dd9512 Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 So I've been with my girlfriend for a few months now. Things are a bit serious and I actually do trust that she will be faithful and honest with me, she's never given me a reason to disagree. Earlier today she told me than a friend was coming over to watch a movie. I knew that this guy was an ex but she assured me that they hadn't seen each other in several months. She even offered that we all three go out to dinner next weekend so I can meet the guy and be comfortable with it. Problem is that I still have issues with this. It just doesn't seem right. I don't even want to meet the guy due to their past relationship. Am I being overly weird about this? She's also going to his birthday party in a few weeks. That doesn't really bother me as there will be plenty of other people around, although I feel a bit strange about not being invited. Any advice would be really appriciated.
blaze Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Oh man. I'm sorry to say, but this is a recipe for heartbreak. First off, your girlfriend is immature. If she has no idea that it's completely inappropriate to watch movies alone with her exbf while currently dating a new bf then she doesnt' have the slightest clue about dating do's and don'ts. And the fact that you haven't flat out told her "no, it's not ok" means that you're willing to put up with some serious b.s. from her. Not good. Why are you with this girl? She doesn't respect you. If she respected you she wouldn't be having her exbf over to watch movies with her....alone.
Ronni_W Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 It's not so much about what is "right" as it is about what makes you uncomfortable -- when you speak with your g/f, do it from your perspective rather than sort of "judging" her behaviour...that could just make her defensive and you guys won't resolve anything. I agree you ought to be invited to his b/day party. I wouldn't go for dinner with him if I wasn't interested in getting to know him better. OTOH, it is a good sign that she offered about the dinner -- doesn't seem as if she is self-conscious or trying to hide anything. OTOH, it does seem weird that they don't talk for months then all of a sudden he's coming over to watch a movie, just the two of them. Would you feel more comfortable if they went out? - coffee, movie, whatever? (That is, is it the apparently intimate setting that is causing most of your concern/confusion?) I have one ex who became a really super, true-blue friend after we split. If my b/f had asked me to choose between the two of them, I would have chosen my friend. Friends like that just don't come into one's life too often...and romantic partnerships don't come with the kind of guarantee that I already had, with my friend. I also agree that your g/f's primary focus needs to be your comfort level. If she isn't able to give up her friendship (for the sake of being with you) AND if you aren't able to accept her friendship (for the sake of being with her), then that would be obvious that you're not meant for each other.
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