Cad Rake Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Hey man there's no short guy out there who doesn't have an "issue" with it. It's a problem and can bring you down as you know. WAAY down. I'm not only short, I'm skinny, pale, and I'm losing my hair. Talk about awful! You're also right it takes energy to build yourself up every day when you feel like the smallest guy in the room all the time. When you know that you'd have 10x the # of women if you were only X inches taller. It sucks and there's nothing you can do about it. Life isn't fair, and if you didn't hit the gene lottery then life says "Get the @#$# out of the gene pool" and the way it ensures that is by making sure the women find you unattractive enough to stay off your lap. I have no good answers for you other than to say I know exactly how you feel because I'm in the same boat. I date looots of girls though, and I'm currently dating 3. And I do it by forgetting about myself and concentrating on them. This takes energy, as you know. Lots of it! You've got to eat healthy, get plenty of exercise, get on some meds if you need 'em, because the ONLY way to feel good about yourself is to expend psychological energy that will build your ego up. And that psychological energy comes from your body's energy. When I'm low on energy -- haven't eaten right, haven't rested -- then all my flaws become magnified and I feel like a complete unattractive dolt and you're damn straight no woman would find me attractive at that point. Talk to your doctor and get your system in order. That'll give you enough energy to move your attention out of your own body and into some hotties bodies
Kiss Dont Miss Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Hi there, I read your post and felt perplexed. What about changing your standard life style? Why not go to another city or find some attraction in a nearby city, and make a journey there, etc.? Take yourself out of your house and do something inetersting that can change routine and add something new... And you know... people think of you as you do of yourself... Cheer up, buddy
Phateless Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 (edited) Thanx phate. Dude, I started postin a response, but it's like 8 pages long!! So I thought about linking it off site and anyone interested can check it.. I dunno. It was more like I was typing it for myself, you know? Not really tryiing to get sympathy, more like a confession. This **** is like therapy to me. Well I'm savin it on notepad for now. Hey yo Tanbark, thanx for the long reply man. Yeah I do the 'fakin the phunk' ****. I've done it long ago, many times. It does work, I believe you. I know it's true. The prob with me is that because I have done it, and worked so hard for so many years (It's a lot of work man! It takes energy..) and I reverted back to square one, that's what takes all the juice out of me. You ever watch a basketball game (the LAKERS do this alllll the time) where they start off good, but by the half they're so down and you can feel the energy just sucked out. Then they make another burst in the 3rd, but lose the lead AGAIN. So by the 4th you see the look in their eyes--like why even try?? That's how I feel man. Life is hard. I know it's hard for everyone, but I always felt it was a little bit harder for me. I know that's a totally irrational thought.. like I'm not taking into account that OTHER people got problems way more serious.. but I don't know. I'm the definition of underacheiver. I know I could've done great things in life.. like to answer Laurie's question.. what good qualitites do I have? I have a lot!! I'm just too afraid to show them. I can jam on the guitar but I've never played to anyone, I can draw, design, skate snowboard everything. I'm multitalented.. I can ball too and you just gotta see the look on the 6footers face when I hang in the air and take them to school.. ahh man it's classic. It's just my damn self esteem. It's the angel on one shoulder devil on the other.. my devil has been saying bad things to myself ever since I can remember. His voice gets stronger and more persistent. I just got issues with chronically being the smallest guy in the room. It just... sucks! There's no other way to explain it until you lived in my shoes. Personally, I read these short guy posts and it makes me sick. I'm not like those guys. I think I'm one of the very few percentage who actaully has a legit issue with it. I never whined or acted like a wuss about it.. at least on the outside. But on the inside I have.. long before you read about it on forums like this. It's just been something I been aware of ever since .. like 18, 19.. I don't know. What I hate more is that it's because of guys like this that I'm not allowed to express or show any negative feelings about it. That's what I mean by the internet ruined me. It made me aware of people's attitudes, way of thinking, etc. I think I was better off pre-internet cause I didn't have this generalized view of how other people think. Anywa, damn I was hopin to post a shorter post but this one ended up bein long too! So I'll stop. But thanks guys for listenin.. this is better than therapy. Why get ripped off when you can just post here?? Well take care people.. I think in the long run I'll be arite.. just gettin this off my chest. Thanks again. I totally understand about the back to square one thing, that's how I have felt recently. It's weird, sometimes your inner state and outer state have little to no bearing on each other. I still have "muscle memory" for most of the correct ways to act in social circumstances that i've recently learned, but my confidence is down and insecurities have come back. So the other night at swing, this cute girl is all over me, and it actually freaked me out and put me on the defensive. I thought she was up to something and couldn't actually be interested in me... it was twisted what I put myself through in my own head. I got her number anyway, but the feelings were there. I know what you're going through. Later that night I told myself "this %$ ends NOW!" and I vowed not to let it happen again. That's what we have to do. Just decide at some arbitrary point to no longer feel sorry for ourselves and keep pushing, because we know from experience that if we push hard enough we get results. I'm not gonna lie, with some girls you are at a disadvantage because you're short, but not all girls. Hell, I often feel bad about myself because I'm 5'10 and not 6'. How ridiculous is that? My point is that your own mentality matters a lot more than the external factor that you're worrying about. Some girls will just naturally find you amazing so don't sweat the ones that aren't interested. Don't let the bad experiences ruin your good experiences, the way I did at swing the other night. You know what it comes down to for me? Not being afraid to be the center of attention, not feeling guilty when people compliment me etc. You just have to decide to do things differently and attempt to get used to it so that you can see what it feels like. I know short guys with game who don't have half the talents that you do. To LaurieBell - height is different for a girl and a guy. The girl expects to be shorter than the guy. Guys can feel emasculated at times when the girl is taller. It's a feminine/masculine thing. Edited January 30, 2008 by Phateless
Author Random Username Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Thanks guys. Hey man that's cool you can admit that you ain't perfect either. I been through the same things like that, like I can be down and down for so long then out of the blue some cute girl seems interested, and all I'm thinking is.. Why?? So did you end up givin her a call back?? Eh Cad, thanx for the words of encouragement. It's people like you givin us a good name. I'll try to keep my head up too.. you know we just gotta change the image of height n all that and guess it's up to us as individuals.. Hopefully people who encounter me in their lifetime will not be so ignorant.. I think I've managed to pull that off. Hey Kiss, thanks, I have thought about moving. I think part of my problem is how materialistic it is here, but then again, I kinda like it and it's really not too bad. Unfortuantely for what I want to do, which is design work like graphic design, you kinda have to be in a place liike LA or NY or SF, so I don't know what do to if I moved to the outer boonies.. design the cover of the local cow ranch brochure?? But sometimes I wished I lived somewhere with less expectation. When I visited my fam in Hawaii the vibe was so different, like I knew had I lived there I'd be perfectly normal.
Author Random Username Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 Oh hey Phate, dude, thanx for sayin what I was thinkin (the last statement), cause had I said it it be another excuse. Anyway, just want yall to know I ain't bitter and don't hate or blame society or other people.. I really don't hate anything or anyone. I was lucky that I did have good people in my life and family. Like my momma sais, I just need to "work on my personality" and not be afraid to just be myself around other people.
tanbark813 Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Hey yo Tanbark, thanx for the long reply man. Yeah I do the 'fakin the phunk' ****. I've done it long ago, many times. It does work, I believe you. I know it's true. The prob with me is that because I have done it, and worked so hard for so many years (It's a lot of work man! It takes energy..) and I reverted back to square one, that's what takes all the juice out of me. Yeah, it does take energy. It always seems like either an upward or downward spiral: Either you're feeling good, which helps things go your way, and it's that much easier to stay positive. Or you start getting down on yourself, which kills your mood and makes it harder to have success, which just makes you feel worse. Wash, rinse, repeat. It's important to try to stay in the frame of mind of keeping things on the upward spiral. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Positive thinking and all that good stuff. Nothing is entirely bad, anyway. Everything in life has its pros and cons. Perspective is what assigns value to things, not the things and events themselves.
Phateless Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Yeah it's all about self-esteem, as simple and cliche as that sounds, it's the truth. I know because I've been on both sides of it. As for moving, what about another metropolitan area like SF, NY, or anywhere but LA (that's where you are, right?). You can telecommute anyway, can't you? Keep in mind that if you don't change your routines to new healthy ones, your problems will follow you. No I haven't called that girl yet. There is another one that I should call again, but I've been in such a weird mood lately that I'm afraid I'll just blow her out anyway. It's messed up man, I feel you... TanBark - whereabouts in the Bay are you? I grew up in Berkeley.
tanbark813 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 San Jose is my hometown but I'm on the peninsula now.
Phateless Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Nice. I live in slo now but my parents are in the east bay. The WRONG side of the tunnel. I hate it out there... I get that weekend feeling all the time. All my boys are in berkeley/oakland so that's where i have plenty to do on weekends.
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