you aren't feeling very good. From the way it sounds, you'll have a new distraction soon, very soon. Keep up the smile in public when possible. People see you smiling and will smile back a lot of the time, and that's a real mood changer, really! Don't let the frowny faced people magnify a low mood level. Frowny people are depressing. Seek smiley faces! AW Edited February 3, 2008 by Always Wrong
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