KatM Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 i hope this isn't too long, im sorry if it is. my boyfriend and i have been together for about 2.5 years. he moved out of the state last may when he graduated and i was supposed to move this may when i graduate. we're both 25. it had been a difficult issue, because we both realized that me moving to be with him was a huge step. he's been upset about feeling pressured for a while now, though i did try really hard not to pressure as much as i could. saturday i was visiting him and i sat down at his computer to check my email (i use his computer all the time, he's cool with it). basically, up on the screen was an im between him and a friend where he was asking how to break up with someone long distance, because he'd rather be with another girl he thought (a girl who only sees him as a friend). he doesn't know if it's because he really feels for her, he's scared of what me moving would mean for us, or because he can't let himself be happy. i, of course, got really upset. we both cried, and i said that i had to go back home because i couldn't stay there knowing he felt that way. he said that he was just confused and trying to work stuff out, and that he had never meant for me to see it. we were both crushed. i went home, moved his stuff to my parents' house in a box and figured that we were over. this evening i messaged him on instant messenger because i've been so upset. we talked and we decided that we would not talk until april, to give us both some time to think and chill out emotionally. has anyone been in a similar circumstance? i know i can't base my decision on what others have been through, but i need to know if i'm being realistic in thinking that maybe this could work out ok. please be honest, and thanks in advance for any responses.
Author KatM Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 anyone? please, im feeling desperate for some feedback.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Im here.... Im sorry you read the IM between your bf and his friend, but maybe its the universe telling you something is wrong. I dont want to hurt you more than you already feel, but I think its strange when either men or women cant separate what they feel for people. If he truly loves/loved you he would not even think about breaking it off because of another person or even just not being able of making himself happy. If it is love then he would be happy with YOU. Youre young, rethink your options while you let this cool down, see where this goes for now. But dont just go back with open arms if you find out that hes back because he wasnt corresponded on the other end. Ill try and stick around for you....bye for now
Author KatM Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 thanks so much for your reply and especially for your honesty. i really don't think that he's off trying to get together with her, i think that he's talking to another friend trying to work this out. that's just my take on it though. when we parted ways over the weekend, he kept saying 'omg, i hurt you' and then when we talked yesterday he said that he was so sorry for hurting me. i totally get what you're saying about not thinking about others when you're truly with someone. i never thought about being with someone else when we were together. i do have to think hard about whether or not it would really work out if he did decide that he wanted to get back together. i know that there would be a lot of trust that would have to be rebuilt.
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 The trust can be rebuilt. Now, the thought of leaving you before, may always linger in his mind. He might find that he misses you in April, but he will probably always have a foot behind in analyzing everything throught your new relationship to see if it is really what he wants. I lost my girlfriend of 9 years just 3 months ago, and I will tell you one thing.... my eyes strayed (and maybe even my body), but my mind did not stray and I never even thought about leaving her once, because if I did think it, I knew that I would not want her forever. My emotions were only for her. So thats why Im saying that if he already thinks something of the sort, its going to be really hard to get it out of his head.
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